Alice: Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

Chesire Cat: “That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”

Alice: I don’t much care where…”

Chesire Cat: “Then it doesnt matter which way you go.”

Alice: “–so long as I get SOMEWHERE.”

Chesire Cat: “Oh, you’re sure to do that, if you only walk long enough.”

 

- From Alice In Wonderland (the book)

 

 

This isnt an official update about anything. I just really like that part in the book. I love how you can take this book in any way you want to. Its rather eye opening.

 

There is an insane amount of things I should update on. But its 3:30 in the morning. I just got home from work not too long ago. I don’t feel like writing. So yeah.

Blaaaah its been so long since I actually updated this! I mean I ranted on the previous entry about some retarded drama. it isnt fixed but its behind me. I actually found out a lot of things regarding so-and-so and Luis. Non are directly connected to each other… but to all the girls hes been talking to about me saying that I have a blog… Hi. A word of advice; Observe and pay attention, okay? Not me, but your boy toy. Thats all.

I havent been up to too much. Mostly hangin out with Pablo and Danny still. Danny’s cool. So far everyone agrees that he and I are quite alike. We’re the opposite gender versions of one another. Course, hes a little more daring when it comes to outfits and hair… this only being because Im not super duper skinny, just average, and My hair sucks ass lol but yeah. The three of us get along pretty well I would say. 

One particular night we started drinking at around.. 5 in the afternoon and had a good time… By 10 though, we drank so much that Danny was already passed out and puked a bit, Pablo completely abandoned the english language and started speaking in castellano to Oscar and I was the one translating as best I could, and I was just kinda there. I tend to sober up relatively fast for some reason…

The next morning I woke up with a hangover and had to go to court (06/02)… in bantam, ct. Whaaaaaaat the fuck? And thing is.. I didnt even know until my mom left me a message the night before at 11:30pm. Nice, huh? lol This was about my whole… state police incident when I was stupid enough to pick up Luis at 2am for … yeah… I already wrote about it so I dont feel like writing about it again. If I can find the post Ill just link it. but this happened like 4 months ago.

So mom drove me and dad to the court house all the way in fricken bantam and Im in the back seat of her SUV… and I dont think I can ever fully express how much I hate my Mother’s driving. As safe as she is, I feel… so unsafe. She drives kinda slow, first off, and then shes so scatter brained, god forbid she be on the phone while driving (which she does often and Im pretty much shitting bricks at this point). She… has sa tendency to push down on the gas pedal for a few seconds, then let it go. She does this the entire time she drives and each time it lasts about… 3 seconds before she takes her foot off the pedal again. Then, when she actually hits the brakes, which is often by the way, she preses down on it HARD. So you rock back and fourth along with the gas peal and everything. And this is an SUV. Suspension is ridiculous. So youre pretty much like on a fucking boat, and getting motion sickness. 

So Im in the back seat, suffering from a mld hangover, rocking back and fourth on this vehicle with my Mother driving. It wasnt fun. I didnt throw up though so thats good.

When I got to the court house, you have to go into the state.. attorney.. office thing by yourself. My mom is giving me a million papers like insurance cards pld and new, registration, blank checks, policies and everything.. and Im like wtf? I dont need all this. It was fairly easy. I was waiting for about 20 minutes. When I went into the office, it literally took less than a minute.. all the lady said was that the cop let me go on the speeding ticket (mother fucker had to, he wasnt clocking me so he cant say I was speeding!) but that she couldnt let me go entirely for the insurance card so she had me pay $20 and it was stricken from the record.

Thats it.

lol. Ridiculous. 30 seconds, 20 bucks and it disappears. But yeah! on to why I even brought this up. On the way home, Dad let me sit in the front due to my motion sickness. We stopped at a Dunkin Donuts on the way home and what do I see? A FUCKING SKYLINE. A nissan fucken Skyline STRAIGHT from Japan. Google it. but the one I saw was silver and had black decals on the side and stuff. Steering wheel was on the opposite side and everything and I was so mad and so taken aback by this gorgeous vehicle and the son of a bitch eye raping me with it.

