[206] Runaway and save your life

I’m starting to detest sleeping. All these nightmares of Luis are just destroying me more and more. If I can’t escape him even when I’m asleep then what the hell is the point? I don’t feel like putting down every detail of the dream but as you can probably guess they all end the same: He leaves me for Jessica and if isn’t not Jessica it’s another girl but 98% of the time its her.

I’ve been playing WoW… obviously. I met a couple of girls from there and they’re really cool (I think I mentioned this already right?) but yeah we made a Guild and it’s just going to be girls that play WoW. I’m gonna be the guild leader once one of the other girls sets it up since she has way more gold. For some reason She wanted me to be GM… I’m in charge of making the guild tabard and I have yet to decide if I want to make a website as well. We’re really excited and although I don’t get along with girls very well, if they’re gamers it’s a lot easier… Jen is gonna be in the guild too so thats something to look forward to as well.

On Friday I have to get up crazy early to go to Norwalk with my Mom and Marlyn or however she spells her name. She’s getting a passport for when they go to Aruba… Mom said I could get a passport and receive it in  just a couple days and that I could go to Aruba with them too. They’re going to a wedding of a friend that lives down there whom hooks us up with hotels all the time. So yeah… although I’m not swamped with work or anything, I’m dying emotionally so I need a vacation to get away from everything. Unfortunately once again I am running away from the issue in hopes that once I come back everything will be better… but this time it’s different. He’s not going to be calling me and leaving me a million messages while I’m gone or anything… so… yeah.

Mom also suggested that if I don’t come to aruba now that I could go to aruba later on whenever I wanted to with a friend and she’d pay for the hotel and everything… it’s a nice idea but who would I go to aruba with anyways? It used to be a plan for me and Luis… he said he’d go with me and everything but hell, he’s said a lot of things to me.

They’re going to aruba on the 26th. Its rather short notice for me and I’ll have to move some things around… my tattoo appointment is the 27th and it’s also Chrissy’s birthday. Unfortunately since I won’t be around for her I’ll have to get back to her once I return. If I can find something, i’ll buy her something in aruba.

Lets see… I also have to pick up my car on friday, i its fixed. Supposedly it cost $3400 to get it fixed. thankfully I don’t have to pay any of that. Although it’s not very cheap, it means that it was mostly exterior damage… at least I think it’s just exterior issues… I’m also hoping it was just that. Once that’s all over and done with I can get set on getting the Acura.

And then after that I’m going to work… so it’s going to be a rather busy day. Kyle has work and he wants me to sleep over sometime this week before I go but really I’m getting to that point again where I don’t really want to see him that fricken often. It’s getting annoying… and I’m not in the mood to be affectionate with anyone or sleep with anyone be it involving sex or literally just sleeping… just not comfortable.  He asked me (after I asked him) if he was going to miss me and I said that I didnt know and he got rather upset because he didn’t seem that important to me. I’m like seriously what the hell? He should know by now that I’m not that kind of person, he knows WHY I’m going away and he’s going to pull that bullshit on me? It’s not like we’re married or going out… get off my nuts. I’m not the type of person to start “missing” someone just cuz Ive gone on vacation for a week or so. I don’t just start to miss people like that. The only person I really miss is… well everyone know. And Kyle is not at the same level as him. I’m not sure any guy will be, sadly.

hm… I’ve come to realize how much I despise getting picked up to go places. I hate that I can’t just drive myself somewhere and being dependent on someone else… for anything actually. =_= I really hope I get my car back friday.

Hm… what else to write about… Oh. I think I’ve decided to register for classes next semester. I’m going to be away this semester and I think I’d much rather just work my ass off for a few months. I mean I love classes and stuff but right now… eh. I hate tunxis. But while I’m not attending there I’ll just study something on the side. Kyle suggested I sit in on some of his classes like Sociology. I LOVE Sociology but I’m not even sure how I would possibly sit in one of his classes at CCSU if I dont even go there lol he said the lecture rooms are huge s I’d never really get caught buuut I don’t think I want to take those chances.

