[311] Starbursts are fantastic <3

I’m so happy <3 I can legitimately say that now. I’m still rather low on money but that’ll work itself out soon. Just a little hard work and wiser decisions. So it’s not a big deal.

But everything else in my life is petty fantastic. I mean.. I’m getting a lot of hours at work, and I’m getting a second job. So a lot of my free time will be taken up which I’m perfectly fine with, I like being busy. My social life is just where I want it to be and now that my friends have finally joined me in the legal drinking age, it opens up many more possibilities~! and my dear love life is… fantastic.

Its been like what, 3 weeks since I last updated this thing? 2? I dunno. A lot has happened since then, so much so that I can’t really remember all of it but thats fine.

One night I went to NYC with Jon. That was cool. He took me to Central Park and it was fucking awesome, even though it was raining but whatever. I love NYC regardless of the weather. We tried to find the statue of Balto and Alice in Wonderland but… unfortunately we can’t read maps very well… so that went nowhere u_u; we ate at the Hard Rock Café and it was so cool! Bought a shirt too. we didnt get back to CT until maybe 4:30am so I slept over his apartment, and left the next day around 12 or 1.

Then… work work work… saw the Wolverine movie. I adore Gambit <3 and Ive fallen in love with Hugh Jackman. And, speaking of which, I think Ive got a thing for… older men. Cuz I would love to devour Hugh Jackman and Andy Samberg. Google em if you dunno em Oh! And Ryan Reynolds was in the movie too! THAT was a surprise, and I never realized how attractive he really is.

So apparently theyre making a movie on Deadpool, which is pretty cool too. But didnt he end up disfigured because of his regeneration/healing ability? Iuno. Don’t quite remember. Also, I think there should be a Gambit movie. Kyle agrees, but he doesnt think that the actor who played our dearest Remy (Taylor Kitsch) is a well enough actor to pull a movie where he’s the main feature.I happen to disagree and think they should give him a chance. I mean Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson did great and they were virtually unknown to some extent… but I do look forward to that <3

I hung out with Lauren Ed and Dano that same day that Kyle and I saw wolverine (L, D and E were there too). Dano and I rocked out on Rockband for a while. Also played CoD4. I didnt win but I only lost by a couple of kills each time, and Im surprised at how well I actually did in CoD4. 

Dano has BB guns, and seeing as I have a fascination with Guns now, and I know bbs arent the same thing, but we went out to the front yard and he let me shoot off a couple of his guns and it was just… so much fun… he invited me to a game hes having on Sunday but unfortunately I have to work so I cant go

Hmm. Just this friday, Lauren, Ed, Dano, Dustin, Kyle, Michael and I all went to see Star Trek! I didnt really want to go because I was never much of a trekky but I must say… I fucken loved that movie. After that, we went bowling! I did terrible, like out of the ordinary terrible but it was all good.

After that, I went to kyle’s and he told me that on saturday they were having family over for his sisters (Shelly) 21st birthday and to be wary of the fact that many relatives would be there. He knows I get rather skittish around parents but I decided to take a chance and brave the family the next morning. So I slept over and spent the entire day there even after Kyle left for work. It turns out his family is not only very welcoming but very nice and they seemed to like me very much especially his mother and his mom’s best friend Alicia. They insisted I eat, because theyve never even seen me eat a bite in the entire year that theyve known me. Theyre convinced I simply dont eat! 

I met Kyle’s brother. Hes a little cutie. Hes deaf and he has some other disabilities but I dont know what they are. Hes a sweetheart nonetheless.  I learned how to ’say’ my name in sign language too. They asked me what I liked to do, Kyle said I liked to draw, so they associated drawing and my name with that so its like.. the motion of drawing signifying my name and stuff. Its pretty cool. 

His sister was nice too, so was her best friend Jackie and Shelly’s boyfriend Pete. He just recently bought an xbox and CoD:WaW. Once he found out that I play CoD, we started talking about it and everything. It was really cool. We played Zombies together and it turns out hes incredibly good. He added Kyle and I ton XBL. He plays mostly during the day though so hopefully we can play together at some point.

