[235] So long, Fuji

Not much to update on really. Went out yesterday. Went to mike’s first and hung out for a bit. Chaz has a girlfriend now, much to everyone’s surprise. After that we attempted to go to a party but that got broken up right quick so instead we went over to Chrissy’s apartment. All the girls were completely obliterated drunk and Joanne was actually already passed out.

It was kind of weird being there. I was the only one that didnt look like a skank in their costume and I felt like I shouldnt be there because of that. Also because I wasn’t drunk and wasnt planning on getting there.

After that I left and went to Kyels and slept over

Today I had work at VS and Fujis. I was extremely tired at VS but survived, clearly. I got off at 4:30 and it takes a half hour to get to MY house and Fujis is 8 minutes away from my house, traffic willing. And since its 4:30 almost 5, its the time where traffic is a god awful bitch from people getting off work to dozens of late buses from school driving around. So with that all in mind it takes much much longer to get even closer to my house. About 45 minutes if not more. So I get a hold of Stacey and tell her that she might get to work before me (Im being optimistic at this point and thinking that I can get there on time, god willing.) and to let Irene know that I just got off work and Im on my way but it takes 30 minutes alone to get to my house so I may be late.

She then tells me that Irene said if I’m not there by 6 that I dont have to come in at all. That scares the hell out of me and I ask her what that means and Stacey says she’s just in a bad mood again… Irene has been in bad moods every day for god knows how long now. It’s not triggered by us. She’s already pissed no mater how right we do things.

So i’m discouraged at this but I figure Irene is just having one of those off days again. So I get there as fast as I can and its just a few minutes to 5:30. I run in and Irene is working on an order. I attempt to help but she just stands there in the way, I cant reach anything at all. Her body language, just like the week before, and the week before that, is screaming at everyone again so I just back off and give her space without saying a word.

She finished packaging everything I was going to do for her and leaves. She comes back, hands me my check and says I can go. I didnt say anything I just took it and grabbed my bag and thought about it for a second. Did this mean she was firing me, and if so on what grounds?

So before I leave I ask what this was all about. She glares at me and says that she warned me last week (false) and said that I dont respect anyone there (false). That I don’t let anyone know if I’m going to be late and that I’m always late (false false false) and that she told us (false on the us) that she was serious about everyone being on time.

I told her I did let Stacey know, just like I always do, that I was going to be late because of my other job. Irene then asks if I work for Stacey and before I can answer, she answers for me. Instead of arguing any further, because Im pretty certain it wouldnt have change anything, and honestly I didnt want it to, I said okay and left.

I’m not upset that I dont work there anymore. I was going to quit two weeks ago for various reasons. She let me go because I’m ‘always late’ and ‘never call’… But Stacey calls out every week, comes in half an hour to an hour late almost every time and doesnt call, she leaves early, she has up to 8 friends under 21 sitting at the bar just talking and she takes like 5 cig breaks within 4 hours… When Stacey is going to be late or not showing up, she calls me to make sure I’m going to be there so Irene doesnt get mad at her. She calls ME. Thats how its ALWAYS been in the entire year and a half that Ive worked there, and the 3 years Stacey has worked there. I wasn’t doing anything any different. And Irene has only been there for a few months. Before her, we had like 5 ‘managers’. If there was a problem, she should have told everyone, and kept it at that instead of just singling me out. I know she’s never liked me, but Im not surprised. Shes always been so cold… for reasons I dont know. I try to be nice but Im just not that talkative or anything. I just stay out of her way as much as possible.

I’m glad to be out of there. Just wish I had quit when I had the chance. I only get paid $8.50 while Stacey is paid… $10. I have to deal with constant sexual harassment from every single chef in that place and when you tell them to shut up they pretend not to understand cuz theyre Chinese. Stacey, jackie and I HATE going back there because of that. For Stacey though its either blunt sex questions, offering one of the guys to spend a night with her, or telling her she’s fat (yeah. They straight up tell you if youve gained weight, and not even in the nicest way). I get the sex questions, the offers, them reaching for my ‘necklace’ to have a closer look or blatantly staring right at my chest or attempting to stare DOWN my shirt, whistling, kissing noises and everything…

And then there’s the waitresses. THe only one that treats anybody like they’re human is EJ and everybody likes him because of that. He’s the best waiter there. The other 3 girls though talk SO much shit behind our backs,and so does Irene. They stare at you and look you up and down and pass judgment and they say your name, followed by a paragraph of chinese words and then they laugh, stare again, or they glare and start talking again…

So.. it definitely wasnt worth staying there for so long… very unfair and all but whatever. Now I’m completely available for VS~ more hours=more money, yay~! I just hope they dont call two weeks from now asking me to come back, like last time when I actually DID quit… *sigh*

God im so tired u_u I dont want to go out tonight because of last night. I’m really not the binge drinking type anymore. I dont enjoy partying for the sake of getting shitfaced. A couple drinks is fine, like at a bar. But… not parties… house parties. No thank you.