I dunno what else to write. This entry seems kind of… pointless =_=; I dunno. w/e

Oh yeah! The House Bunny comes out on Friday. I actually wanna see it… but I don’t think anyone I know wants to see it…

[184] Light me, baby lets make those sparks fly

I should start writing again… Get those creative juices going and create a good story like I used to :/ writer’s block sucks though. Meh. I’ll think of something. I’m not sure why I suddenly feel like writing so badly…

but anyways, yesterday I was with Kyle all day. Not much of a surprise I know, but when I tried contacting some of my friends the day before and yesterday included, only a couple of them responded to me… I wasn’t able to make very good plans with them because the majority of them were working but at least they let me know and such. I would have gotten together with them later on in the night but I wasn’t even in town.

Kyle and I had gone to the Meriden Mall and our first stop was Hot Topic. It’s much larger than the ones at West-farms and I bought a few pins and a keychain thing. After that we went to the pet store. In the windows of the pet store facing the outside there were kittens! They were a creamy white color and all sleeping. One one side there were Siamese kittens… and the other I’m not sure but they were kind of fluffy. I wanted one so bad! Once we ventured inside we ran into a friend of Kyle’s whos been dubbed as “Spike” for unknown reasons. WHen I looked into the puppy area the first thing I saw was a Corgi! My dream dog! Haha I was so happy and Spike said that was his favorite dog out of the bunch and asked us if we wanted to take him out to play. So we did and I fell in love with him right away… he was rather playful and liked to bit at Kyle’s heels, but thats because of the breed of dog he is.

I took pictures of him too and gave him treats. He was adorable! Not really a baby, a little older, but it was fine. I was set on getting him or at least getting my parents to agree to getting him. I took pictures of the puppy too! And I called Mom while eating dinner with Kyle at Ruby Tuesdays to ask her if we could get it… she said to ask Dad and Dad said he didnt mind lol the corgi costs about $800 so its on sale. Usually it costs much more than that. SHe said we’d talk about it and what not.

After dinner we wondered around the mall for a bit, went to Gamestop and Software Express, Journey’s shoes… and Spencers gifts. He had been invited to a beach house in old saybrooke and asked me if I wanted to come along. The only reason I decided to go was because my friends hadnt gotten back to me and some of them were busy and because Ian was at the beach house. Other than that, I wouldnt have gone. I dont feel comfortable around the other girls that Kyle is friends with other than Lauren… mostly because theyre not easily approachable. Theyre so into their own little clique that they dont care about anyone else. It’s like youre still in High School with them.

Kyle and I had gone down to the beach and the jetty and just sat on the rocks together watching the ocean and what not. It was nice just being there with him. He said he’d go catch a crab for me but if he did, I had to pet it like it was a cute animal and promise not to run away. I promised I wouldn’t run away but I refused to pet it because you should only pet things that are cute… He was about to do it but it was low tide and getting dark so he didn’t. People were already setting off fireworks around us and we watched it for a while then decided to get the fireworks his dad had bought him and then come back.

The fireworks were fantastic. The entire beach was illuminated by hundreds of illegal fireworks and giant explosions. We were directly under them, so pieces of the fireworks would float down around us but it was alright. I was just happy to be there with Kyle and Ian.

After the fireworks we started heading back to the beach house and we saw a swing set… so we went to it and just talked for a bit. There was this young couple no older than 16 sitting on a little sand dune or something. Behind them there were little kids sneaking up o them… Kyle and I stayed just to see how it would turn out. It was kind of cute. Unfortunately it was rather anti-climactic. Kyle had shifted a bit on his swing which made the chains squeak and resulted in the guy looking back and seeing the kids sneaking around.

