[74] Take the hint~

So I havent updated in like 5 days or so? I know, Im sorry. Theres just been so many things and half of them I don’t even want to remember…

Thanksgiving went fine. My family came over, and as usual, I avoided them because as much as I love them, I don’t like being around them.

Other than that, Ive been working a lot…Luis texted me at one point in time saying that he Misses me and thinks about me alot. When he came over one day in his new car, he told me he didnt have a girlfriend (this was about a week ago). Until he texted me about…2 days ago, he’s been saying he doesn’t have a girlfriend. So..for the first time in 3 months, I went to his Facebook and it said “in a relationship with Jess Hart.” which pissed me off because he has been lying to me this entire time, AND he wouldn’t even write that he was in a relationship with me after we were together for almost a year, but 3 months with this bitch and he’s fine with telling the whole world. I don’t care that he’s going out with someone, it was obvious. Just the fact that he lied to me…I just don’t get it. Why bother lying about something that I already know about?

So I contacted him today and asked him why. He said he didn’t want to hurt me, and that he does care about me and does love me. And also that he will come back to me eventually. I told him not to bother, because even if he did, I wouldnt take him back because no matter what, he’s not going to change. He won’t make any sacrifices for me, like I always have for him He won’t even give up one stupid little yugioh card that has no sell or play value, for me. And if he really did care and love me, then he wouldn’t even be with someone else, he wouldn’t have lied, and he would be with me again already. I straight up told him “You’re dead to me now, and Im not waiting for you anymore.” I also told him never to contact me again in any way shape or form, because I’m changing my number and blocking him from everything that he can possibly contact me from, and also that if he ever shows up at my house again, that I would not hesitate to call the police on him.

And what does he say? “I will get to you somehow…nothing is going to stop me.” So supposedly he’s still determined to come back to me someday and be with me again, and he’s turned Stalker on me…if he is really that determined to be with me someday…what the fuck is stopping him from being with me NOW? I’m single, I don’t have anyone. He’s been with that skank for 3 months but its not like she has anything over me. Im so much better than she is in every way…yes, I’m being cocky. But I’m also being honest.

So today…I had work from 4 to close, which is 10. I was kinda boring, and for the first couple hours that I was there, I went through 3 stages of loss: Denial, anger and…well,…depression. although it wasnt totally depression. I cried a tiny bit but then I went back to angry…then I sort of got over it an accepted it. I was thinking of the Luis situation and I didn’t understand why it bothered me so much to see he was in a relationship. I mean, I knew it all along. But I guess once he finally stopped lying and I saw it, it became more of a reality that I didn’t want to fully accept.

So I accepted it for the most part, and felt like taking a risk. I mean…now that there really isn’t anything holding me back, and Im no longer waiting (not even subconsciously I dont think.) I did something I’ve been putting off, and have been afraid to do because I still believed that asshole was coming back…I went upstairs to A&F and talked to Doan. He gave me a hug, and asked how Iwas and stuff…I talked to him really casually and although I was nervous and found it hard to make eye contact at times…it was good. I felt great. And we laughed for a bit too…I finally told him I wanted to hang out and he was up for it too! So I gave him my number and I told him to call me and that if he doesn’t, I’ll have Jahmel bother the hell out of him ^-^ he thought it was funny and it was kind of ironic that I had a “Little miss Stubborn” shirt on…so basically I wouldn’t take no for an answer. Hah so it went pretty fricken awesome. I’m proud of myself for approaching him and talking to him and basically asking him out (even though its just to hang out.).

So…doing that made me forget my Luis issue completely and I smiled the rest of the night and I’m still smiling! Finally breaking out of my little shell~ <3

I got tired of Johnny’s passive aggressiveness so I went total bitch on him and told him why I would never date him…it was so harsh, but it was also the bitter truth and how I really felt…we haven’t talked since but he did leave me a message saying he didn’t want to lose me (this was last night). I didn’t respond though, I just ignored it. I don’t like how he’s been acting with me. I’m fine being his friend but he needs to stop being so…I dunno. Its weird.

