Protected: [286] Just a survey about someone.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

All you need is love…

Elton John – Your Song

It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside
I’m not one of those who can easily hide
I don’t have much money but boy if I did
I’d buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one’s for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it’s done
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they’ve got me quite cross
But the sun’s been quite kind while I wrote this song
It’s for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it’s done
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

Moulin Rouge – Elephant Love Medley (lyrics bleow)

[284] Curse of the Sentra

Im thoroughly convinced that my car is cursed. As the title clearly says.

I had work today at like~ 1pm and I couldnt go through Avon Mt. cuz well. It was snowing like crazy and I probably wouldve died had I gone that way. So I ended up going a completely different rt. The only rt. I could remember was to go through Farmington then through Avon. Its the same distance so it doesnt matter much.

But Im never doing that again. Despite how slow I was actually going, it didn’t matter. There was a turn, and I saw it so I slowed down even more and I’m liek “Hey, I hope I can take this turn!” and nope. I couldn’t. You know those signs that say ‘Sharp Turn’? Yeah. I landed riiiiight between two of those.

… yeah I know. Sharp Turn. Shut up, I wasn’t going that fast. I wasn’t even going 30mph. So Im stuck in a snow bank, and I call work all nonchalantly and I tell jackie that I’m stuck cuz of a crappy turn I took and need to dig myself out. So shes like okay thats fine Ill let Lauren know. So I get out, and just kinda.. stare at my car.

Juuust staring… and thinking “Whaaaaaaat the fuck?” so needless to say it was much worse. It was so in the snow it pretty much looked like it was apart of the snow. Like they somehow merged together cuz I didnt know where the car ended and the snow began. Cars are passing and just staring and I’m like “Well you guys are assholes. Thanks for the help!” and just when Im done thinking that this one guy pulls over in a Volks and offers help. Then another guy in like a suit tries to help. And then some random lady, sweetly comes to help too! Coolest thing ever.

But unfortunately it only got worse. The tires weren’t spinning at all. Guy #1 thinks the axle or something may be broken. Lady says the wheel looks bent in. Suit man doesnt say much. Somehow a cop got there, I don’t really know where he came from or who called him but he does an analysis, takes my license and what not and I’m thinking “Well Im screwed.”. Tow guy comes and says the springs might be damaged. This entire time I’m trying to get a hold of my parents. Neither one is picking up. So I call Kyle, bawling my eyes out cuz I had a terrible terrible night, and Ive just been in an accident and my car might be damaged. Again.

So, super nice tow guy gets my car out of the snow easy peasy, and the cop comes and gives me my info back already and then… gives me a ticket. WHAT THE FUCK?! He said the ticket was for ‘driving too fast for the conditions’ which is retarded. So Tow guy starts driving and hes surprised himself and says he cant believe the cop gave me a ticket. He looked at the car and said I wasn’t even that far into the snow bank so I couldn’t have possibly been going so fast, and the roads were ridiculous. Once we got to the garage place thing he checked the car out, and it was drivable! It turns out that there was so much snow compacted into the tires that it pretty much froze the springs so that the tires couldnt drop down or spin, but that now it was perfectly fine. He drove the car a bit to make sure, and when he got out he confirmed it and then said.. I have atrocious tires and thats why I slid into a snow bank.

So it wasn’t even my fault the car is just a piece of crap! After that whole thing, Im still crying and I call Kyle and I start crying even more and I tell him about my night and how I felt and it was just awful. I called work afterwards and Lauren picked up and I told her about everything. She said it was okay and to just take care of myself and do what I needed to do and not worry about coming to work. I felt absolutely awful for not being able to go in… I felt awful, looked awful and my clothes were soaked anyways from being in the snow and rain and with how crummy my car is and how bad the roads were… yeah it just wasn’t happening.

But I still drove home afterwards.. lol. Been home ever since. Haven’t done much… I have a pile of dishes to clean and I really don’t want to… Kinda hungry too but dunno what to eat and I dont really want to…

Kyle and I have sort of been arguing like, all day. So many things have been said and he’s so incredibly worried about me. He thinks I’m clinically depressed, and after everything thats been going on and how Im behaving I’m beginning to think he’s right. He suggested I start going to therapy again and I really don’t want to… they’ll just prescribe pills again and side effects for pills are always 5 times wore than what theyre actually treating. I dont think I want to take an anti-depressant that has a high risk of causing you to commit suicide. Dont need a pills help for that~ no sir.