After that we walked back to the beach house. It was around 10:30 and I didnt want to spend the night there which is why I hadnt had anything to drink at all. Ian wanted to go back as well and asked me if I was fine with giving him a ride back. I didnt mind, he’s a cool kid. Once he got in my car though Allana wanted Ian to ride with her because she didn’t want to drive back alone… though she lives in Cheshire and Ian lives in southington. Not only that but none of us thought she was fit to drive since she had been consuming alcohol all day but whatever… we didnt stop her, we figured she would be fine. Plus she had Ian with her. Kyle didnt like how needy she was… and I didnt either.

I dropped Kyle off at his house… I was going to sleep over but he had work at noon and whenever I sleep over he stays up so late and we always end up having sex. Now, dont get me wrong, I love the sex we have. However… I’m not on birth control, and he doesn’t use condoms. So we just need to stop doing it for a while until I do… he told me to get it quick because although he can do fine without sex, he’s going to miss it very much and isn’t very good at ‘resisting’ me haha

He said if I felt like coming back that night to feel free to at any time. but I didn’t. I decided to stay home because I didnt want to continue sleeping over and possible get my Dad angry for staying out all night every night…

I asked him today and he said as long as Im safe and that if anything happens I had my cell phone and to call him, that it would be alright and he wouldnt mind… heh, cool~ <3

So yeah… Mo is coming by today and I’m going to show her the pictures of the puppy and see how that goes. I have work at 5… on Tuesday I have an appointment at Gallery Salon for Highlights. I havent decided quite yet what colors to use or how to have the highlights so Im close to telling the hairdresser… “Go nuts just no blonde” lol

On monday it’s said that Se7en’s single “Them Girls” is going to come out but thats highly doubtful. He hasn’t had any publicity or announcements in over a month… *sigh* Im close to just giving up on him. I’m also said to have a bracelet coming that Rindy bought me~ it’s such a cute bracelet and supposedly it comes with a free gift. I cant believe he actually bought me the bracelet….but its greatly appreciated <3<3

Hm.. not much else for me to update on right now~ I wonder whats going on tonight… as much as I love spending time with Kyle I think I should hang out with someone else so I dont get tired or aggravated by it.

[106] Departing Portland

So…Im super depressed right about now. I left Portland yesterday at around 12 and I regret that.

The night before, Ryuki and I had decided we wanted to spend as much time together as possible…meaning we would basically pull an all-nighter. But unfortunately he started getting very ill and had a terrible headache… I had him take some Aleve and go to bed and he said he was sorry because he wanted to spend one more intimate night with me and because he’s sick he wasn’t able to do so. I didn’t really mind. I felt horrible that he had gotten sick and although I wanted to stay up and spend time with him, I also wanted to sleep beside him one last time and cuddle as much as I could.

So we went to sleep and of course, we cuddled as much as possible. I, however, wasn’t able to sleep through the entire night…I kept waking up and looking over at Ryuki. I wanted to kiss his forehead and such but I was afraid that to much movement would wake him so I settled for just touching his face softly, or wrapping my arm around him. At one point he did wake up and kiss me…

That morning the alarm went off at 8. Ryuki shut it off and continued to sleep, as did I, until around 10 when I finally got up. Ryuki’s dad called around 10:30 and finally Ryuki got out of bed and took a quick shower..but of course, he asked me to join. I declined the offer…I really didn’t want our intimate moment to be in the shower especially since we had so little time together. So I figured we just wouldn’t have one…

Ryuki’s father gave us a ride to the airport. Ryuki sat in back with me, holding me and I couldnt help but feel sad…it would be the last time he’d hold me, for a while.

At the airport, I did everything I had to do; check-in, print boarding pass. Aferwards, Ryuki’s father offered buy some souvenirs for me. He pressed the issue…I really didnt want him spending any money on me but there was no convincing him otherwise..so I purchased a Hat of the Oregon Ducks (Whatever team and sport they were for). I decided on the hat easily; I wanted a hat for a while, it was sporty, and it was green and white and I like those colors. Anything else would have just seemed a bit odd to me.