Oh yeah…I had some Broccoli Cheddar soup from Au Bon Pan….Pain…something. It’s so fucking good *-* I don’t know which I like better though…Panera’s or this one…I’ll just have to have them both in one day o_o! Lauren and I want to do something tonight but…we dunno what to do! We played Halo 2 yesterday until like 2 and while playing we watched season 3 of Red vs Blue! We then made all the characters from it >_> I am Michael J. Caboose and she is Franklin Donut! lol so awesome…

Im tempted to buy GH3 for PS2. I mean, I want the 360…but the one I want (the Elite) is about $500. I can definitely afford it..but I’m so goddamn cheap…that I’m not going to get it. And I don’t want the Pro. Everyone has the Pro. And I don’t care that there are tons of face plates you can choose from to change it…thats just the faceplate…not the whole thing. I want allll of it black. If it came in all dark red, I would so get it despite the price. Yes. I love red. <3

Oh…and I found my favorite Robot Chicken clip…it’s so fucking funny. It’s the stages of depression with the Giraffe stuck in quicksand. Well…I’m not sure if its the Stages of depression…its some stage of some emotional issue -_-;; Anyhow…HERE IT IS

[73]

I just realized that Luis did alot more damage than I thought.

[72] Hush, little heart, dont cry

I’ve grown increasingly lonely tonight…not sure why, really. I guess because Thanksgiving last year was spent with Luis and his family. Ugh…I was hoping Ryuki would somehow keep me company tonight, nothing special, just to talk to me so I don’t end up doing something stupid like trying to contact Luis in some way…unfortunately…he’s busy playing PSU…eh…Im beginning to think he plays that game a little too much…I mean granted, Im not his gf, but if I were, would it be the same way? Cuz I don’t get that much attention from him now. We talk but it seems like I talk twice as much as he does, since he’s always distracted by PSU…I can’t be with someone that dedicates that much time into a game again…*sigh* I dunno…I should just go to sleep or something.

Lacuna Coil – Closer

[71] ehhhh…

Oh jeeze. Im officially a fatty. I had leftover KFC then some pasteles that my mother made @_@ I’ve been eating too much lately ._.;;

Anywho…today sucked ass. Jesse called from JS to ask if I could come in  early…i told her I wasnt sure if I could, cuz I thought I was going to get my hair done today. Turns out, that didn’t happen. So she calls me around 3:30 and says I was scheduled from 3-10…then she starts saying I need to check the schedule more often because it’s the second time thats happened…I told her I did. every day, and that it said 6-10. I dunno if I was wrong, or if she was wrong, or if something happened…regardless, I got to work late. I would have been there earlier…if my niece hadn’t remove every piece of clean clothing from my room -_- I had the worst time finding it! I didn’t understand why she was allowed in my room in the first place when I wasn’t home…but she ended up putting all my clean clothes, with all the dirty clothes downstairs…so I have to re-wash everything and only a couple things remained clean…ugh. I was pretty pissed.

And then when I actually got to JS…it was total chaos. I don’t know why it was so busy on a Wednesday, but it was horrible. There were dresses and hangers intertwined with other dresses, and even inside them. Almost everything was hung in the wrong place…the denim wall looked like a bomb hit it…there were so many people going to the dressings rooms that go-backs were constant… it sucked. It got better once I had some coffee though, thanks to Lauren <3 for some reason, having White Mocha…iced…coffee…whatever it’s called, gets me hyper and happy. Coffee has never done that to me before. Hrm.

Kate came in to visit me <3 She started talking to me about Justin and it turns out that the exact problems I had with Luis, she is having with Justin…if not worse, since they live together and Justin actually has slept with other girls while with Kate…She said I was the only one who understands, because I’ve been through it, and her friends are gettin sick of hearing her talk about her problems in regards to her bf problems…so yeah, I totally understand what she’s going through completely. I told her my 2 cents, and I gave her the same advice my mother gave me. She felt better, and hopefully it helped her make up her mind about what to do…

After she left, it got me thinking about Luis, and my dearest Nexi…she didn’t know I had to put him to sleep, so telling the story to her was kind of hard…whats worse is that it’s almost the 25th…it will be about 6 months since he was put to sleep, and with every passing month it never gets any easier to deal with…

Hm…Thanksgiving is today (technically, since its 1:13am)…Im pretty sure I’ll have lots of family over today…which sucks. I hate visitors, I really do, even if it is family… =_=;; it won’t last too long though. They only come for the food, then leave shortly after. I wish I had something to do though~ I really don’t like The Holidays. I don’t like being with my family one little bit… =_=; I never have.