I really enjoy going to bars~ the atmosphere is just fantastic and I absolutely love Tisane, which is where I’m going tonight with Lauren, Edward, possibly Kyle and maybe Stacey <3 before then, we’re going to eat vietnamese food! That sounds so exciting This is mostly why I’m going out tonight. Because I love lauren and Edward <3 and its Halloween and I love Tisane and food o_o!

Man Im gonna miss the good sushi….

[234] Echo me this

… ignore the weirdness. AS IF YOU CAN!

Not having my wall scrolls up on the wall makes a HUGE difference in my room… all I have up is the Twilight poster (framed in all its loveliness) and… my room echoes slightly o_o I need more posters! Mom doesnt want me to put the anime wall scrolls back up u_u though I dont mind entirely… those things have been up since… freshman year of HS? lol Its tim efor a change. Thing is, I need more posters! I dont knwo what to put up. I’ve never really been one to like posters but once I saw the Twilight one… I just had to get it. Actually I would like to re-do my entire room, which is what Mom and I are trying to do.

Problem is, before I wanted kind of a retro look with lots of color, cuz I was so over and done with Mom’s color scheme of brown and anything in between… such dull colors. So I wanted a retro look so we’d get away from the traditional look she likes that reminds me of a museum… I like modern things so shiny black or white or silver is big on my list (not that glittering bullshit.)… but just recently, since my Twilight/Vampire obsession Ive wanted a darker look to my room… like this:

 gorgeous, isnt it? Those are pretty much my favorite colors! The… purplish maroon color is as close to crimson as Im gonna get without overdoing it I think. Thats perfect. I’d love this. But my room is rather small so… yeah I dunno what to do really. But I want my room to be differentttt u_u and so it shall be! As I was showering Mom was already asking me what kind of bed I wanted… futon or twin. I told her futon. it seems more practical for the size of my room… but a twin wouldnt be so bad.. probably a lot more comfortable. Maybe a day bed? I dunno. This is hard.

I just got home from work. Chrissy texted me saying she’s having a costume party this thursday so thats just awesomeness in a box. I’m hanging out with Ryan once he gets out of band practice. Kyle’s phone seems to be working again cuz he texted me and I actually got it this time. Tomorrow Lauren and I are gonna go to the mall and try to find a dress that’s close to Alice’s from Twilight…

And Amanda IMed me saying she needs to talk to me. No doubt about the previous entry. But really I’m not going to bother. I dont see what could possibly change or what the point of whatever it is she wants to tell me or ask me would be. It’s not that Im not trying or not willing to be her friend. I just dont wanna hear or deal with it. I’d never minded that she may or may not dislike me. Not everyone will like me and I’m just fine with that. I just dont care to fight for either side.

Pops made Lasagna and that makes me happy <3! And I finished Breaking Dawn last night and that saddens me… the Twilight Guide comes out in December… I have nothing to read! u_u But its okay. I’ll work on my sewing <3 Hopefully with the renovation of my room I can get a desk so I can set up my computer and sewing machine on it.. that would just be fantastic! I’m excited now.

[233] Something something

Oh jeeze. Its been like a week since I last updated and theres… so much to write about. Unfortunately I don’t remember it all! So this is going to be as brief as possible… I guess. Sorry to disappoint.

Uh… Hung out with Steve a couple nights. I think it was Friday that we went to Tisane again and hung out just talking. He seems to ebe having a hard time looking me in the eyes now for long periods of time. I got used to it and just stare at him easily. More or less to creep him out, and it works so yay for me We went for a drive afterwards, this time in my car. I scared him with my driving though… I’ve grown accustomed to driving without the use of my hands and I do it naturally now. As I was driving with him I did it and he started freaking out. That and he’s not a very fast driver like I am.