Kyle left for work around 3:40 and I stuck around till 8pm~ was nice. I love being there. Oh! oh oh oh. His Mom came up to me, we talked a lot actually today, and she came to me at one point and shes like “You wanna know what Kyle told me when he first met you?” so Im like.. all shy about it and fearing for my life. But she was all smiles and told me that he told her I was the perfect girl, that Im his other half and that we have a lot in common… and that Im great in bed. SOOOO… when she says that, I start blushing and when she mentions the sex Im like as red as my complexion could possibly get. u_u; but she said its a good thing and that kyle tells her everything so. not to be surprised. lol.

Havent talked to Luis much. I mean last week he IMed me 5 days in a row right after I got off of work. The second my away message came down on aim he was IMing me saying welcome home and Im like… he fucken stalking me now? So stupid. And then hed s tart talking and Im just like… I dont care… and he clearly doesnt care what I have to say. So if he doesnt care and I dont care, where do we get? Nowhere. But he hasnt IMed me in like 3 days and Im perfectly fine with that.

And Ive changed! Ive stopped thinking about all the negativeness in my life. Im not wondering why Im being used or lied to or played and that stuff only happened when Luis was in my life. I mean when I finally stopped to think about it… I’m the only girlfriend Luis has ever had, that has been faithful to him. And if THAT isn’t good enough for him on top of everything else Ive done for him… then why do I bother? Exactly. I shouldn’t. So, I don’t care if he’s sleeping with a 15 year old girl and lying to half the world about it. I don’t care if he ends up with a gf. As long as he’s out of my life, doing his own thing and pays my mother back… I’m all set.

Besides. I have my baby, and I love him to death <3 I’m definitely in love with him and I cant believe he’s put up with my crap for this long… but it can only get better.

Lets see.. tomorrow I have work.  Another floorset u_u; Oh!

I forgot. Everett slept over sometime last week. It was like a saturday or something. He needed a place to stay and didn’t want to sleep at his parents. He lives in Boston so yeah. He slept over and told me that he broke up with his gf. Whom, may I remind you, was also underage (16 {what is it with guys I know and dating girls that aren’t even of legal age? Is pre-pubescent really that attractive?}). Im not sure why he decided to tell me, and then this was when he wanted to hang out with me and go to dinner with me. I dunno. It was weird. I figured he wanted something ‘else’ with me. But whatever.

But yeah o_o; uhm. iuno what else to talk about. But Lauren, Kyle, Dano and I all got summer bowling passes at the bowling alley so… that means lots of bowling this summer~! <3 I suck but hopefully Ill get better this summer. 

Hm.. yeah.. babbling now… sooo Im out!

[292] Even a little pain is precious…

OLIVIA – A Little Pain

Lyrics below.

[288] Time to realize youre worthwhile

Blaaaaah I’m rather tired, I actually don’t want to update this but since I said I was going to…

I dont wanna go into too much detail about certain events about last night cuz its really not my place to say much of it. But it involves Everett and it actually bugs the hell out of me so much. He does have a girlfriend now but that actuallY i don’t care about. I care about who it is and everything, and then what he had the nerve to say to me after he told me he had a girlfriend which was “I dont know why we didn’t work out. We were extremely close.” thats the short version. Thats just a wtf statement.

After that (theres a hell of a lot more to it but I dont feel like going into what specifically went down. Just know it involved a bowling alley, waiting for an hour and a half, and then promptly leaving once things started actually happening Was nice to see some people though. I miss some of em.). I was going to head over a girlfriends house just to talk and vent about everything thats been bugging me. Everett was one thing, but that was just from that night… most of the things I wanted to talk about were things that were piling up overtime, and pretty much plaguing me and then like… decisions Ive been making and crap. But that went shitty and I changed my mind due to more things I’m not allowed to talk about.