So yeah… Since abouuuttt 4 or so I’ve been playing Call of Duty 5 (did I mention I bought that? Cuz I did, a coupl days ago.). Yeah. I’m obsessed. I didn’t think I would get so into it but I fricken love this game. And its not even my kind of game! But uh. yeah. Awesome. I kinda wanna go play it again right now… but I was playing for like 5 hours! My hands hurt u_u; Jen needs to get it so we can play together

Theres a couple of things i want to write about again but I won’t. Not because I cant but because I choose not to. Besides, as much as I dislike this person what difference would it make what I say, right? She’s still going to be a selfish bitch about everything. (And no Amanda this has absolutely nothing to do with you. I wouldnt say that about you~). So yeah. I’ll just…. hush up about it as best I can.

Blah.. I need to eat… back to CoD5!

[283] Slip on through

I feel kinda bad cuz my entries lately have been kinda.. blah-ish… I havent gone into detail about anything that Im doing and I just babble, but of course theres reason for that. But I cant go into it… made a promise. And also i know who reads this based on what they search, how they search and when they search for my blog. It’s rather entertaining. I feel like making up information just to piss certain people off but Im not that much of a bitch and I’m not a liar.

There are things that people have talked to me about that sort of make me feel better about the situation I’ve recently put myself in (can’t go into it, sorry but don’t worry its nothing too serious. Nothing dangerous or whatever it is you may be thinking right now O_o;). People have told me, in short, that regardless of what has happened that… I’m still there. I’m still rather important despite what I think or how I feel or how things seem to be playing out… and that maybe things will go back to how they were. ANd when I hear that, it makes me feel so great, like I’m not wasting my time but then of course, I start to think… and I haven’t thought about things seriously in so long. Like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve pretty much trained myself not to think so much because it gets me in trouble, it gets me depressed and I find out things that I don’t want to know… So I started thinking and because I’m naturally pessimistic and ‘realistic’, everything these people have told me, despite their efforts to try and make me feel better or have some sort of change of heart or hope or whatever… it still just comes back to me and it all results in… What they’re saying isn’t true.

Nothing is going to change, it wont go back to how it used to be and I really am just wasting my time and that really hurts especially with how I’ve been behaving and how I’ve felt. I think that I’ve behaved in a manner that says… hey, I’ve made a lot of changes, I’m a better person, I’m not at all who I used to be… but it doesn’t matter. I am just not enough. And that really hurts, it really bothers me but what can I do? 

Theres sooo much more I can say about this but the more I go into it the more I break my promise.

There is also another thing thats been bugging me quite a bit and actually it pisses me off more than anything. This person is not a friend of mine, and I don’t know them personally because I never got the chance to for various reasons. But recent;y I came to learn some things about this person and I just have to say that I am very disappointed and I’m embarrassed because I thought you were a cool person, and I even thought you were so much better than me for certain things. But really.. you’re just a selfish little bitch. I thought you were, on some levels, sort of like me because we seemed to like the same things, and we spoke the same way and we dealt with the same things. I thought you wanted to be my friend because you thought I was cool and I admit that I wanted to be friends with you but I told you we couldn’t unless something in particular left your life, but it turns out that you just wanted to keep your ‘enemy’ closer. You thought I was a threat and you were jealous of something that no longer existed and you made someone hate me because of that. And yet this whole time you were being a skeazy bitch. You were being selfish and telling me to stay away and get over everything already. You dont know what love is. You dont know how relationships work and since you havent gotten hurt, you’re not going to learn anything. But go ahead. Have your fun and be a hypocrite. I feel bad for you and I feel stupid that I thought you were cool, and that I thought you and I had some things in common or that we ere alike. We clearly are nothing alike because I would never, ever, ever fucking do what you did no matter what happens or what someone does to me.

And it just goes to show that I am a good person. A damn good person. And everyone knows it.