And then… I saw a regular american skyline in like blue. Im like what is with today and these cars I cant ever have?! I was sad but happy to see them u_u;;

And yeah. That was that. I called Luis to tell him cuz I thought of him right away. He said the guy in the silver skyline is from torrington and he saw him drivin around and made him feel inferior. He also said if I wanted to hang out to give him a call when I get home and stuff but… I didnt.

One night while Danny Pablo and I were hanging out we ventured over to the korean market, Lotte, in Manchester. We bought some ddukbogi (there’s like a million ways to spell it…) which is my favorite. The first time I had it was with Chey~ her mom made it with ramyun. Yummness. While there, Pablo bought some other stuff too cuz he was gonna cook dinner for us. When we finally got home… I forgot what it was called that he made.. or rather, I cant spell it for crap.z it was so  yummy *-* we kept eating even after being so full.. it was hard to put down. We also drank that night but… thats nothing new, now is it?Last night Pablo and I watched Abre Los Ojos. We both saw Vanilla Sky and I found out its a remake of a spanish movie so we’ve been meaning to watch it for a while now and while he was at work I guess he took a break, wandered around the mall and found it, bought it and brought it home. So we watched that last night.

It was very good and the remake Vanilla Sky was really close to the original. Almost exact, even. And Penélope Cruz is in both of them shes so pretty. one thing I didnt expect though… is that there’s a scene where Sofia and Cesår are making love and.. you see Sofia’s, aka Penélope, boobs… yeah… they were nice

Today I was supposed to hang out with Kyle but ugh.. dont get me started on that. Rather annoyed with him. He bitches that I dont talk to him much anymore and that I haven’t made much time for him but then once I actually do (mind you, hes been working two jobs every day the passed two weeks so its not that I didnt have time…) he doesnt talk, he doesnt pay attention… he jsut sits there or goes away. What the hell am I supposed to do? I dunno. So fuck it.

Danny wants to hang out tonight. Pablo gets off at 9-9:30. I want to make cupcakes. Maybe we can do that tonight? I dunno~

Theres other stuff to write about but I can’t remember much, cuz I dont care lol

Seriously, why do people feel the need to tell others that they and I have dated at some pont in time? CLEARLY its a fucking le, but why bother? Like I dont understand. And then, when people ask ME about it and I tell the truth, I get bitched out at? I dont fricken get it. But here, Durrett sent me ths on FB randomly today:

Never consider me a friend ever again. i hope you rot in hell after all you’ve done to me. You’ve got no idea what it means to be someone’s friend and no idea what it means to be a decent human being. i’m never defending you ever again, no matter who calls you a slut or a whore or a bitch.

Learn to tell the fucken truth about peeople and you wont get so much shit. And ppl call me a bitch a slut and whore because YOU are TELLING them  fucken cheated on one of the loves of my fucken Life with you! And it NEVER happened! We never even hung out on our own! Seriously yo, people need to grow the fuck up.

Waaaah~ the passed 4 days have been so fun.

Before that I dont have much to update on. I’ve simply just been working every day is all. Work and hang out’s have kind of intertwined themselves, if that makes.. any sense… Does it?… No it doesn’t. But anyways.

I have so many days off of work, which actually really sucks.. I was working everyday for the passed 3 weeks, and although I hated being in the back room processing 8 boxes of shipment everyday (we would get about 30 boxes delivered to us every couple of days… how much does THAT suck?)… it was nice having something to do during the day! And now that all the shipment is mostly done… my hours have gone down again… I gotta get some damn credit to get more hours…

So! After work was sad and done, I started hanging out with Pablo and his friends Oscar and Erika (this is all thanks to Luis and I am grateful for that). They’ve come over like every night so far (just 4 days) and its been great every time. I remember Erika. We had a class together back in HS. Oscar looked familiar to me but Pablo says that he came to FHS during HIS senior year so… I definitely dont know him. And of course I met Pablo my Junior year. 

Its weird having people over, especially as often as I have recently… I don’t mind it… but at the same time its kind of awkward. I’ll just have to get used to it though because apparently they like hanging out with me, and vice versa! And of course there has been drama, as we all know, letting Luis into my life always comes with its own wonderful little presents and it comes in a fun filled box of chaos and drama <3!

