[314] So eventful, what a change!

Waaaah~ the passed 4 days have been so fun.

Before that I dont have much to update on. I’ve simply just been working every day is all. Work and hang out’s have kind of intertwined themselves, if that makes.. any sense… Does it?… No it doesn’t. But anyways.

I have so many days off of work, which actually really sucks.. I was working everyday for the passed 3 weeks, and although I hated being in the back room processing 8 boxes of shipment everyday (we would get about 30 boxes delivered to us every couple of days… how much does THAT suck?)… it was nice having something to do during the day! And now that all the shipment is mostly done… my hours have gone down again… I gotta get some damn credit to get more hours…

So! After work was sad and done, I started hanging out with Pablo and his friends Oscar and Erika (this is all thanks to Luis and I am grateful for that). They’ve come over like every night so far (just 4 days) and its been great every time. I remember Erika. We had a class together back in HS. Oscar looked familiar to me but Pablo says that he came to FHS during HIS senior year so… I definitely dont know him. And of course I met Pablo my Junior year. 

Its weird having people over, especially as often as I have recently… I don’t mind it… but at the same time its kind of awkward. I’ll just have to get used to it though because apparently they like hanging out with me, and vice versa! And of course there has been drama, as we all know, letting Luis into my life always comes with its own wonderful little presents and it comes in a fun filled box of chaos and drama <3!

I dont feel like going too much into it. To put it simply; he never changes. But Im trying to get passed it cuz I don’t want to divide him and his friends or take them away from him (even though I met 2 of them before him hehe >_> jk jk ). So… yeah.

Pablo has slept over 3 times. He was willing to watch Twilight with me, and did I mention he’s from Argentina so he speaks spanish? Oh and that hes Korean? No? Well, he is. Its really weird cuz like you see this tall korean kid (hot too, lets not forget that.) and youre expecting him to know english and korean but then.. he busts out the spanish and god help if if youre talking shit in spanish and hes around cuz he’ll understand it. And… I dunno. I never enjoyed the spanish language… I grew up with it, its not a big deal to me and I feel its extremely vulgar cuz.. I’m (1/2) puerto rican and we’re not very prim and proper. We’re loud ass, inconsiderate beings so.. I dont like it. But Pablo… oh Pablo. His dialect is completely different, and hearing him speak in spanish is fucking… ugh. So sexy. it sounds so beautiful coming from him.

And whats even more awesome, is that he does know some Korean and he sees me and I weird him out cuz I know an itty bitty bit of korean (random words!) and I know about k-pop and korean food and terms for people like oumma and oppa and stuff. So we weird each other out but at the same time we like that about each other. That and he says we’re a lot alike. 

Havent hung out with anyone else besides these three people. jen is in Florida and I miss her to death u_u but shes coming back on tuesday (midnight)! So Im excited. I wonder if she actually did get me a present like I asked her to >_> lol I asked her to bring me like a little $3 stuffed animal or something itty bitty.

Ohoh… Pablo apparently is going camping this weekend and he invited me. Hes not sure whos gonna go yet, cuz its not a concrete plan yet but that sounds pretty awesome. The only qualm I have with it is that its hot outside… and I cant sleep in the heat… but neither can Pablo. I wonder how this will work out~ 

Omg Ive spent so much money on booze! Ive gone to the packy 4 times this week. Its terrible. And Im so poor… well I’m not really.. Mom gave me some money, and I got paid yesterday so I’ve got about $700 in the bank at the moment but when I found out that I had over drafted AGAIN, I got so mad and just destroyed my debit card so I couldn’t used it anymore… but… I kinda shot myself in the foot by doing that because I cant get money out of the bank now… cuz my checks are all direct deposit… so in order to get money I need to either get another card, or go to the bank every tie and withdraw. Im just gonna get another card but not a debit card… just an ATM card. Keep my shit in track.

…I forgot what I was gonna… write about… crap! u_u

I have to mop, AGAIN! Why? Because these drunk assholes (jk lol) spill shit on my floor at least 4 times a night and it gets sticky! >_< DId I mention that one of the nights everyone came over, we actually hung out ont he roof for about 10 minutes? The roof is usually locked, but… coincidentally, that night it wasnt. So we climbed up there and it was rather fucken scary cuz pablo, Luis and I are deathly afraid of heights. Oscar claims hes afraid of heights but that asshole has gone sky diving so I call bs lol But it was really nice being there. But then last night they went up again, came back down, and when they wanted to go back up it was locked I think. Which is crazy and Im wondering when that happened… and who found out and how… u_u its so fun being on the roof! besides the whole, possible falling to your death.

I dunno what else to talk about and I have to clean again. mrah!

[310] This candy got you sprung

Okay! I have work at 5 and I gotta be outta here by 4:30. It’s just a floorset so its not like I have to dress nice for work tonight but still u_u shower and what not.

But anyways! 

This weekend has been pretty awesome <3 though Im not huge on this heat… especially at night. I’m more of a mid 70s not fricken 80s. Im rambling…

Friday I went to the bar with Lauren, Edward and Kyle. He has just gotten off work and there was this thing one of his friends that works there was doing $20 for all you can eat wings and beer. Pretty awesome. But we didnt do that. We just sat at the bar and watched the Yanks vs Sox game. Had some wings, some beer, and lots of drinks u_u couple shots too <3 I was pretty much drinking on an empty stomach. I mean I had wings but I split them with Lauren so it wasnt much. After that, whiskey sours, martinis, shots, amaretto sours… did I mention beer? Played some pool too. I’m really bad at it but Kyle thinks Im getting better apparently. *shrugs* I didnt see it.