For a couple days Kyle hadn’t really spoken to me. I thought that we might have gotten into some argument that I don’t remember and that he was really upset with me for it. He didnt text, didnt call, and wasnt online. I started getting really worried. But it turns out that his phone is just a piece of shit. I didnt get any of his texts, and he was busy all the other times so he couldnt call or go online. Stupid, I think so. He works 8+ hour shifts, hes supposed to get a half hour break. A phone call wouldnt hurt.

but whatever.

For a time I really did think I was losing my memory. Kyle and I have had a couple arguments, and although I have them saved in my ichat log automatically, I dont remember them at all. I couldnt remember what day it was, what we argued about, or specific things either one of us said even when he quoted me! And that made me scared for a bit.. what if that wish was finally coming true and working slowly? It would be great! I’d forget completely about Luis and it would be like he hadn’t existed! But if this is whats happening i have no idea. It’s happened before, so why couldnt it again…

Devin got pissed at me for god knows what. As usual he thinks he’s all high and mighty and better than everyone just because he’s ‘attractive’ when really he isnt… but I dont know what happened, I really dont. He had said something… I dont remember what of and my response was “ooooookay. Im gonna go finish reading ttyl” and he said “hey im just acting like you.” and I hadnt understood how what he had said (whatever that was— i dont remember now) was acting like me, because what he said was something that HE always said and I never said. So I had said “You dont really know how I act..” and that set him off I guess and he went on this huge rant and was being very condescending as he always is with me. The entire time I was just telling him that it was best that neither of us continue on with whatever one-sided argument it is that we were having because someone might say something they wouldnt, and it was getting too out of hand for no reason. But of course when I try to act ‘mature’ or get away from a useless situation I’m spoken to like a child, called immature and various other things that dont apply. He finished by telling me he was done with me and to go fuck myself and to not talk to him until I decide to grow up.

And all I had said through out that whole thing was “this is getting out of hand for no reason.” brilliant.

My Dad has been kind of a jerk recently too. the passed couple days he’s picked ‘fights’ with me out of nowhere. on Saturday I was looking for my skinny jeans. I had gown downstairs and as I was looking to see if i had thrown them in the wash, I heard hi whispering to my Mom that I was pissed and to stay out of my way because I’d be a bitch. I couldnt understand why he would possibly say that when I hadnt spoken to anyone, and I hadnt even shown signs of having an attitude. So I went upstairs and told him he should learn to whisper better because I heard him and it hurt my feelings. I said it nicely. But he gets pissed and says he doesnt have to whisper anything in HIS house and if I dont like it to leave. So I told hm that I hadn’t done anything wrong, that I didnt give anyone an attitude nor did I display any aggravation whatsoever and that he had no right to talk shit behind my back and he simply yelled at me “Shut up Raquel.” and told me not to be disrespectful when I hadnt even said a swear, or anything that could possibly be disrespectful but HE had.

Last night I was sitting in the living room minding my own business, waiting for mom to finish her phone conversation so she could help me hang my poster. I was even smiling. Dad walks in, and tells me that my clothes are downstairs and that I better pick them up and bring them to my room or he’s going to throw them out. I was confused… my clothes werent a mess downstairs, they were inside the dryer last I heard because Marlene decided to wash them for me (which Im really against but who the hell cares about that…). I wasnt going to leave my clothes down there or anything. So I asked him, very softly, why he was upset. And then he yells at me that he isnt upset! So still, in a very calm voice I ask again and tell him that if he isnt upset he doesnt need to be yelling. He continues to say he isnt upset and that hes yelling, yet his voice continues to get louder and louder and he’s going on another rant saying hes tired of doing my laundry and there always being a mess around the house…

So im sitting here thinking ‘I do my laundry… Marlene did this batch without my consent, and I dont leave my room. What is he talking about?’ so I said to him, calmly again, that he doesnt have to do my laundry and he also doesnt have to continue to yell at me when I didnt do anything wrong and that I wasnt yelling or giving him an attitude. But he continued. I looked over at Mom confused and she shrugged it off and gave  me that just-ignore-him-and-be-quiet look. I shut up, went downstairs and just ranted to myself on the verge of tears. I couldnt complain to anyone else, I couldnt tell my dad he was being unfair and ridiculous, I couldnt even sit there quietly or cry because that would just start another string of yelled insults.

I gathered my clothes, brought them to my room and felt like a 10 year old that was grounded for something horrible they had done. I was crying over being yelled at for nothing. I’m 20 years old, and Im crying like Im 10. So that got me even more upset. But there was nothing I could do about it. So I cried it out and decided to just avoid everyone, dad especially.