Okay! Now that THATS out of the way. What else is there to discuss?…

Oh right! My dear old friends and not so friend. Ryan came to me and asked me fi I was going to this thing on some friday that amanda was having. I laughed and told him Amanda would never invite me if she had a choice and she surely wont now or ever again. And I was right. She didnt. He said he would talk to her and try to get her too and I laughed again and told him that it wouldn’t work, but he tried anyway and surely enough she said No. He was pissed. Jen was pissed. Ximena was upset. DIego was confused. I think its hilarious, I mean I’m upset that she can’t get passed her grudges. I have told everyone I have nothing against her and they know that I dont. The only issue is… all in her head apparently. So pretty much its back to High School where everyone but her hangs out with me at m place without her knowing, or extending an invitation but not expecting her to come at all because its me, and not going to her place to hang out, or hanging out at a neutral area like Jen’s or Ryan’s or Diego and Ximena’s house so we can both be there. I think its completely ridiculous, I don’t want to do that but nothing I do is gonna change anything and everyone else just stopped caring and doesn’t want to deal with the drama and said Hey… she doesnt want to then whatever but we’re not ignoring you just cuz someones gonna throw a hissy fit.

Another thing that I find hilarious… actually it’s two more things, about this situation. Amanda is pissed at me and hates me for something I wrote on my blog and she doesnt like the fact that I wrote my thoughts out about a situation regarding her and a bunch of other crap. I seem to remember a situation where she wrote something about Jen and Joe, and Jen got a bit upset and confronted her about it and her excuse was “Its just a blog, I can write anything in it, Its not a big deal and it doesnt mean anything.”

Uhm. Does anyone see what went on there? Hypocrisy! 

The last thing is that she apparently invited Chris Kuhn, whom she doesnt even really know at all and isnt friends with, to the whole friday thing. He didnt go. We were talking about it, briefly, when Jen and I went over to Eric’s house to play some halo and Rockband. Funny stuff.

On to random boring things. I switched my phone from my Mom’s name, to mine and I was approved for 3 lines with no deposit… so that means my credit, though I dont have much, is pretty awesome! So that makes me happy. Also, my credit card limit was just recently raised from $500 to $1000 and I was late on one payment… so thats awesome sauce as well, so I’ve been buying a lot of stuff lately… >_>;;

Had a meeting at work today and I was just so out of it. Completely anti-social… but apparently in a couple weeks we have a new bra coming out with a ‘removable cookie’… when I heard cookie, and thankfully I wasnt the only one that thought this, but I was thinking of like a sugar cookie or something. Well, the bra doesnt come with edible sugar cookies or whatever. The leaf-shaped padding that you see in bras that are often lost in the washer because we forget to take them out and hand wash them instead (you ladies know what Im talking about) thats called a Cookie! Yeah. Funny stuff.

After the meeting I went to starbucks and ended up getting a free pomegranate tea thing. Awesome! Its so yummi I’m really babbling again… and Im rather bored… and its sunday so there isnt anything to do anyways. Awesome. u_u;

OH! A word of advice: NEVER TAKE SHOTS OF AFTER SHOCK. That shit’s positively atrocious. It tastes like a Fireball and it has these itty bitty crystals inside of it, and if one of those gets in your shot, God help you. It’ll fuck you up and the next day everything is going to taste like a fireball no matter what you do.

[282] What a riveting entry!

Not much has been going on lately. Haven’ been working much, thanks to our DM wanting to cut hours to the max… but whatever. After a while I just stopped caring. I dunno.

There isn’t much I’m allowed to discuss for various (one) reason. I don’t wanna create any issues for anyone because someone’s a selfish *choose youre own word to insert here. Really any will do* 

But Anyways I haven’t been home much. Did grocery shopping the other night for the first time by myself and ended up buying $130 worth of food. Is that a good thing? I have no idea. Its like 10:30 at night and some sketchy sunuva bitch rolls up in like a honda with tinted windows and he starts hitting on me. He says the usual crap… ‘dont mean to disrespect but I just wanted to say youre mad cute” or whatever. But then he said “Are you shoppin for your family? You must be married or have a boyfriend cuz youre so beautiful.” WTF?! and then he asks for my name and I tell him not to worry about it and he keeps asking and hes like ‘aiight aiight thats cool. It’s Denise isnt it.” So Im standing there putting my crap in the trunk of my car and Im wondering where the fuck he got Denise from and how old this asshole thinks I am to assume Im married or have a family. So I tell him no Denise isn’t my name and hes like ‘yeah thats it, its Denise.” then just drives off and says later Ma.