Kyle was pretty drink when we got there. Well.. more like buzzin…hed been drinking since 7 and the rest of us got there at 9ish. I’m not big on PDA at all, I hate it in fact bu that night I couldn’t help it. I was really ‘affectionate” with Kyle so we kissed and whatever every once in a while. Just  a quick one. And across the bar there was this one girl that kept glaring at me hardcore! Im like what the hell is her problem! And thankfully I wasnt just akin shit up. Lauren and Ed saw it too. So I tell Kyle and he looks over and hes like “Oh, thats Shannon. She works here.” so apparently, if shes glaring that bad at me, she must like Kyle, and he did confirm that some of the girls there did have an interest in him but he doesnt really notice much. I thought it was kinda funny.

We were there until like… 1 actually. Long time. Lauren and Edward left before us. We were there till last call lol after that I drove us home. The entire time though I was texting Jon. I was supposed to go to Uconn with him that day but I didnt know that I had already promised to hang out with Lauren u_u; so I couldnt go. he ended up not going too. Instead he went to a party in Waterbury. he invited me to it but there was no way in hell I was driving that far… even though he was 10 minutes away. He was so worried about me! Jon is such a sweetheart. He offered to pick me up and take me wherever I wanted to go~ 

So went over Kyles and right away like. We did our thing. By 300am we were completely spent and its the earliest we’ve ever gone to bed. Hell of a fantastic night though.

Next day, Saturday, Kyle and I sleep in as much as possible but he has work at 7 and needs to do some things. And since I drove, he doesnt have his car so I had to get up too u_u so we went to the bank, went ot game crazy and bought a few games. I have Modern Warfare 2 on pre-order <3 Kyle bought Dead Space Last Remnant, a new controller and a charger for them. I bought Infinite Undiscovery~ we’re gonna switch once we finish em.

Theennn we went and got some BK, and sat in Ritas parking lot eating till we were done and then got some ice cream! Strawberry Custard with Watermelon italian Ice He got a misto with like.. vanilla, mango and blueberry whatever. And the crazy thing about it was that inside the italian ice.. were chunks of fruit to the corresponding flavor. So I had watermelon and he had blueberries in his. Pretty awesome.

After that we hung out in his bedroom for a bit. He played Dead Space.. its the fucking freakiest game I’ve seen so far O_o; well not really I dont think but it was really scary u_u;; I cant really explain it. Just weird monster human things popping out of vents and the only way to kill them is to dismember them Shooting them in the head… doesnt work.

He had to go to work, so I departed. I was supposed to hang out with Jon that night too but he got off of work at 9:30 and by then it was just kinda late to get together and do anything and Jen had work the next morning mad early so we just chilled on xbox playing our own individual little games lol I was on xbox till like… 3:30am just talking to people. after that I went to Kyle’s again.

And that brings me to today! He had work at 12, I went to my Dad’s house and visited for a bit. Came home, ate and now I have to get ready for work at 5 u_u another floorset.

Ugh Im boiling! I gotta set up my ac asap.

Oh and the title is from a song i heard on the radio while I was at Rita’s with Kyle. Its Flo Rida – Sugar featuring some chick whos name I cant remember. Google it.

[220] Let me breathe

The passed few days have been kind of eventful, for a change. I dont quite remember when everything took place cuz Ive been lazy but whatever.

On Wednesday it was a bad day. Not horrible, but it wasn’t that great. My parents got into another one of their ridiculous argument about my Mom’s phone bill and how this one phone number keeps showing up and that it’s my moms boyfriend or whatever. I keep telling my Dad to just let it go because its not going to change and that she can talk to whoever she wants to because they haven’t been together, but he doesn’t seem to understand that. Or he just doesn’t care. I dunno.

Then Luis IMed me pretty much begging me to help him out with his financial issue. At first he didn’t really tell me what he wanted, other than my help and I thought he was asking for money. But he wants a job with my family again and he said that the only reason he’s coming to me is because me and my family have helped him out before. Every time he’s had trouble, we have helped him out. Mom let him borrow $200, gave him a job paying him $18 an hour, she paid for the vet bills for Nexi and I was working at Fuji’s at 11 hours a week, all my money went right to Luis. Whatever it is that he needed I got it for him. So of course, he comes to me again when he needs more help.

I didn’t really understand, and I didnt think it was fair. I told him not to talk to me, and here he is asking me for help. He has a girlfriend, and he loves her right? So if they love each other so much, why can’t she help him? It’s not my job anymore to take care of him. And it’s not fair that hes roping me in like that, and after everything he’s done to me… wtf

But of course, I caved and told him I’d see what I could do. he told me to keep him informed and honestly I don’t want to. I dont see why he feels the need to talk to me. Theres no point. He knows I dont want him in my life, I dont want to be apart of anything that involves him. It’s bad enough that I still have random thoughts of him. NONE of them are happy things. It’s just m hearing all the awful things he’s said to me and all the lies he’s told me. I’m not over that still. And how long it’s been, and how long we could have been together had he not left me for someone else… it’s a constant reminder. Tomorrow would be our 2 year anniversary…

After that I was just so upset. I was on the verge of crying and decided to just run away from it and asked Kyle to go to the mall with me so I could get some applications. But in the middle of all that Lauren had also IMed me to let me know that I got the job at Victoria’s Secret, which is pretty awesome. I just don’t know what I start. So by then going to the mall was pointless… but I attempted to buy some clothes. it was a little awkward at first hanging out with Kyle considering the night before I refused to come over and told him why (hed ignore me and play Warhammer all night). It was decent at firs though. We went into Forever 21 and he had me try on a red dress. He loved it apparently. I however was on the fence about it. I’m not one to wear dresses much less… a RED one. Where would I wear such a thing?