I’ve had a couple dreams that involved Luis. In the first one, he was in a house. I’m not sure if it was his or someone elses he was leeching off of, but he was there on his own with Merlot. I was crying in my sleep in this dream and when I woke up I was still crying. I figured it was cuz merlot, for some god awful reason probably pertaining to Luis being irresponsible, was sick, sad and missing her front legs and looked at me pathetically as if asking for my help. But there was nothing I could do so I left that place crying. I dont remember much of what Luis was trying to do in that dream. My eyes were on Merlot most of the time.

my other dream I really dont remember at all. He was in it, but it was a really dark dream with only the moon for light. I guess it was Twilight-esque but he had no real part in it as far as Im concerned. Although I had two dreams about him, and my family has brought him up a couple times recently (Mom said Obama was tall and skinny and looked nice in clothes just like Luis did. My Sister simply asked how he was doing. I guess she wasnt caught up to speed when everything happened.), he hasn’t come to talk to me like usual when I dream of him. Not that I mind that at all. To me it seems that my ties to him have finally broken and that my dreams no longer call out to him, if thats at all how it worked anyways. And with my sudden memory loss of quite a few things, it’s like Luis has been completely erased from my life. However, I still remember him. but the past doesnt plague me as much. Even my chest pains have stopped.

Hm…Saturday I was supposed to go to a party with Stacey but really I didnt want to. Instead I went bowling with Jen, Diego, Ryan and his gf, David and Ximena. I didnt want to go bowling either. They all know quite well how much I detest bowling and why I hate bowling and why I hat going to that particular bowling alley. Either they didnt care or they didnt bother to remember… even after I had mentioned it. I went, I didnt play. I wasnt in the mood to pay $17 for such a thing. Instead I sat there with my new contacts and fangs (oh yeah, I bought amber immortal contacts and subtle vampire fangs. Theyre awesome <3) and just talked with everyone. Ryan’s girlfriend mostly kept to herself. She’s closer to jen than anyone else though because they work together at Kohl’s. By the second bowling game, Diego Jen and Ximena had lost all enthusiasm and didnt really want to play anymore. Ryan Dave and Amelia played 4 games.

While I was there, Diego asked me if I was going to Amanda’s on sunday. I had no idea what he was talking about and he explained to me that she was having people over to carve pumpkins again just like last year. I was’t surprised that she hadn’t bothered to tell me or send a message to someone else to tell me and invite me for her, which is how it usually goes. After my last message to her in one of these blog entries pretty much telling her to grow the fuck up and stop with the needless drama, Im pretty sure she isnt fond of me anymore. Then again, she never was. The only reason she kept me in mind is because from her twisted perspective certain people will only show up to her events if I’m around.

Meh. Whatever.

Whatever night it is that I hung out with Steve last week, when I got home I looked up tot he sky. It was rather bright with the moon and there were no clouds. Just a crapload of stars and I loved it. And then out of nowhere I saw a streak of light cross the stars and i realized it was a shooting star. It was the first one I had ever seen in my life, and I was stunned for a few seconds. I thought it was silly but I decided to make a wish anyways. I dont think my wish will come true, but I’m not going to reveal it just in case it might.

Annndd last night I finished Breaking Dawn! <3 Fucking love the Twilight Saga. Really I do. And I cant wait to see the movie next month. The trailers are already airing on tv here and there. I saw one last night at like 3am on Adult Swim and my eyes teared up I was so happy. I also have the soundtrack pre-ordered already <3 And I framed and hung a poster i bouht with Edward & Bella <3<3<3

Okay.. enough writing. This was longer than it was supposed to be and I have to get ready for work~

[232] Scream for your cream

the day wasnt so great. I had a weird variety of nightmares, or maybe it was just one nightmare drawn out for the entire night with a million things happening. I don’t quite remember any of it, I just know that whatever I dealt with, was not human. Probably has something to do with that talk I had with Kyle last night.

Work I was a little aggravated. Irene was in another one of her moods and her body language just screamed at everyone. but I got through it so it was all good.