I dont feel like going too much into it. To put it simply; he never changes. But Im trying to get passed it cuz I don’t want to divide him and his friends or take them away from him (even though I met 2 of them before him hehe >_> jk jk ). So… yeah.

Pablo has slept over 3 times. He was willing to watch Twilight with me, and did I mention he’s from Argentina so he speaks spanish? Oh and that hes Korean? No? Well, he is. Its really weird cuz like you see this tall korean kid (hot too, lets not forget that.) and youre expecting him to know english and korean but then.. he busts out the spanish and god help if if youre talking shit in spanish and hes around cuz he’ll understand it. And… I dunno. I never enjoyed the spanish language… I grew up with it, its not a big deal to me and I feel its extremely vulgar cuz.. I’m (1/2) puerto rican and we’re not very prim and proper. We’re loud ass, inconsiderate beings so.. I dont like it. But Pablo… oh Pablo. His dialect is completely different, and hearing him speak in spanish is fucking… ugh. So sexy. it sounds so beautiful coming from him.

And whats even more awesome, is that he does know some Korean and he sees me and I weird him out cuz I know an itty bitty bit of korean (random words!) and I know about k-pop and korean food and terms for people like oumma and oppa and stuff. So we weird each other out but at the same time we like that about each other. That and he says we’re a lot alike. 

Havent hung out with anyone else besides these three people. jen is in Florida and I miss her to death u_u but shes coming back on tuesday (midnight)! So Im excited. I wonder if she actually did get me a present like I asked her to >_> lol I asked her to bring me like a little $3 stuffed animal or something itty bitty.

Ohoh… Pablo apparently is going camping this weekend and he invited me. Hes not sure whos gonna go yet, cuz its not a concrete plan yet but that sounds pretty awesome. The only qualm I have with it is that its hot outside… and I cant sleep in the heat… but neither can Pablo. I wonder how this will work out~ 

Omg Ive spent so much money on booze! Ive gone to the packy 4 times this week. Its terrible. And Im so poor… well I’m not really.. Mom gave me some money, and I got paid yesterday so I’ve got about $700 in the bank at the moment but when I found out that I had over drafted AGAIN, I got so mad and just destroyed my debit card so I couldn’t used it anymore… but… I kinda shot myself in the foot by doing that because I cant get money out of the bank now… cuz my checks are all direct deposit… so in order to get money I need to either get another card, or go to the bank every tie and withdraw. Im just gonna get another card but not a debit card… just an ATM card. Keep my shit in track.

…I forgot what I was gonna… write about… crap! u_u

I have to mop, AGAIN! Why? Because these drunk assholes (jk lol) spill shit on my floor at least 4 times a night and it gets sticky! >_< DId I mention that one of the nights everyone came over, we actually hung out ont he roof for about 10 minutes? The roof is usually locked, but… coincidentally, that night it wasnt. So we climbed up there and it was rather fucken scary cuz pablo, Luis and I are deathly afraid of heights. Oscar claims hes afraid of heights but that asshole has gone sky diving so I call bs lol But it was really nice being there. But then last night they went up again, came back down, and when they wanted to go back up it was locked I think. Which is crazy and Im wondering when that happened… and who found out and how… u_u its so fun being on the roof! besides the whole, possible falling to your death.

I dunno what else to talk about and I have to clean again. mrah!

Quit victimizing yourself. No one believes it.

u_u Work at 12 to 4 today! Then after that going to my Dad’s. hopefully he has some food there for me to steal… I dont really have much to update about. I’m just super fricken bored.

Last night I hung out with my lovey finally after like… 4 days. He had slept over last week but he had a doctors appointment the next morning for work so he couldn’t stick around… it was short lived. Since I havent had much money at all, I couldnt do much, so we really missed each other. So yesterday we went out to dinner~ we got Sushi <3 and then we went to Rita’s they had Coffee Custard and.. I hate coffee ice cream btu this was soooo good. It was the perfect… blend of coffee and whatever else they put in there. So it wasnt to coffee-ish at all.