I ended up not buying anything and it was then that kyle realized that I am by no means, an impulse buyer. I have $1k in my account and here I am not buying anything, regardless of how much I want it. Afterwards we went to Borders and I bought a couple books on making plushies and such. I’m working on one right now actually. It’s a cupcake Im stuck on making french knots though…

After Borders I dropped Kyle off at his house cuz he had a 10 page paper to write. I was going to Everett’s anyways so I didnt care much. It was a really fun night at Everett’s. Thee were some guy there that I didn’t know, one named Dawson and the other was… Chris who was a little obnoxious and I apparently blew his mind simply because I’m a hot girl that plays an immense amount of video games and am awesome at them. We played Soul Calibur 2 and Everett and I rocked everyone repeatedly. However when it came down to Me vs Everett, it always got soooo very close but he would win. But it’s alright, they still think I’m awesome. I ended up staying there until like…3am. Everett wanted me to sleep over but I went home. Kyle was texting me from like..2-4am in hopes of getting me to come over. It was rather annoying. Here I am trying to have fun, I’m out with my friends for the first time in a long time and he’s trying to take me away from it cuz he’s all of a sudden lonely, even though I come over as often as I can and all he does is sit there playing a game. So yeah. Didnt go to his place afterwards. I went straight to bed I think.

Thursday… I went to dinner with Sean. We had sushi and he paid for everything. Was fun, a little awkward at first but it was fun. I’m not used to just going to dinner casually with one other person.

After that I went home.. and Chrissy called me around 11 asking me to come over and have some drinks. I had nothing better to do and I was damn sure Kyle wasn’t going to talk so I went. We ended up heading to Cedar and going to Paul’s apartment and hanging out thee. There was a gigantic group of people outside another apartment building, I forgot the name of it. We were watching them form outside in hopes that the cops would come and we’d see a sea of people scattering and surely enough we did. It was rather hilarious and the entire time we’re yelling obscenities down at them.

Not long after I drove Chrissy and Joanne home. I didnt feel like sticking around too long.

Yesterday I went to work and it was incredibly busy, but it’s okay. Stacey and I welcomed it. after work I went to wal*Mart and bought some white t-shirts and sharpie’s for the graffiti party at Ev + Mike’s that night. I had a fun night, I drank a bit for the first time in a very long time. I was there until 3am again. Everett Jan and Matt…and Mike had smoked A LOT. By that time, Jan and Everett were passed out on the couch and Mike and Matt for some strange reason were still playing beer pong. Earlier around 1:30 we ventured out to mcdonalds. After eating mcdonalds… we wanted to go again >_>;; we didn’t though.

After that I didnt really want to sleep alone. Everett was already passed out on the couch. So I decided to go to Kyle’s. I just wanted to sleep though really. Kyle clearly did not. Never does. Sex is always involved. *sigh*

I left his house this morning around….10ish and Ive been up ever since and I’m so tired. We didt get to bed until at least 5 and his alarm was going off since 9 which is so fucking aggravating. Why would you set an alarm to go off an hour before you’re actually going to leave and then put it on snooze and have it ring like every 20 goddamn minutes? Annoying as fuck. So yeah. I left, watched some tv. Tried to nap and that failed, so I started working on the cupcake thing. I was going to play WoW but…eh. My subscription runs out on the 29th. Woo hoo, His and Jessica’s 1 month anniversary! Least it was last year. Now its a year and 1 month. Yay them! Congratulations douchebag.

Ugh I need to get out of here.

[214] i can feel the pressure — we’re better of without you

Theres so much I have to update on but I really dont want to… I guess I can kind summarize it and make it as quick as possible.

Uhm. Dont remember what day it was, Tuesday maybe I dont know. I went to waturbury to get my car but it didnt work. That morning I had texted Luis to help me. i didnt want him to but I lost my nerve once the time came to get it. I didnt want to see him I didnt want him in my car, I didnt want to hear his voice. But yeah we went down there and ont he way there he said he needed to talk to me and he wishes he could tell me so I can understand. I said to him then “Why is it imperative that I know? Its not going to change anything if I somehow manage to understand so whats the point of telling me?” he said Jessica was worried about me and this I didnt really understand at all. He also told me that shes afraid of what we might be doing together but shes okay with us talking. He also told me that when he told me that he didnt know if he was going to come back that Jessica told him that was the wrong answer. At that time I had also told him that I had a couple theories of what it was he wanted to say to me and I told him that I wasnt going to be friends with Jessica because I cant and that I wasnt going to take care of Merlot. The last thing I thought he wanted to talk to me about I didnt bother to mention which is… I think hes just going to tell me he still has feelings for me or something stupid like that. At the same time I dont think hes going to say that to me. He also said that its hard to say anything to me cuz I’ll tell jessica and he attempted to make me promise I wouldn’t tell anybody anything he said to me.  Stupid.

For that time he left it at that. We ended up not getting the car that day so it was a huge waste of time which I dont want to get into. On the way back  he said not to take offense to what he wa about to say and I told him straight up 
After what youve said and done to me for the past year, what MORE could you possibly say or do that could hurt me?” he laughed/scoffed and said “No matter what happens between us youre always going to be there, arent you?” and without even thinking I said “Of course.”  But the truth is, I have no idea. Its a definite No but at the same time sometimes I just cant help myself and I cant turn him away, not because I have feelings for him but simply because… I’m not that cruel and I never have been. So I really dont know, but there always comes a time/point where you just cant take it anymore and youre done.