Before work I had gone tot he mall (surprise, surprise!) and bought a couple shirts… a paramore one from Hot Topic and a yellow scarf along with a necklace that has a chat bubble a lightning bolt  and a heart shaped gem. I then went to Pac Sun and got two tank tops, cuz you can never have too many of those. I was going to buy a jacket too but… they were too expensive. I then went to MetroPark and bought a necklace that has a heart with a keyhole, and a key. Its so pretty~! <3

After work Steve picked me up at my house and we went to the movies. We saw Nick + Nora’s infinite playlist! It was such a cute movie! I love it. Some parts made me wonder why it was pg13… but I loved it regardless and Im so glad I finally got to see it. I hope Steve enjoyed it too~

We both have to be up early in the morning so that was all we did… and of course we kissed a lot. He said I better be free Monday cuz he wants to see me. Unfortunately I have work 3:30-9… But i have wednesday and Thursday off so I hope we can hang out then! I told him I missed him but its good that hes always so busy so that the time we do spend together is more appreciated. He seemed to agree with me and thought it was cute that I said I missed him.. he then proceeded to tease me about it. u_u I mentioned the fact that we were from totally different worlds… and we had nothing in common, because really we dont!

So here I am at home. Its 12:30am anddd I feel like its still so early and I wish Steve and I could have spent more time together~ stupid responsibilities! But its okay. I’ll just continue reading New moon <3<3<3

I wasnt able to go to the Ren Faire with Lauren today… I hope she isnt upset …

(by the way the title of this entry is from Dethklok’s Duncan Hills Coffee song which for some reason I love)

[231] Twilight

With every moment I get more and more excited about Twilight’s movie coming out Noember 21. I just went to the official website and saw that there’s a soundtrack up for preorder… so I went there and I hear Hayley’s voice from Paramore… they have two new songs coming out and theyre for Twilight. One of them is called Decode and its positively phenomenal. My heart wanted to leap out of my chest I was so happy and how great the song itself made me feel.

If you want to hear it, check it out here. I’ll definitely be purchasing a soundtrack. Ill even pre-order it. There’s also some information there about exclusive listening parties being held at Hot Topics like all over the country. So yeah, also going to that <3

So I finished the first book last night. Tonight right after work I went to Borders and bought the second book; New Moon along with a bookmark. One of the metal ones, with a purple moon and stars on it and a ribbon with dangling beads and stars. Engraved into the bookmark it says ‘May the moon softly restore you by night’ . I thought it was rather befitting of the book and myself since Im such a night person…

After I bought the book I went for a drive for about an hour and a half. Drove through Old Farms and Burlington Ave and everything… it was a depressing feeling but it was something I welcomed. I enjoy going on drives like that, but I also hate them. I feel so lonely but I like being alone at that moment. But at the same time, the loneliness hurts and it makes me wish I were rushing home to someone waiting for me like it used to be. But I took my time. I realized I had nowhere to rush to, nowhere to really be. So I listened to some soothing music, stuff that I wouldnt normally listen to in the car simply because it wasnt happy enough. My  mind was surprisingly blank. no thought plagued me like they usually do, so nothing really brought me down. I was in a state of … god I dont even know the right word to use… I really have no words for it. It was sad but I was perfectly happy in a sense. I dunno. Youd have to experience it yourself in order to fully understand. if I can at all find the words, I will write them. But until then…

That feeling is coming back to me though as I listen to this Paramore song. It’s just too beautiful. And the book, New Moon, hits rather close to home for me. I feel like I should be crying but Im smiling and Im okay… I can feel something inside waiting to surface but.. its not going to unless I let it. And Im stronger than it, so it wont. But I feel like it should. Like I should let it out and that if I do hopefully it’ll leave me forever…

But I’m okay. I wonder if this makes sense to anyone else besides myself? I dont know…. but I’m okay.

[230] She’s got hiiiigh hopes~

Another awesome day!

I woke up a million times this morning. I guess my body just didnt want to continue sleeping since I’m beginning to get used to waking up early. I’m happy about that~ I dont like sleeping in, I just did it cuz I had nothing better to do…

But yeah~ Yesterday Steve had said he was free today around noon and he would call me. I didnt really thing he would… but by 12:30 he called!

He was in West Hartford center at Starbucks so I headed there and we hung out… he gave me a hug when he saw me and we went inside and talked after I got a coffee. He showed me how to play Sudoku too! Finally SOMEONE did. Back in High school asked my friends and no one fucking explained it to me. He asked me what I was doing saturday and to keep it open for him after work. He also told me he missed me and he blew me a kiss and everything… I cant believe he said he missed me this week! And when he blew that kiss at me I started blushing immensely and I just looked away for a moment, and when I turned back I just stuck my tongue out at him. he says he likes when I do that. I guess I look cute?