After dinner and ice cream we went back to his place and he started playing Gears of War 2. It was pretty cool looking, despite Luis’ criticism of it.. then again he criticizes every game unless hes the one that chose it… but anyways, not important. I kinda liked it but its not my kinda game. I have a huge problem with it being off-centered… over the right shoulder. it’s just weird and awkward to me. 

But I ended up falling asleep! u_u I just couldnt help it. His room is so comfortable~ <3 he continued playing until around 12:30 and I woke up around 11:30 but while he was playing he kept stopping very once in a while and kissed me in my sleep. So cute~~ but I did end up sleeping over anyways though I didnt mean to. But he had work this morning at 8, which is why Im actually awake and updating at the moment instead of sleeping in until 11 and going to work directly afterwards.

Im supposed to be having people over tonight but I actually dont want to. Id rather just go to sliders~ hopefully nobody minds. Its just that my place is a mess and I actually really dont feel… like cleaning.

I’m quite hungry at the moment… but i think Ill save myself the money and buy myself a salad at Cosi for lunch! Im so poor… T_T; I have money in my bank account, finally, but my debit card broke actually so… Ive got $60 in cash and thats just about it. Quite sad… which reminds me I gotta fix the issue with my Capitol One card. Apparently, Im being charged for fees I didnt know I had like that stupid credit report stuff and something else I dont remember. I didnt ask for any of it and I dont get a credit report very often at all so I dont feel like paying monthly for it… I was wondering why I kept paying for my card but it didnt seem to make a damn difference and now I know why. Capitol one sucks ass.

And Im really just rambling…

I <3 Jason Lee and Penélope Cruz is adorable. For the record Im watching Vanilla Sky, thats why I mentioned those two and thats also where the title of this entry comes from.

And Im out!

I’m so happy <3 I can legitimately say that now. I’m still rather low on money but that’ll work itself out soon. Just a little hard work and wiser decisions. So it’s not a big deal.

But everything else in my life is petty fantastic. I mean.. I’m getting a lot of hours at work, and I’m getting a second job. So a lot of my free time will be taken up which I’m perfectly fine with, I like being busy. My social life is just where I want it to be and now that my friends have finally joined me in the legal drinking age, it opens up many more possibilities~! and my dear love life is… fantastic.

Its been like what, 3 weeks since I last updated this thing? 2? I dunno. A lot has happened since then, so much so that I can’t really remember all of it but thats fine.

One night I went to NYC with Jon. That was cool. He took me to Central Park and it was fucking awesome, even though it was raining but whatever. I love NYC regardless of the weather. We tried to find the statue of Balto and Alice in Wonderland but… unfortunately we can’t read maps very well… so that went nowhere u_u; we ate at the Hard Rock Café and it was so cool! Bought a shirt too. we didnt get back to CT until maybe 4:30am so I slept over his apartment, and left the next day around 12 or 1.

Then… work work work… saw the Wolverine movie. I adore Gambit <3 and Ive fallen in love with Hugh Jackman. And, speaking of which, I think Ive got a thing for… older men. Cuz I would love to devour Hugh Jackman and Andy Samberg. Google em if you dunno em Oh! And Ryan Reynolds was in the movie too! THAT was a surprise, and I never realized how attractive he really is.

So apparently theyre making a movie on Deadpool, which is pretty cool too. But didnt he end up disfigured because of his regeneration/healing ability? Iuno. Don’t quite remember. Also, I think there should be a Gambit movie. Kyle agrees, but he doesnt think that the actor who played our dearest Remy (Taylor Kitsch) is a well enough actor to pull a movie where he’s the main feature.I happen to disagree and think they should give him a chance. I mean Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson did great and they were virtually unknown to some extent… but I do look forward to that <3

I hung out with Lauren Ed and Dano that same day that Kyle and I saw wolverine (L, D and E were there too). Dano and I rocked out on Rockband for a while. Also played CoD4. I didnt win but I only lost by a couple of kills each time, and Im surprised at how well I actually did in CoD4. 

Dano has BB guns, and seeing as I have a fascination with Guns now, and I know bbs arent the same thing, but we went out to the front yard and he let me shoot off a couple of his guns and it was just… so much fun… he invited me to a game hes having on Sunday but unfortunately I have to work so I cant go

Hmm. Just this friday, Lauren, Ed, Dano, Dustin, Kyle, Michael and I all went to see Star Trek! I didnt really want to go because I was never much of a trekky but I must say… I fucken loved that movie. After that, we went bowling! I did terrible, like out of the ordinary terrible but it was all good.