After I answered that question he laughed and said he didnt want to say the rest of what he was going to say and I told him I didn’t care cuz it doesnt make a difference and I dont need to know. So although my curiosity was eating away at me I had enough willpower to just not care about anything he had to say. He then proceeded to say that he wants to talk to me about that ‘important’ thing but that it wasnt the right time yet.

Another weird thing was that he had asked me if I had a bf and if I was seeing anyone and I said yeah and he asked who so I told him it was Ryan (though this isnt entirely true) and he said “Why cant you just go for someone like me?” and I just glared at him. He then said “Its the one that lives up the street right? I figured it was him since youre car is never home in the morning.” and Im like WHAT THE FUCK? Either he’s stalking me in some way or he was just tricking me into answering whatever it is he wanted to know but didnt directly ask me.

So i dropped him off and I was so happy. He wanted a hug and I refused it and he said I owe him for him ‘helping’ me but I brought him to get food so I didnt owe him a damn thing. He then said “friends give each other hugs” and I told him we werent friends and he said “we’re more than that”. And I told him we were nothing. and through out the entire ride to Waterbury and back he kept touching me. He called me hun again, he would try to pet me or play with my hair, hes grab my hand or touch my arm, and hed ‘cup’ my chin in his hand like he used to and I kept telling him to stop touching me and I kept trying to push him away but its like telling a moron not to hit the giant red button; they just want to hit it more once you tell them no. It was very frustrating.

He called me yesterday to tell me hes sorry for not calling me sooner cuz he had to help Tom out like all day. I didnt really care, I wasnt going to call him for help that day anyways. And he called me like… 3 times just to tell me that which was stupid. And he called me this morning while I was at Kyle’s. I dont know why. But he can leave me alone now.

This ’summary’ isnt going so well.

K. Next is my parents. Dad has colon cancer now and is dying pretty much. Hes not going to do chemo, we simply dont have the money and to him its just prolonging the pain. So hes got about 5-6 months left. Mom doesn’t believe he’s sick, still, and has another apartment and apparently is seeing someone else. Again. So Dad is going to put the house in my name and when he passes it goes to me and I wont have to pay the mortgage because the house is insured and it’ll be paid for. The only thing Ill have to pay for is like… electricity and what not. And if it gets to be too much I can always just… rent out some rooms. Also, Mom isnt allowed to move in once the house is mine which is perfectly fine with me. That woman and I have never once gotten along and we have always fought and she drives me insane and vice versa so its best that we not live anywhere near each other anymore.

So needless to say, I need as little drama added to my life as possible. 

That night I just felt awful. With finding out my Dad is dying, luis being a douchebag and my Mom just being the ultra-bitch that she always is, I needed some company so around 2:30 Kyle came home from work and I slept over. I felt a little odd being there. He seemed really distant but it was nothing big Im sure. He was distracted by Warhammer and I was just listening to music. I didnt need much attention, I just didnt want to be alone.. and I hadnt seen him in so long I swear to god I just couldnt stop checking him out. He was wearing jeans and for some reason when I see him in jeans I just cant help but want to have my way with him. So yeah. Went to bed around…4:30ish did our thing, had to be quiet though, then went to sleep. 

I always sleep SO well when Im with him, its weird.

Uh. After that I went home, played WoW a bit then around 10 I went to Everett and Mike’s apartment for their weekly wednesday party. It was so nice seeing everyone again but I felt so out of place cuz there were a lot of new faces. But after a while it was fine. Kyle showed up which made me more comfortable and then Everett and I talked and hung out a lot. I miss that kid and apparently he missed me to. Everyone likes my ‘new look’ and my tattoo. Apparently its “cute”, I dunno. I didnt really want to leave last night. I wanted to spend time with mike and Ev but Kyle was sitting there like… he wasnt going t leave until I did for whatever reason so I just left and went over his house. Everett challenged me to some Brawl and other video games, and he said I could sing for rockband 2 once he gets it, and that we should hang out and stuff. So that made me super happy.

Around 4:30am Mike texts me though asking for a ride back to his apt… I didnt even know where he was -_- but i wasnt anywhere near him so… I didnt give him a ride. I was so tired too, Kyle and I didnt even do anything last night. Or this morning. We just slept. lol.

An so here I am updating this. I wanna play some WoW but I also really dont want to… meh. Oh yeah, Jen and I talked about playing guitar and stuff and I told her what I ‘figured out’. I hadnt read anything no how to play guitar, all I did was sit in her room one day, look at some guitar tabs and compared it to a real guitar and figured out how to play it. She seemed proud that I got some stuff right and she wants me to learn to play so I can sing a couple songs with her so THATS pretty awesome. I gotta purchase a guitar though… like asap.

Maybe Jen can help me with my singing too… I mean I can sing okay right now but some notes I just caaaant hit… Hrm. Whateverz. She wants to make a website too and Im totally on board for that. We just… dont know what the site should be of haha we shall see.

[199] You say goodbye and I say hello~!

Been a little eventful the passed weekend.