After that I went over Kyle’s house. By this time it was like 3am and he was just getting off of work. I needed the company and I figured… if I cant get love from Everett or someone else…. why not Kyle? I mean he already says he loves me, and hes wanted to spend time with me for a while now…

When I got there I was rather shy and he seemed distant, but he was actually just being respectful. he wasn’t sure what I wanted or what I was expecting so he just took it slow. It was nice though. No expectations, no strings attached… And things happened that I actually wasn’t counting on. Its been about 3 months now and I actually was intimate with Kyle again and I loved it. It was nice engaging in that sort of activity with someone that genuinely cares about and loves you… its about time… 4 times…. and quite a few times he told me he loved me. We talked a lot too about everything and  a lot of things became clear… he lves me, and he sees things in me that I want Luis to see, and he also sees what Luis has seen and regardless he loves me! Its unconditional love, and its everything i’ve ever wanted. I dont have to do anything differently,  dont have to bow down to him and do everything he says, I dont have to fight for his attention and I never feel neglected… its just so surprising to me. I’m not sure why. And when I think about how Kyle loves me and compare to how.. Luis ‘loved’ me, which Im beginning to think he never even did and never will, it just… it blows Luis out of the water. Its pretty much like Kyle is the man of my dreams, the one I should spend my time with and Luis is just a distant nightmarish mistake.

I’m hoping that in time… I’ll fall in love with Kyle. I mean really… its stupid not to. Of course it’ll take time, but I’m sure I’ll get there eventually and I know he’ll still be there for me.

So yeah… I didnt get to bed till like 6:30 and this morning around 12 Kyle and I fooled around again, right before he had to go to work. After that I went to my Dad’s house and picked up my mail~ I bought Cooking Mama: World Kitchen I’m so excited to play it. I got some other junk too, tax stuff and another jury duty letter rescheduling it to september~ Mom showed up about an hour after I got there and like the entire time she was on the phone and whatever friends it is that she dragged along with her to the house kept talking to me.. and they only speak spanish so I couldnt even really talk back to them or have a full conversation… yeaaaah….

Then I got home, finally did some damn dishes and then went to work. I have yet to eat in the passed two days. Kinda lazy. I want a fricken burger. But again, too lazy.

But yeah! I went into work at 4:30 today and I just got out at 1:110am. Floorset. With just me and Jackie, we had to do eeeeverything. And Im exhausted. We got everything done though, so thats great. And I got some hours in too so yay money!  I was gonna go to Kyle’s again tonight… but Im too tired and I need gas and I dont feel like leaving the apartment again. Though I would liek to sleep next to him again… I always sleep so goddamn well next to him. its weird.

But anyway~ yeaaaaah. That is all. u_u

All you need is love…

Elton John – Your Song

It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside
I’m not one of those who can easily hide
I don’t have much money but boy if I did
I’d buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one’s for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it’s done
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they’ve got me quite cross
But the sun’s been quite kind while I wrote this song
It’s for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it’s done
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

Moulin Rouge – Elephant Love Medley (lyrics bleow)

[164] Don’t pretend that it’s over

The passed few nights…. eh, couple actually, I’ve been with Ryan.

Saturday he invited me over to chill just me and him for a while. We watched a movie (Strange Wilderness or something… iuno, it was weird as hell) and ate some Sushi together that I brought form work. We talked for a bit too and I noticed… he doesn’t make a lot of eye contact with me when he talks. I think he gets shy… cute.

After that, Kevin called him and invited us over his house so we went there and chilled for a bit. Vinnie had brought his little cousin… forgot his name… and I felt sooo bad cuz his little cousin was only 16 and completely shitfaced… by the time Ryan and I were leaving, he was puking in a garbage bag filled with empty cans of beer… poor kid was corrupted heh.

Everyone kept commenting on how quiet Ryan was. I felt as though it were my fault, maybe when I’m around he’s more reserved? I’m not sure, but it’s kind of cute. I just hope he can be himself around me when he’s with his friends and stuff.

When we got to his place we watched some Beavis and Butthead and Robot Chicken. We took a few shots of Jim bean Whiskey and got a little buzz… we even did our Tarot reading and stuff it was pretty cool. He got a lot of the Cups cards… I got a mix but it pretty much said the same thing for the both of us… that we were going to encounter a new relationship and stuff. I twas kinda weird.

We started getting tired after that so we went to bed and cuddled and stuff. We made out a bit but it didn’t get too heavy… he cuddled me all night though… it was nice.