I was SO pissed. I fucking hate that shit. I hate being called Ma or cutie or baby or mami, I dont like getting hit on and I especially dont like being spoken to in an empty parking lot in Hartford at 10:30 at night! And then the moment I tell people that happened theyre like “You should be used to that by now…” u_u; whatevers.

Uh… yeah… everything else thats been going on I cant say. But anyhow I gotta get ready for work now. Finally. Oh! And I watched King Arthur last night and wow. Awesome fricken movie. And now, a video from MadTV.

[281] The cake isnt a lie :I

I really don’t remember where I left off… hrm. Well! Lots of crap been going on. Well not really but sort of.

Uh. new Years…Did I ever write about that? I dont think so. But Im gonna summarize everything!

Peter invited me to his house party. Lauren and Ed decided to come with. Theydidnt like it so within 5 minutes i was kinda forced to leave and go to Tisane with them and there we metup with Steve and his friends. His friends are cool, total nerds, we talked about WoW. Ed and Steve got along really well, which isn’t a surprise.

Not too long after, I found out Stee wants a relationship with me or something or other and I really dont want one. I just want ot hang out and be friends but that apparently isnt enough for him. Also the fact that I refusedto sleep with himbugged him too cuz hes a horny little bastard. It pissed me off cuz… I understand guys have their needs. Butif you haveany respect for me at all and yourself you wouldn’t tryto push me into itespecially after I explain why I dont want to and that its personal!

But anyways. He overreacted one morning and deleted my numberfrom his phone and his phone frmo mine and then walked out. Havent talked to him since.

Went out with Peter one afternoon. We went for lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and has a really good time. We then went back to my apartment ad proceeded to play Halo 2 and geometry Wars^2. I got owned in Halo 2 but it wasn’t a complete disaster. I didnt just get raped and end up having one kill and a million suicides like Iused to… I actuallywould get really close tohis score. A couple of times I got half his kills and then another time I was just a few under. So yeah!Way better thanI used to be. What I really enjoyed was that we just hung out. It wasn’t like a date.

He likes when I visit him at work from time to time, and he actually texts me randomly sometimes. The dayI went to court he actually texted me at like 9am wishing me good luck and all. So hes sweet. Sometime this week we’re gonna go to Manchester together and revisit all the places we grew up in in that town.

Ron called me out of nowherea couple nights ago. I met Ron in Aruba when I was 17 and we  hit it off really well. He was very sweet and a gentleman with me. He didn’t try anything sexual or anything but we still got really really close. Unfortunately, he was 21 and lied in NY and was in college and we were on two seperate paths so it couldnt work out back then. So now he wants to hang out and stuff and he misses me so that should be fun. Iknow he wont try anything with me either because he’s really respectful so Im looking forward to reconnecting withan old friend.

Oh! On the 9th I went to court for my speeding ticket andI was there for maybe 10 minutes and already they dropped the charges so its completely off my record. <3

I went out to dinner with Kyle last night. It was a little awkard. There are some things that went down that I’m not going to let go so easily. Uh… some things were said thatIm surprised to hear and Im actually not going to write about it in here. If I do it’ll be priate but just know that it actually isn’tsuch a bad thing. Its just a huge surprise.

Luis did call me this morning but it was completely  by accident. He called back to apollogize for waking me up at 6am with a phone call that wasnt even supposed to be for me. That was that. No big deal. At first I didnt even know it was him cuz I deleted his number quite some time ago.

Uh~~ I had Diego, Jen and Ryan over one night and David R. and his girlfriend (becky?) joined us. It was a lot of fun.I would love to do it again soon~ and now that I have my license back (it came back last tuesday!) I can actually go out and do stuff, which I have been and its great.

Ive been practicing guitar nad getting kinda better. Some things I’m stillunsure of… but Jenis helping. The rest is really up to me to figure out I guess… since unortunately jen isnt always available… for whatever reason.

Theres a crapload of stuff I could go into but I dont want to sit at thecomputer the entire time Im at my Dad’s house… so I’m leaving it at this! I have work tonight. Floorset. Hopefully it won’t run till 7am like last time…

I will leave you with… “Still Alive” from the game Portal, sung by the adorable little computer that tries to bribe you with… cake.

[280]

I have to do jury duty. Me of all fucking people?

These assholes can’t even get my license issue done right and they expect me to do jury duty? Get the fuck out of here