On Friday I went to Waterbury to check up on my new baby. Apparently, on Thursday when we went to meet up with Bill, he had forgotten to take our $100 to make sure he didnt sell the car until my Sentra got fixed so we had to go back Friday to give him the money. Hes a pretty chill guy and a easy to talk to. but yea… we dropped off the money and checked out a new Wrx STi that they got in that was modified for racing. It even had the bar in the back seat. It was pretty hot~

After that we went to the Mall to purchase everything I had seen on Thursday… haha. I bought this really nice jacket from Forever21, arm warmers from Hot Topic, and… an emo-tastic scarf that’s black and white with like a plaid pattern in some spots and skulls and tassels… it’s huge too. I wore it last night and I looked pretty cool in it. least I think I did

While I was in Forever21 Luis had called me asking me what my mom’s favorite song was cuz he likes it and couldn’t remember the name. The song was Do ya’ think I’m sexy by Rod Stewart. I dunno why he was asking me. Probably to sing it to Jessica or something stupid that he does with every girl he’s with. Then he asked if I’d found a car yet and stuff and to tell him about it later. I dunno. it was rather strange. But whatever.

Uhmm… I dropped Kyle off at his house and went home to get ready for work. Work was rather boring. Karl was bitching about everything, as usual, and really he needs to relax. I’m tired of him complaining about work not being fair. It’s not like your boss and co-workers are going to kiss YOUR ass… just deal with it and shut up. -_- But yeah… Stacey had invited me to a Kegger and Stapleford had invited me to Nate’s for his birthday (Nate’s bday). So pretty much everyone was doing the same thing that night.

However, Stacey never got back to me about the kegger, and Stapleford was really tired cuz his boss had a little party at work and let him drink. I was really tired that night too so I didnt care too much that we didn’t chill. I just wanted to sleep. So I PvPed and went to bed.

On Saturday I hung out with Stapleford all day. Around 3:30 we went to Session Woods which I believe is in Bristol. We walked about a 2.5 mile trail together, up and down hills, and up a fire tower that allowed you to see almost everything. It was really nice but very tiring. While we were up on the firetower he had to pee so I told him to just pee off the side. He didn’t like the idea much but there wasnt a bathroom anywhere so he pretty much had to. So he did and some got on the railing on the way down… so I couldnt use them to support myself cuz we were very high up and I’m afraid of heights and I was wearing sandals… but it was fine. At the end it was actually dripping down so I crawled out the side. We walked away and got back on the trail and as we were leaving another couple was heading for the firetower. I couldnt help but laugh so hard… but it was hard to laugh since… that trail was rather tiring and we’re both so out of shape.

On the trail we headed to the Beaver Pond and hung out there for a bit. Stapleford likes nature a lot and thats something we both have in common. It was so nice~ the water had like a million lilly pads all over the place and some flowers were blooming… I’m confused though. It’s either a Lotus or a Lilly O_o I have no idea. Do they look the same?

After that we went to pick up Stapleford’s friends. Well sort of friends. This chick named Nikki wanted to hang out cuz apparently she’s going to jail tomorrow. She openly talks about it to like it’s not a big deal… she’s so nasty and shes only 18 and has already had 2 abortions and gone to juvie when she was 15… was insane. Apparently she also wants his nuts but he’s so disgusted by her. So yeah we got some pot for them then dropped them off and headed to Burger King, then went to Pat’s house and they smoked up a bit. Then we went to Jill’s for the BBQ. THEY HAVE A CORGI!!! I played with him all night! He was pushing around a soccer ball with his nose getting people to throw it. It was so cute <3

After that we went back to stapleford’s place and hung out a bit… then got hungry and went to price chopper. I didnt stay too long later. It was like 3am and we were both tired~

Sunday I didnt do much during the day. I played WoW and leveled my Warlock. Around 9 I picked up Ryan and went to Amanda’s… although I felt obligated to go because of her away messages… while we were there I felt kind of awkward… jen wasn’t talking very much, and there were a bunch of different conversations going on. I talked mostly to Ryan. I wanted to talk to everyone but it was kind of hard to. the position of everything was just weird so Ryan and I were more out of the circle than anything. Then when they got sticks for marshmallows everyone like… moved away from Ryan and I and sat on the blankets so we were even more separated from everyone else… but Im probably just reading into it too much. Ryan Vacca showed up and that was different. Hadn’t seen him in a minute. He’s chill though. Spent the majority of my time there talking to Vacca and Pasler****

Vacca wanted to change the music, as did a majority of us but Amanda didn’t budge much when it came to that. I told her I agreed with Vacca, but I was just saying it generally… not to her in specific and she singles me out in a rather mean tone “yeah I now how you feel about my music Contessa.” I was blown away by that! I hadn’t done anything and she was being rude about it… it’s not my fault not everyone enjoys her music… Diego suggested I get my iPod and I simply said not everyone likes my music and in a second I got like 3 “I do!” but.. I can’t change my music cuz Amanda wouldn’t allow it so whateverz. Im gonna get shit for this I’m sure.

Stacey called me while I was there inviting me to a little mini party for pong and stuff to chill. I wasn’t going to stay at Amanda’s very long to begin with and Ryan had to go home early too so I told her I’d go. Not too long after I just couldn’t take being there anymore cuz I was put in a kind of bad mood, so Ryan and I left at around 10:50 and I headed to the gas station and to where Stacey was.

It was a little awkward but not bad. Played some Beer pong on a legit fucking pong table so it was like 8ft long and so overwhelming. I sucked more than I usually do! Which sucks cuz the night before at Kills I rocked at BP!