This morning we woke up at 9 and we both didn’t know why because we ended up going to bed at 4am… like really, why would you wake up at 9? But we laid in bed until 11:30 or so. I was in my underwear and he told me I should just prance around the house like that all day. Made me feel… iuno, that he did find me attractive. At first it didn’t seem like it because he wasn’t really… coming on to me in any way… but he’s just.. a gentleman. I played with his cat, King george too! It was great, I think his cat likes me now~

I had a dream that night too about Ryan and Luis… I was living in an apartment with Ryan in the city and we were dating. Luis and i were working in the same place too. I was avoiding him as much as I could and at one point I was with Ryan and we were either on a balcony or a roof top hugging and kissing and my phone rang… and it was Luis asking me if I was dating Ryan. I said yes and he flipped out and asked why and that he wanted to be with me and stuff. I remember telling him it was too late and I hung up…

After that I had woken up. It was really weird… and it bugged the hell out of me all day. But anyways, Ryan and I lazed around all day. Around 11:30 we got up and went to the grocery store and bought some eggs and stuff cuz we were hungry. I got myself a lunchables~! hehe so we got back, ate and played SUper Mario Bros. All Stars for a good hour or so. We started getting tired after that so we took a nap until around 3… I had some weird dreams too about Ryan. He was scrounging around for a cigarette hehe. He has a problem~~~~ he smokes a lot and he’s pretty much addicted to it and I worry… mostly because he does in fact have asthma and I dun want him havin any problems o_o;; maybe I can help him a bit… only if he wants it though.

We laid in bed until around 6… things started getting heated. We were flirting and making out a lot and eventually the heavy petting began and stuff… I didn’t think we’d actually have sex or anything because of what he had told me last week about not knowing me and stuff so I gently pushed him away and called him a jerk because of it… he laughed and said “I didn’t know you then.” which I guess implies that he knows me better now and wouldn’t mind… and dear god I wanted to sooo badly but I started thinking… that if he gets it just like that… would he still want to see me and hang out or would he just hit it and go?… And then I considered the fact that… I’ve slept with guys and afterwards I don’t want a relationship. I got what I wanted, pretty much, and don’t need to be in a relationship with him to get it I guess. So… I didn’t want to ruin anything because I’m actually really starting to like this guy so I just settled for a shitload of kissing and touching and…. I swear he’s got a huge penis. lol. But anyways! I got up and got dressed and stuff… well actually, I just buttoned up my pants and we cuddled. I laid on top of him and tickled him and stuff and at one point I sat up and he was really close to me.. he kissed my neck and when he pulled away and I fixed my shirt. He looked at me and really bluntly said “Wow you’re hot.” haha… it was so embarrassing! I started blushing like crazy… it was cute~ lol

Pat and Stephanie came by soon after and we moved some thing around in the apartment and just chilled. Luis called me and pretty much begged me to hang out… he called me twice in 15 minutes asking to hang out and I told him I’d give him a call or something if I decided we could hang out. So after an hour or so I left Ryan’s and told him I would be back and I went to see Luis. I wasn’t going to stay long and I made that clear too him. Basically the whole time I was telling Luis to move on and leave me alone because I can’t live like this anymore and since he wont end the cycle, I will.

He asked me if I was going to date Ryan, if I loved anybody besides him in the passed 10 months, why I hate Jessica so much and this and that… I wouldn’t even look at him though… but I answered his questions regardless. He didn’t seem to care much though… that or he just ignored it all. He basically told me he wanted to have his cake and eat it too and that nobody else should have me… and I told him he wasn’t going to have me anymore because it’s fucked up and it’s not fair to me… but he insisted on still seeing me and tuff. He said no other girl has qualities that I do and that only I make him feel a certain way that he loves to feel, and that he wants to be with me but doesn’t want to be with anybody… and he loves being with me and hanging out and stuff… But that’s not going to fly with me… not anymore. Enough with this cycle, this game… stop yo-yo-ing back and forth between being with me and not being with me… at this point in time, i don’t even care if he decides to be with me. Just make a decision and stick to it…

I was with him longer than I wanted to be and when I was about to leave he asked me to leave Ryan’s and hang out with him… and if not, that when I left Ryan’s to hang out with him. I told him no but apparently he still decided to chill at the Tunxis parking lot across from my house and wait for me. I know this because I called him.