I’m opening at JS…at 7am and I’m stuck there until 2pm, then on Saturday I’m there from 7-3. Wtf? Why not have the girls that have worked there for I dunno…4-5months loner than me, open? I’m not a morning person…and it’s Black Friday so I’m going to need tons of coffee…and looots of patience. And I’m working at Fuji’s later on that night…god only knows how busy the Resturant is going to be…I’m pretty sure I’ll flip out on someone by the end of the night. Yay.

I got my paycheck from JS today though~ hm….and nothing is open tomorrow…so I can’t go to the bank..which sucks, cuz all my money is piling up and I really don’t like having $600+ on me in cash and checks… >_>;;; eh…so yeah…Im bored now.

[70

Oh my god it fuckin snowed.

I hate snow. >_<

[69] Lazy~

[randomness]

Ive been laying in bed for the passed past hour, staring at my laptop’s wallpaper of Ulquiorra from Bleach. He’s depressingly hot looking.

I should really be getting ready for work but I’ve got…nothing to wear. Arg.

Why does curiosity not really kill the cat? (Where did this come from anyway?) My cats venture into my room all the time, knocking everything over…which is normal, cuz they’re cats. They do that. But their curiosity is kind of annoying…I cant find my Wii sensor… T_T;;;

I have to write about something from last night. Im not sure if I actually mentioned it or not…totally unrelated to the HS drama crap. Uhh…dunno. Oh well. I’ll do it when I get home.

Also…Ryuki’s been kinda strange lately~ he’s started saying “I love you” but I take it as “I luv you” cuz…well, Love is kind of a strong word and he hasnt been with me in person~ so it’s probably just friendly. Which I dont mind, but it’s weird because when he says it, he says it really fast, then changes the subject or hangs up realllly fast. Yus.

Iiii miss him though <3 cant wait to go see him. Should be fun >_>…

OMG I need to stop and get ready for work >_<!!!!!

[/randomness]

-00-

Hey Diego: Fuck you.

I love how you used The Trail of Terror to
prove” that you invite me places…for your information, you guys DIDNT invite me to that. I went up to Jen and asker her myself if I could go. I invited myself, you didnt. I HAVE called you before, but you never fucking answer your phone. The rest of the bullshit you wrote to me I didnt even bother reading cuz I dont need your shit. So go ahead and spread your little gossip and rumors just like you always have since 7th grade and be on your way. I dont need a friend like you.

And if you guys want to truly know who that blog was about, it was about the TWO people who confronted me and gave me the dumbest bullshit ever. Diego and Amanda. I love Jen,and ximena and you know what, I probably shouldve been clear with the fact that these two people are not the ones I have issues with. Im sorry for not specifying.

Fact of the matter is: Amanda, youve never once fucking liked me because when I started talking to Jen and Diego again my Junior year, you got protective of them and selfish and didnt want anybody else to have them but yourself. You also didnt like the fact that Ryan liked me and not you. You invite me to your house just so you don’t start anything with me.

Diego, you were never my friend and we’ve never gotten along because everything you do is everything I hate. I hate that you talk shit behind everyones back, I hate that you love to gossip, I hate that you cant keep your mouth shut about anything, I hate that youre so nosy, two-faced and a liar and I hate how you think youre the greatest friend ever when in reality youre an asshole. Look at how you talk to people: when someone doesnt agree with you, you dont consider them youre friend because you always think youre right. Do you remember when you and Jen got into that little tiff, and what she told you about how you talk to her in regards of her sticking up for herself? Yeah, lots of people feel that way. Its not just me. I mean seriously, even in my Senior Year you got mad at me for soething and you started talking shit to EVERYBODY, even people who DIDNT know me, so that you can get them to never speak to me again. Just cuz you were throwing a little bitch fit.

So really, fuck off both of you.

Jen, Im sorry. This is going to break your heart the most. I know you wanted all of us to be friends forever so that we could be apart of that dream you have of all of us hanging out together till we’re well over our 50s and wrinkly and wearing Depends, but I cant be friends with people that never even thought of me as a friend.  I don’t need friends like that.

Quality over Quantity. They obviously dont view me as a good friend. Which is perfect because they werent that great either.