I didn’t stay very long there though. Drank a bit, then went to McDonalds with Stacey and she did the most messed up thing. She told the lady that she was there earlier and ordered a big mac meal and didnt get her fries… and the lady is like “Oh man wtf! Ill get you your fries for free” so we both got free fries with our meal. Thats so messed up! But apparently it works everywhere… lol After that we picked up some money from Paul.. then headed back and bought some stuff. Then I went to Kyle’s and drank a bit with him, smoked a bit… I have one clove left T_T; and then I was so bugged out that I just went to bed after eating.

So yeah… that was pretty much it. Came home not too long ago…  I started thinking about my car and realized I dont have enough practice driving and getting the car home from Waterbury would be a task because of traffic an all the hills I have to drive through… so… I called Luis and asked hm if he could help me get it home and if Jessica wouldnt flip the fuck out and be a bitch if he just helped me out. He said she wouldn’t but Im sure he’s probably not even going to tell her, which is probably another reason why she hates me so much. And he proceeded to tell me that his car is messed up and the clutch might be messed up and its going to cost a lot to fix. Heh, whatever.

So right now Im going to find something to eat. lvl my Warlock some more and possibly PvP. Oh, and call Nissan to fix my car. mao~!

*****I know way too many Ryan’s lol

[163] Thirsty Thursday… at a Bar!

I just got home… from Ryan’s apt. lol. Oh man, last night was nice. The day sucked, but the night was good, thank god.

I went to the mall yesterday in hopes of getting something nice to wear for tonight but to no avail. It failed miserably… I’ve come to learn that I need someone like Lauren to help me shop for clothes because she’s a fantastic saleswoman… she will persuade me into trying on things I never would have thought about. She’ll also get me to buy a dozen things and spend more money than I’d like to lol I miss her <3

While I was in the mall I bumped into Kate and we talked for a bit. She’s still with Justin and she doesn’t want to be… he’s become abusive and I’ve seen the bruises on her arms and stuff. He’s getting worse than Luis was with me… but I told her that Luis wants a roommate and suggested that Justin live with him. We both agreed it’s a bad idea to put those two together again, but if it keeps them away from us it’s worth it. So I got Justin’s number and despite that I was pissed at Luis I texted him the number. He called me shortly after thanking me for the number and ‘looking out for him’.

So I get home around 5:30 and I’m depressed as hell because I got nothing at the mall and I begin to realize that although I dress casual, I look mad young. It’s like I’m still in High School! not only because of how I dress, but I look young too. I hear it all the time! Stacey’s friends are around 18-23 and they all ask me how old I am and are surprised because I look 17… so I need clothes to compensate for how young I look.

Around 8:30 I went to Ryan’s apt and chilled there until like 9:30 or 10. He gave me a couple Budweisers and it sucks… cuz I used to like Bud a lot but it was hard drinking it last night… it’s probably cuz I’m so used to Keystone and other college beers… but Vinnie mentioned he wanted to get drunk before heading up tot he bar… and I felt the same way. So I went to my car, got my bacardi big apple and made myself a drink. It did the trick right quick especially since I hadnt really eaten.

So we walked to the bar and I got in real easy. They don’t card at the door so it was cool but since I look so young, Ryan told me to try not to get near the bar area itself lol it was open mic night and $1 a beer so we took a table and just chilled there and stuff. It was pretty cool. I like the atmosphere and Ryan’s friends are pretty cool.

It’s weird though. I hate Bristol still but I’m making a lot of new friends that reside in bristol. it kinda bugs me because I’m afraid I’ll run into people Luis is friends with/knows aka his gf and what not but I’m pretty sure that… my people wouldn’t be caught dead with her. Or she wouldn’t be caught dead with them. Iuno. Doesn’t matter.

So yeah. Had a few beers, a whiskey sour and rocked out wearing Vinnie’s aviators. I love how everyone treated me. I’m not sure if they were just being cool with me because I’m with Ryan but they were pretty awesome people. Stephanie (Pat’s gf — Pat is the one with the kool-aid man tattoo) is already calling Ryan ‘my boy’ lol at one point in the night we were outside smoking and some dudes offered to buy us drinks and she’s like ‘Our guys are inside’ and this and that. It was cool. She’s cool.

Ryan and I got a little closer and we talked a lot. It was nice~ uhm… I don’t know what time we went back to his place. It had to be at least passed midnight. We walked back and passed Luis’ apt and I saw his car outside. I was seconds from keying is car but thankfully Ryan was there. He made my night better so with him there I didn’t feel much bitterness towards anything.

So we got back to his place and there are two bowls being packed at the same time and I’m thinking “this is a recipe for disaster…” but I hit them both anyways. It was greaaat. I got so high, so fast it was retarded. Ryan’s looking to get another job so he couldn’t smoke up but he didn’t seem to mind that I did… least I hope. He was laughing at me though… I was being kind of silly. I had grabbed a gigantic leaf from a tree outside while we were walking back and tucked it into my pants and said I was Eve from Adam & Eve lol the leaf was huuuge and became a joke between all of us. 

By like 1:30am though I started getting really tired and stuff and actually rather nauseous so I asked Ryan if I could lay down in his room for a little bit. He came in after a while and offered to make me food and he laid down with me and everything. He’s a sweetheart… he made me a hot dog with like 4 different condiments on the side to dip it in; ketchup, hot sauce, ranch and mustard and you know what? All together they sound disgusting or weird but when you try it it’s fantastic. 