He showed me what books he was reading cuz I told him about Twilight. He likes memoirs just like I do~ After that we went to a music store. He wanted to show me a new bass he wanted to get… it was gorgeous! He hooked it up to an amp and played a bit, testing it out to see how it sounded and he said it sounded much better than his… and the entire time I was keeping my distance. Hearing him play was driving me insane and I just wanted to jump him! So as he played I listened intently and looked at some guitars and decided I was going to get one. Buuuut I’ll bring Jen in with me so she can help me decide lol they weren’t too much… about $290. Is that cheap for an electric guitar? I have no idea.

Steve says that playing bass would be easy for me since I used to play the viola, which is what I figured all along so I’m glad he confirmed that for me. After that we went to his car so he could drop off his jacket and his bag of books. I was looking at, what I think, is the fattest squirrel Ive ever seen in my life as he did this, and then suddenly he spun me around and yanked me towards him and kissed me. Ugh… so hot. I love that hes rather aggressive with me.

Oii Im blushing again! After that we went to Cosi’s and sat outside. A bee came and started buzzing around my and I tried so hard not to freak out.. the stupid thing was lingering around me specifically for too long! Thankfully before  went crazy it flew towards Steve and…. well, he freaked out. Haha. It was so cute seeing him trying to avoid contact with a bee. And then he asked me what kind of super villain I would be, or if I would be a hero instead.  considered it a really good question and I wasn’t entirely sure which side I would be on. But he asked me about super powers and I automatically said I would be like Rogue, minus the multiple personality disorder issue, or that I would be like Angel but instead I’d have one angel and one demon wing… and then it made me think of my tattoo “Lovely Sin”… hehe so I then realized it was very fitting of me.

After that we walked around, back to my car because I had work (or at least I thought I did) at 4. Then I started asking mundane questions like his favorite color, season, sport, animal, number and those silly things. As stupid as those questions are, you still learn a lot about a person. He didnt understand the Favorite Number question though. He seemed to think it was a silly thing. So when I told him my favorite numbers… I think he understood a bit more; 2 is my favorite number because it’s better then 1… 2 isnt alone and essentially thats what you want in life. You want to be a 2 and not a 1.

We also seemed to have the same idea when it comes to children; we dont want them. lol. I told him I would probably adopt a kid… when theyre like 10 and he agreed that he wanted to adopt when the kid was perfectly capable of fending for himself… or cleaning himself at the very least. lol So I didnt feel too awful. Whenever I say something like that to anybody else they think Im a horrible person!

So he escorted me to my car and we sat in it and he… pretty much loved it and said it was immaculate compared to his car. I cant wait to see what his reaction will be to the RSX… lol so yeah… we kissed for a bit and he apologized and explained he’s a bit of a sleaze. I thought that was hilarious, and he is! But regardless I still like him and he respects me so its okay.

So he got out, I drove away and I took the scenic route to work! Through Old Farms. It was so beautiful.. the trees were a perfect color and as I was driving it was really windy which I also love. I reached a point where it opened up into a field and the wind was blowing and the golden leaves and pine needles were flying around.. it was like something out of a movie and I loved every second of it.

When I got to work, everyone was surprised I was there. It turns out I didnt have to work at all! u_u

So I start driving home, I call Steve but his phone is off because he has work today. I call Kyle instead cuz I dont want to go home and spend time inside for the rest of the day cuz its just far too nice. But he has class. So I call Mike and try to make sure our plans were still on for the night cuz we’re supposed to be going to a new bar today.

I get home, talk to Kyle for a bit and then Bill from the car place calls… and he says hes just calling to see how everything was going… but he didnt mean about the car or getting the money… it was so strange! I had assumed he was calling about the RSX so I told him about it but he really was just… calling me to talk! And on HIS cell phone! I’m going saturday morning to see other RSX’s that are the same year and cheaper. The sooner I get a beautiful, the better <3

So after that I developed a theory that guys get lonely in the fall. The thing is, Bill had a girlfriend! He told me so. But its been a couple months and things change… and nowadays… having a girlfriend doesnt matter much now does it?

So yeah. After that I went to the Mall to visit Chrissy and give her the coupon from VS that I got and cant use. I was there for an hour waiting for Mike to get back to me and she got off at 7. So I walked her to her car and we talked and stuff and then I went to buy a convertible bra cuz it has clear straps. Then I went into Express and visited Steve. We talked for a bit, and he confirmed for Saturday night. It was getting busy in the store for him though so I left, got a coffee and here I am!

And I read Jen’s away message… and her blog… then Amanda’s away message and her FB status.