I’m not sure why I did. But I felt shitty after seeing him. I just wanted to see Ryan again and forget him… when I got back to Ryan’s everyone was watching a movie (Better Luck Tomorrow or something). I remember I had asked Ryan earlier if he was into PDA (Public Displays of Affection) and he pretty much feels the same way I do about it… no making out hardcore or anything but holding hands and a kiss on the cheek or something is fine… so when I sat down next to him he kissed my cheek and with a smile said “How’s that for pda?” it was kinda funny/cute… then after that he patted his chest, basically telling me to lay down and I did and he pet me and played with my hair for the rest of the movie.. he started getting tired though and once everyone left I told him to go to bed and I went home. I wish I could’ve spent the night again… but I figured if he got too much of me, he might get sick of me. I also figured he didn’t want me to since I spent Saturday night and all of Sunday with him… he needs to do his own thing heh.

[152] Yeah cuz Im not sad or anything

…My mom is now donating $100 a month to the ASPCA and she constantly tells me she doesnt have money to spend… and she won’t even buy me ONE t-shirt that costs maybe $18 -_- I know it’s for a good cause but I wish she’d come up with better excuses/lies. ..

I have been severely bored all fricken day. Mike told me he’d make it up to me today for crewing me over last night but he has to study… which is surprising because I don’t recall him going ot any classes for as long as I haven’t been going… but whatever.

I was hoping to see Luis after he got off work but I’m sure he got enough of me last night, and honestly after all the things he decided to be honest about… I’m sure it’s a wise decision to not see me tonight because I’m pretty sure I’m just going to get emotional.

I told him I wasn’t emotionally attached to him, which is why we were able to sleep together last night… he said that was good and when he said that… I was like “Wow, he really just wants to sleep with me.” so like… it was just one hurtful thing after another and the thing is he didn’t even mean to be hurtful. He was being honest! I guess the truth is that he’s really just done with me… I want to ask but that will just push him away further and faster and I really don’t want to learn the truth in it’s entirety… It’s like I’m happy just being left in the dark…

This morning though when Luis and I just laid in bed together kinda cuddling… I thought back to when we were still dating. I was kind of wishing that this whole… ‘break’ thing was just a dream and that I had woken up to next to the love of my life again… that all the mistakes I’ve been making for the passed 9 months were all just a horrible nightmare… but unfortunately it’s not. I’ve slept with 6 people so far, I haven’t dated anyone I drink all the time I’ve started smoking cloves (which are possibly worse than cigarettes because they last twice as long and make your lungs bleed) and I’ve smoked pot quite a few times. I’ve made out with a lot of people, LOTS of girls and one of them ended up liking me and I almost ended up actually sleeping with her. I’ve almost wound up in about 3 orgies and 4 threesomes… I’m not really happy about it. I’m actually ashamed. I mean I have fun but… at what expense? I’m risking my health and making the one guy in my life I actually saw myself being with for the rest of my life…

I hate that I can’t let the past go. I don’t like the fact that I just can’t forgive him and I don’t like that I know he’s not going to change… I really wish he would realize what needs to be done and changed and that he would make up his mind… and actually love me again.

I want to be with someone, and at the same time I don’t. I really can’t see myself being with anyone except for either Luis or Everett. And like the pathetic little loser that I am, I’m still waiting for those two to possibly come around… but I know neither one will.

I really don’t even know why I’m waiting for Everett of all people! I know he’s not going to commit to anyone… but I kinda wish I took him up on that offer of being friends with benefits… but I told him that I’d just end up getting hurt and he understands that… but still… we’re actually kinda cool now and whenever we talk I find myself just… getting lost in his eyes and listening to him so closely. I feel so weird around him and when he talks… hes giving me attention and I just love it. He knows I’m still into him… I told him. I’m not sure when I told him or how but I know I did. How he takes that I have no idea…

Ugh, I’ve bee so unhappy the passed couple weeks.  I know I’ll get out of it soon, at least I hope. I just don’t really know how to at the moment and it’s really bugging me. 

Today has just been a huge waste of life. I wanted to go out and do something but everyone was busy… Jen with Joe (or so I heard), Mike was studying and from what I see on everyone’s facebook status updates, they’re all studying… I feel like a huge failure.