After that I laid down, he washed his plate (he’s surprisingly  very clean and neat), came back and cuddled me. We started talking again and he asked me what I thought of him. I don’t remember what I said but I remember reverting the question back to him and he wasn’t sure of what to tell me at first because he knew he liked me but he didn’t know why and he mulled it over a bit and pretty much what it boiled down to was that I’m ‘exotic’ to him lol He said he likes my hair and I’m cute and fun and stuff… hehe. It was surprising though cuz he… gave me some vague answers when I first asked cuz he really didn’t know what to say! I guess he got kinda shy… but he actually laid there with me and thought about it…

Oh yeah… I remember I told him his tattoos are a turn on. And he said he likes the way I look at him… ahhh making me blush! He’s so affectionate! He kissed my head and my shoulders and stuff, no intention of sleeping with me or anything, it was so sweet. He made me happy~ <3

He wants to hang out again on Saturday~ he said he might visit me at work too~~~~ he’s going to a wedding today so I can’t see him tonight but it’s fine. Don’t want too much of a good thing too soon although I kinda wanna see him a lot hehe

It’s made early and I have work at 5. I want to eat but I don’t need to. I need to lose weight. Hrm. I want eggs and sausage.

[161] 3 day update

I have 3 days to update on… technically like 4 but one of them I didnt even do anything but whatever. Lets start off with Friday~!

Friday:

I was excited for Friday because I had to go to work… now, the fact that i had to work isn’t why, it’s because I was getting out of the house. It’s like I had cabin fever and just needed to get out and going to work was going to help that.

Stacey had called me before work and told me she wasn’t going in but that she was inviting me over to her place after I get off work because she’s having people over to drink and stuff and was making “Jungle Juice”.

So at work I was super happy because I was out and stuff and I was really nice to everyone and this one person gave me a $9 tip… which is kinda funny and ridiculous because I just do take out and stuff.

But anyways after work I went over to Stacey’s and it was kind of awkward at first because I didn’t know too many people there. I know maybe… 3 or 4 people but they were nice to me and stuff and drunk. Stacey then introduced me tot he Jungle Juice and refused to tell me what was in it until I had some… So I tried it and I knew it was trouble… because it tasted like regular Juice without any alcohol in it whatsoever… but then I came to learn that Jungle Juice contained 3 gallons of random fruit juices, a liter of Dubra (Vodka) half a pint of Grain alcohol, and a whole bottle of Bacardi 151… KILLER.

I hadn’t eaten, and Stacey and I were racing cups of Jungle Juice to see who finished the cup first and stuff. I did like more than 6 cup races and I wasn’t feeling anything and when you get like that, you should stop because you’re going to get hit by it later on and you’re gonna be fucked up… but no of course not I thought I was the champ… lol

And then some more people came… and this is when I met Ryan… he was carrying a 40oz bottle of beer and the first thing I notice is that he has tattoos all on his arms, he’s made tall, and fucking cute. We hit it off immediately and it was fantastic. We talked and flirted of course and by the end of my night we were making out.

I smoked like 2 cloves and had some more jungle juice and then it hit me! I don’t know when it happened, how it started, but I remember being blacked out and puking like crazy and Stacey telling me that my puke looked like the seaweed from sushi because the jungle juice was green. It was ridiculous! At some point in the night I, apparently, puked in my own eye. And Ryan saw htis! Apparently everyone saw it! But it was cool cuz they thought it was funny and amazing and yeah.. it is! I mean really, how the hell do you puke in your own eye? I dunno how I did it. But it’s great.

At one point I started bawling my ass off for some god awful reason that I still don’t know abut and I know it had something to do with Luis because one of Stacey’s friends, Mike, was taking care of me and stuff while I was crying and he was talking about his ex and being hurt and he knows how it feels and this and that…. and also because earlier on in the night Luis had called me… at 12:46am and I don’t remember what was said or anything but he hung up and I guess something that happened in that conversation upset me a lot and I cried about it.

I passed out later and woke up on Stacey’s bedroom floor at like 4:30am and I drove home without my shoes because I couldn’t find them in the dark. Then I slept in until 10:30 and around 11:30 I picked up my uncle, got my hair done, took a nap and went to work at 5~ Ryan came in with Kevin while I was working and gave me a hug and got my number and invited me to a bbq on Monday.

Saturday night I stayed in and by 11:30 I was asleep.

Sunday:

This day, I went to Torrington and hung out with Mike all day. We went to Friendly’s and then Olympia Sports and bought a frisbee, and then we checked out some puppies at some pet store, and headed back to his house. He taught me how to play Ultimate Frisbee and stuff, and we had a couple screwdrivers and then I called Kyle and invited him up.

Mike’s brother came over and brought his newest puppy, Monster. She’s a 3 month old Chihuahua! And she’s adorable. So I played with her and then we went inside and, unfortunately, watched Resident Evil 1 + 2… which sucked because, as you know, I’m deathly afraid of zombies. But by the end of the second movie I was alright because Zombies werent too much of a huge thing in it.

Kyle came and played with Monster and once we finished Resident Evil 2, we went to Dos Amigos… the Bar. I got in just fine and sat at the bar with them and they ordered some drinks. Before we went to Dos, however, we had some vodka and bacardi drinks and I took shot after shot of different flavors of Bacardi that Kyle had brought and I had a few shots of vodka and then a couple mized drinks and stuff. So I was nicely buzzed by the time we got to the bar… and then at the bar I had some Long Island is Tea, some Gin and tonic… and a bit of bud light. 

Mike left me and Kyle by ourselves and he mingled and stuff and Kyle and I pretty much got cozy with each other… we talked a lot and got all of our thoughts out and fixed everything and… we got close again and I decided… there isn’t any point in getting upset about him being with my friends… he’s older than I am so he can do a lot more than I can with them. So we made out a lot and stuff and everything was good between us.