And seriously I’m just going to say this and I really dont care who gets pissed off: FUCKING STOP THE DRAMA. I’m not directing this towards anybody but it’s pretty obvious as to what and who its for/about. I’ll elaborate with this: Not everybody is going to drop all their shit just so that YOU are happy. People have lives, people have things to do, get over it. And your away messages… the little tidbits of how sad you are or upset you are or jealous you are and that youre ‘friends’ dont care, or dont keep their promises… do you really think anyone is gonna want to hang out with you if youre trying to guilt everyone into it? Youre pushing people away there sweetheart.

So, even if I’m misunderstanding this particular situation, it still speaks for all the other ones. And at this point I dont care if someone gets mad at me. I’m tired of people keeping their mouth shuts just so that they dont upset people.

But anyways, I’m in a fantastic mood nonetheless so it’s time to go and get ready for the night~ Im sure my happiness is making some people throw up though, hah.

[229] Down the rabbit hole

Can I just say I love working at VS? Yesterday I was there from 1-9pm. Honestly, I was considering calling out because I just felt awful when I finally got out of bed. I’m still rather sick but it’s only terrible when I first wake up… But I figured it wasn’t a good enough reason to skip out on work entirely, especially since I was closing.

So I got there and Lauren and Diana were working., which made it all the more awesome to be out on the floor. I was taught how to use the register, how to do sales, exchanges and returns, using checks, coupons and what not and it wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be. Lauren agreed with me that part of my fear and distaste of it stemmed from working at Jasmin Sola.. where I had received no training whatsoever and compared to this environment, JS was mean. Here at VS, I feel welcomed and liked despite the fact that I’m not much of a conversationalist while working. Not yet anyways.

I loved working at the register, actually! Interacting with the customers and asking them if they found everything okay and how they were doing… which is really odd. I’m not much of a people person in situations like that… and to top it all off, our sales went better and doubled from the day before.

Heather, our new CSL, and I were the only ones closing that night. It was kind of intimidating at first and nerve wracking especially since she was relatively new herself but she’s really easy going and shes a sweetheart. Although she’s adorable she’s a great employee and you cant mistake her sweetness for weakness. She can be quite commanding but never in a horrible fashion.

While I was at work, Steve had called me half an hour before my break so naturally while I was actually on my break I gave him a call. He had apologized for missing my call the night before, and explained that he had fallen asleep. I didnt mind and I told him so. He asked when Iw as getting off of work and when I told him 9 he seemed a bit disappointed, because he had class and was working until 1:30am just like my shift on Sunday, so he wouldnt be able to see me that night… and he’s really busy this entire week. He let me know though that he would let me know when he’s free so we could hang out~

He also left me a voicemail from the first missed call which I have saved because he sounds so cute.

When I got home, Kyle texted me after he got home from class. His computer went lame so he’s been trying to fix it. We got into a tiff. I don’t remember what it was about really but I remember confronting him about going to D-brown whenever him and I had an altercation. It turns out that he’s been going to her whenever he fights with mea and she’s beginning to find it creepy and is no longer attracted to him. She’s even said to him before that he’s with me and he shouldnt be going to her like that… and at first when I was told this, I didn’t entirely believe it. When you hear things like that from somebody else… I dunno, it’s hard to believe. But it was confirmed from a very reliable source… so thats very upsetting that he’s been lying to me this whole time, and trying to keep one of my friends on the back burner.

So when you look at it, he’s really just a Luis. Can I pick em or what?

After a while I didnt want to argue anymore and I changed the subject. Angry text messages never solve anything anyways. He then asked me what time I would be up tomorrow and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch around noon before he went to class. To be honest, I didn’t really want to… but I told him that if I was up, then sure. Besides… what could be the harm?

I was actually afraid he’d be overly affectionate with me and call me babe and hun and try to hold my hand and all these things that I normally dont like.

But this morning he texted me and said he didnt have time. So I had nothing to worry about.

Today I havent done much either. Around 630 I went to Borders in hopes that I could find a book to read, then go to Michael’s and buy some felt to make more plushes. Lauren suggested I read Twilight, and really I dont want to because everyone is going nuts over it and theres already a movie on its way… but then its super popular for a reason, so might as well give it a shot… I also wanted to buy Kieli vol 2. Unfortunately thats not out yet.. Amazon lied…

So yeah, went to Borders but they didnt have Twilight, they had like… New Moon or something which I think is the 3rd book… I dunno. And like I said, Kieli isnt out yet. I was going to go to Michaels but I wasn’t sure just yet… I wanted to get the book before anything else and I figured that I would just go to AC Moore since its so much closer to my house. So I skipped Michaels and went to the Borders at the mall… there were like 8 copies of Twilight and the sequel to it so I got one and walked around for a bit. I saw one of those books that have blank pages with questions and you answer… basically its a book about your life. I had bought one years ago and never finished it. I was interested in trying it out again, because I figured I would have more interesting answers this time… but I decided against it. Maybe another time. So I purchased Twilight, along with some japanese cookie filled with chocolate called “Hello Panda”. I used to have these, along with Pocky and other treats all the time.