This is SUCH an emo post! God I don’t want to continue this entry at all… enough angst from me… =_= I suck.

[127] A war of Logic and Emotion

I remember a conversation I had with Lauren the other day at Starbucks and unfortunately it made me think: When Luis and I see each other, it starts out pretty good and we talk just fine. In the past, I’m usually really defensive and bitchy to him and show that I don’t feel comfortable being around him and that’s because at that time I was still very emotional about our ’situation’. As our conversation progresses, we always have some sort of argument where one of us ends up really upset and crying. After that is delt with, although our arguments never really have a conclusion, our conversation steers back to good things and we talk just fine.

Lauren experiences the same thing and she said “Because that hapens, I feel like we’re really meant to be.” and it got me thinking… unfortunately for me. If you can start off with a good conversation, and it gets rocky in the middle and then ends up good again… you two must have some sort of connection and understanding… and I HATE that. Because now it’s like… ‘Hey who knows, maybe he will come back.’ but I can’t be thinking that because then I’ll be in the same situation as before! Honestly, I have no idea how I feel about Luis. It made me happy that we actually kind of got along the other night, and I’ve said before that I wish we could be friends and maybe now we can be. But at the same time, there’s so much history, so much bullshit, that it’s like… I can’t possibly just let all of that go. Granted, I’ve matured a lot, and I don’t cry randomly now and I don’t get super depressed or anything. I’m okay! But there are just some things you can’t forget.

I have thought about Luis asking me out though and what my response would be. And I don’t haev an answer for myself! If he were to ask me, I have no idea what I would say… Like i said, we have so much history. We’ve known and cared for each other since my Sophomore year in High School. We spent an entire year together and despite the fights it as great because I had the person I knew I loved with all my heart. I had waited 3 years for him to come back to me then and when he finally called me to see me that one day over the summer… it was a dream come true… but our relationship failed really badly and he says its only because we’re both so stubborn… when it’s obviously so much more than that.

But all the fights, all the issues, the lying, the lost trust…. and so much more. And then how it all ended! You can’t just forget that… I told him that if he were to date anyone else after he told me he wouldn’t and didn’t want to, that I would not come back to him and he doesn’t seem to believe me still. I told him he’d fuck it up completely. And he DID mess up first. I knew he was dating her, I wasn’t stupid. He just lied to me about it for about 4 months and then I found out on my own. He also lied to me about sleeping with her and didn’t come clean about that till 5 months after. I know I slept with a number of people, but keep in mind, he had ruined everything before I even found the need to throw myself at any guy to feel some sort of false connection.

If Luis were to ask me out… the only way I think I could say yes… is if he actually tried to get me back. And I don’t mean by just asking me out, I mean he’d have to ‘win’ me back. I’m not running to him again… this time, instead of me working my ass off to get him to finally be with me and just me, he’s gonna have to do it. But the thing with that is… I know he’d never do that.

And then there’s Everett. I fucken wish he’d do the same. Like really, I cannot possibly explain how I feel about this kid. When it’s just me and him and we’re getting along and everything, I swear the world could be exploding or something ridiculous like that and I wouldn’t care because I’m with Everett. But he’ll never understand and I know he dosn’t like me as much as I feel for him and right now I think the only thing that’s keeping him from being with me is the fact that he’s not used to being in a relationship. He really is just so used to having that freedom to flirt and fuck whoever he wants and to just be with one person after being with many for so long, I imagine that’s kind of a hard habit to break. And of course, for us girls it’s hard to understand that. We’re girls. Any self respecting girl would be like ‘That’s not right. If he has ah eart he’ll only want to be with one person.” the fact of the matter, ladies, is that guys aren’t as quick to want a long ass fucking relationship with just one person. Not many guys are like that, anyways. And at such a young age (Everett is 22 and I’m 20) getting married and being with one person for the rest of your life isn’t really what’s on our mind, and shouldn’t be on our mind.

As great as I think Everett is, I’m not sure about what I should do. I don’t really want to wait and unfortunately I have that horrible sense of hope that he’ll decide one day soon that he’ll want to be with me and just me because Im a stupid girl. My brain and Heart are at war right now and I hate it. rawr…

When guys get their own Tags in blogs, it’s never a good thing.