After that, I went to kyle’s and he told me that on saturday they were having family over for his sisters (Shelly) 21st birthday and to be wary of the fact that many relatives would be there. He knows I get rather skittish around parents but I decided to take a chance and brave the family the next morning. So I slept over and spent the entire day there even after Kyle left for work. It turns out his family is not only very welcoming but very nice and they seemed to like me very much especially his mother and his mom’s best friend Alicia. They insisted I eat, because theyve never even seen me eat a bite in the entire year that theyve known me. Theyre convinced I simply dont eat! 

I met Kyle’s brother. Hes a little cutie. Hes deaf and he has some other disabilities but I dont know what they are. Hes a sweetheart nonetheless.  I learned how to ’say’ my name in sign language too. They asked me what I liked to do, Kyle said I liked to draw, so they associated drawing and my name with that so its like.. the motion of drawing signifying my name and stuff. Its pretty cool. 

His sister was nice too, so was her best friend Jackie and Shelly’s boyfriend Pete. He just recently bought an xbox and CoD:WaW. Once he found out that I play CoD, we started talking about it and everything. It was really cool. We played Zombies together and it turns out hes incredibly good. He added Kyle and I ton XBL. He plays mostly during the day though so hopefully we can play together at some point.

Kyle left for work around 3:40 and I stuck around till 8pm~ was nice. I love being there. Oh! oh oh oh. His Mom came up to me, we talked a lot actually today, and she came to me at one point and shes like “You wanna know what Kyle told me when he first met you?” so Im like.. all shy about it and fearing for my life. But she was all smiles and told me that he told her I was the perfect girl, that Im his other half and that we have a lot in common… and that Im great in bed. SOOOO… when she says that, I start blushing and when she mentions the sex Im like as red as my complexion could possibly get. u_u; but she said its a good thing and that kyle tells her everything so. not to be surprised. lol.

Havent talked to Luis much. I mean last week he IMed me 5 days in a row right after I got off of work. The second my away message came down on aim he was IMing me saying welcome home and Im like… he fucken stalking me now? So stupid. And then hed s tart talking and Im just like… I dont care… and he clearly doesnt care what I have to say. So if he doesnt care and I dont care, where do we get? Nowhere. But he hasnt IMed me in like 3 days and Im perfectly fine with that.

And Ive changed! Ive stopped thinking about all the negativeness in my life. Im not wondering why Im being used or lied to or played and that stuff only happened when Luis was in my life. I mean when I finally stopped to think about it… I’m the only girlfriend Luis has ever had, that has been faithful to him. And if THAT isn’t good enough for him on top of everything else Ive done for him… then why do I bother? Exactly. I shouldn’t. So, I don’t care if he’s sleeping with a 15 year old girl and lying to half the world about it. I don’t care if he ends up with a gf. As long as he’s out of my life, doing his own thing and pays my mother back… I’m all set.

Besides. I have my baby, and I love him to death <3 I’m definitely in love with him and I cant believe he’s put up with my crap for this long… but it can only get better.

Lets see.. tomorrow I have work.  Another floorset u_u; Oh!

I forgot. Everett slept over sometime last week. It was like a saturday or something. He needed a place to stay and didn’t want to sleep at his parents. He lives in Boston so yeah. He slept over and told me that he broke up with his gf. Whom, may I remind you, was also underage (16 {what is it with guys I know and dating girls that aren’t even of legal age? Is pre-pubescent really that attractive?}). Im not sure why he decided to tell me, and then this was when he wanted to hang out with me and go to dinner with me. I dunno. It was weird. I figured he wanted something ‘else’ with me. But whatever.

But yeah o_o; uhm. iuno what else to talk about. But Lauren, Kyle, Dano and I all got summer bowling passes at the bowling alley so… that means lots of bowling this summer~! <3 I suck but hopefully Ill get better this summer. 

Hm.. yeah.. babbling now… sooo Im out!