I walked around the mall for a bit, trying to remember what else it is that I wanted to do… I kind of wanted to stop by Blue Moon in hopes of finding another voodoo doll like the cupid and devil I have… and maybe buy one for Steve but I wasnt sure if he would think its cute… then I wanted to go to Hallmark and possibly by a cute little halloween thing but then I wouldnt know why or what to get… then I wanted to go to Macy’s and buy myself another pair of skinny’s… but I didnt remember this until I was already outside.

So I went to call Mike so I could pick up my Wii and I end up calling Steve but halfway through the first ring I hung up. I didnt want to seem desperate to see him… but he called me back right away and asked how I was and what I was up to. I let him know, and then he asked me if I was doing anything tomorrow because he’s free after 2… so I told him I was working at 9 and wasnt sure until what time but that I would let him know and he would figure out something to do. But since tomorrow is wednesday Im pretty certain he wants to go to Tisane, which is perfectly fine with me. Besides, it doesnt seem like Everett is going to be having anymore wednesday parties… which doesnt matter anyways because I would rather hang out with Steve then go through the awkwardness of being around Everett. I love the guy (as a friend, mind you) but for some reason I dunno. It’s just strange being around him after the last time we hung out so late together…

So yeah called Mike, and picked up my Wii. He’s under the impression that Everett is moving out… and he’s pretty much right. His computer, bed and clothes were all gone. So he’s pretty much slowly moving out without even telling Mike or anybody… so Mike is a bit upset. :/

He invited me to hang out at Essex but I told him I had work early and just headed home… on my drive home, I went a different route home and took exit 39 and drove through Meadow Rd… where I used to go through all the time to get to wherever it was Luis wanted me to take him or pick him up from. I had always liked going through that road back in the day because its just a rather long road amongst cornfields and its always very dark at night and I like that… but this time when I drove through, it actually physically hurt. I could feel the chest pains coming back again, and this time they were pretty bad. I havent had them much lately. It seems when Im out working I dont feel them at all but when Im at home theyre horrible. And anything that involves Luis, seems to bring them back. Which is rather odd since he’s finally out of my life…

Dad was getting ready to go to work. He’s working from 9pm to.. around 7am or later tomorrow. I felt kind of bad and told him that if he needed anything to just call and he assured me not to worry. Mom is also staying over tonight but she accompanied him to the job sight and should be back… in about an hour (1am). Before Dad left he told my mom to take it easy and that he didnt want her working at the job because she’s been really sick and has had some blood clotting issues. when I heard this I joked and said we were all falling apart; Dad with his back pain and constant dizzy spells, mom with her on-going period (its been on 2.5 weeks now…) and me with my severe chest pains. Thankfully Dad joked with me and said my chest pains were probably due to being in love. At that we both laughed and he ruffled my hair like I was a toddler…. thats what I miss… we seemed normal for a couple minutes.

Ive been reading Twilight since and watching tv and much to my disappointment Ive encountered a name I’m not too fond of in this book; Jessica. Theres a character in the book with that name when whenever that name appears in a page, sometimes more than twice, no matter where I am on the page, I can always see that name and its like it’s highlighted. On the periphery of my vision, all words around that name are blurred and it seems like that name is 3x the size of the rest of the font on the book. Like its laughing at me. Another painful reminder of things I want to forget and put behind me but something (and it sure as hell is NOT me) just doesnt want me to forget about it. If I had it my way, I would have had this disgusting memory erased along with my entire childhood…

But I bought the book, I’m gonna finish it regardless of that names appearance and how much I’m really not into the book… or rather, I’m STARTING to get into it. It started off slow but it seems Im starting to fall for Edward Cullen’s charm in this book. He seems like me, in that he warns the person he cares for that he’s dangerous and he should stay away. It’s funny, I’e done that so many times but the opposite always happens… He’s a Lovely Sin, just like me~ <3 I came first though.