We went back to Mike’s house and drank some more and jumped on the trampoline for like half an hour or so. Mike or Kyle accidentally bounced on my right hand and messed up my thumb but it’s fine… that thumb has been messed up ever since Luis fucked it up. So it wasn’t a big deal and I didn’t care, besides it was an accident.

We wanted to get in the hot tub but Mike’s mom put chlorine in it and said we had to wait 24 hours which was fine. Kate came by soon after and took some shots with me and hung out and then around… 4am we went to a diner and had some food… by the time we got back the sun was rising and we decided to go to bed. Kyle and I slept together downstairs… we started making out and doing some heavy petting but it didn’t go much farther than thought… although we wanted it to… I remember while i was sleeping the blanket came off me and he wrapped me back up in it… it was so sweet and cute… hehe.

Monday:

Kyle and I woke up around 1 in the afternoon and relaxed upstairs. Around 2-2:30 we left Mike’s house so we could go home and shower and stuff and come back for the bbq/party his Mother was having for Memorial Day.

This was the day I was supposed to go to Ryan’s bbq and I figured I would go to both. What would the harm be? So around 5ish I started getting ready. IN between all of this, Luis just shows up out of nowhere.

So he comes inside and I’m in a bathing suit because I wanted to try some on because when I go to Mike’s, we’re going in the hot tub later on in the night… and I didn’t know Luis was coming over so it’s not like it was on purpose. So when he gets in, I change and stuff and the only shirt in my room is my Graffiti Party one.. so I throw it on and some pants and sit by my computer. Luis isn’t talking… just sitting there saying “Well, i’m here.” and I keep asking him what he wants me to do because I dont know what to talk about and why he keeps saying that… after a while I asked him why he wasn’t moving to Bridgeport anymore and he snapped back and said “You want me to?” I was a little upset that he was so rude but I just said nevermind and kept my mouth shut after that… if he’s going to go nuts for that one question, what else would he snap at ya know?

So I sit on the bed and he’s at the end of it and he looks at me and says “Why won’t you change?” I didn’t know what he meant at first… I thought he meant my clothes but it didn’t make sense because I already had changed… so I asked and he said that I need to change and I asked to clarify and he said my lifestyle… I still didn’t understand really. I could have been a smart ass and said that my lifestyle affects nobody but me and is my business and not his but I didn’t say anything and asked why and what I needed to change… he said he didn’t know where to start and asked me to help him… I was a little upset but calm and I actually didn’t really care about what he was saying…. and why so I told him there was nothing I needed to change.

once I said that, he said “Okay I’ll talk to you later.” got up, and left. I didn’t stop him or say anything to him… why should I? He has no right to just show up at my house and tell me to change… so I texted him and told him that if he’s going to talk to me like that, to not even bother to talk to me in the first place.

I shrugged it off though… after ranting to Kyle, and finished getting ready, and then went to Ryan’s.

It was kind of strange… because Ryan lives like 2 buildings away from Luis’ apartment. I was really paranoid and afraid that I would run into Luis… so I texted him and asked him if he was home, he replied with a No and I then said Okay Good lol…

It was nice seeing Ryan and stuff. His friends are crazy and after a couple beers and stuff I loosened up and got acquainted with them all and just had fun and I actually like them. Stacey, unfortunately didnt show up though. She was too upset.

But Ryan and I flirted with each other a lot and he said he had the bbq so he and I could hang out lol it was cute… he would hug me a lot and kiss my forehead and stuff. It was cool and kinda funny because at one point when he was hugging me he looked in the mirror and got freaked out at how tall he was compared to me… because he’s 6′9”… but I don’t mind. He’s pretty cool regardless. He has a lot of tattoos too… which is actually… rather hot.

But anyways, by 11:30-12am everyone had left and it was just me and Ryan. I found out that he plays bass and I was insta-turned on… and I would tickle him and stuff and he’d try to tickle me and get frustrated because I’m not ticklish… it was great. He said he wants to hang out with me again soon to watch a movie or do whatever… and we started kissing and stuff and making out and he’s actually really gentle… it was strange. After that he started petting me and playing with my hair and kept telling me how much he liked it.. it was so nice. 

And hen we made out again… and I suggested we go to his room. So we did and… wow did things get heated. We made out, lots of heavy petting and dear god he knows how to use his tongue… he’s relentless too. But after that whole downstairs business was done he kissed me and said he didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with me because we just met. I told him I agreed and that I was fine with it and we kept kissing and making out afterwards and stuff… but because he respected me enough to not have sex with me right then and there… it just made me want him more and really drove me crazy… but it was good regardless… and thanks to him, I found out that my back is super sensitive… he kept kissing my shoulders and back and just running his hands down it and…man I melted.

I left around 2am because he had to get to sleep and I didnt want to just stay over… but I miss him hehe. I kinda like him and it’s nice. He’s different from other guys Ive met and he’s a gentleman… he’s a real nice guy. it seems I’m finally starting to meet the right guys.

Took long enough!

I didn’t go to Mike’s… it got late and it didn’t seem worth the trouble to drive all the way to torrington and just sit in the hot tub and stuff. It would have been better if he got back to me earlier and I had enjoyed the festivities beforehand… but yeh. It didn’t happen. but it was fine because I still had a good night with Ryan… hehe.

I had a good weekend and I’m happy. Even though Luis almost ruined it… but I had a good time… I wonder what I’ll do tomorrow…