He bought us food afterwards but I couldn’t eat much. I’m not sure why. Iw as hungry, but I just couldn’t really bring myself to eat much…I took a couple pictures of Ryuki and they came out really cute…he wanted to take a picture of us together but I got really shy and I thought if we did in fact take a picture together, that I wouldn’t be able to smile. Not genuinely atleast…and I’d just get even more depressed at the fact that I was leaving. I guess I just didn’t want it to seem as real as it was…

Leaving Ryuki was hard enough. It took all the willpower in the world not to cry and even so, it was to no avail. I cried as soon as I turned my back to him. I made my way through security, wiping away any tears I had left. They discarded my drink, saying anything over said fluid ounces was not allowed in…which I thought was utterly ridiculous because on my way TO Portland, I had an iced tea and it was allowed passed security but I decided not to argue about it and just went on my way…thirsty, and coughing like crazy and cursing the security guard for taking away the only thing I had to stop the tickle in my throat.

When I reached my Gate, they were already Boarding the B section, and I was in the A section. It didnt matter much, I just wasn’t able to get a Window seat, like I always like to have. But I didn’t mind it much this time. I didn’t want to see Portland fly by. When we finally took off, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and a blanket of sadness took over me. I started thinking of Ryuki, hardcore. I had his sweater on, and everything I had still smelled of him and it was somewhat comforting and all the same, painful. The tears started flowing and I remembered that Ryuki didn’t want me to cry so I took out my iPod and my book and immersed myself in it.

Once my flight reached Las Vegas I headed towards my gate. The first thing I noticed was…there were slot machines…everywhere! It seemed to odd to me. i know its Las Vegas but was it really necessary to have Slot Machines in the airport as well? I as tempted to try my hand at one but then realized I didn’t even know how to use the stupid thing…and I didn’t want to waste any money on it so I ignored the urges.

I reached gate C14 and called Ryuki. We talked for a while but it felt to me like he wasn’t paying me much attention at all…He was playing Call of Duty 4 on his new PS3 and I couldn’t help but feel like I was burdening him by calling him…it felt like he didn’t miss me at all so needless to say I got a little annoyed and started thinking that once i get back home, the distance wouldn’t be the only issue…that simply communicating would be hard enough and would make the distance seem even worse…

I decided to check in on my flight and told him I’d call him back later. Afterward I started walking around..I still had 2 hours till my flight to Hartford so I didn’t see the harm in acting like a tourist. I ended up wandering a gift shop and staring at shot glasses, trying to decided which one was worth buying. Eventually I ended up buying a deck of Invisible cards, a shot glass, loaded dice and chocolate that resembled poker chips.

I called my Mom and told her I was in Vegas and how I loved how it looked. I could see the mountains, and the dozens of buildings and lights that Las Vegas was known for…my favorite building being the shape of a black Pyramid. I took pictures but with my camera there’s only so far you can zoom in… I called Ryuki again and I got really quiet. Eventually I asked him to take a nap, because his condition seemed to be getting worse. He agreed and I was forced to listen to music alone for the remainder of the wait until my flight arrived.

I got the window seat I so desired but since it was 5 o’clock it didn’t matter. I wasn’t able to take very many pictures from the plane like I had intended. So again I lost myself in my book and music. Unfortunately I actually finished the book an hour before getting home…I got really emotional when finishing the book. But then again, I always do once I finish a book. I started drawing afterwards and remembered a name I had told Ryuki as a suggestion for a band name…which come to think of it, as cool as the name sounds, it wouldn’t really be befitting of a band name…but it would be great for some sort of Manga or something…so I have a new idea to draw up.

When the plane started to land, my heart was pounding…not because I was anxious to be home. More for the fact that I just didn’t want to touch ground. I was hoping that landing was just a terrible nightmare…I kept repeating to myself “I don’t want to be home. Please don’t land!” but unfortunately we did…and the second we touched the ground, all the stress I had run away from once leaving CT came back and I couldn’t help but cry a bit.

When I got in the car, Mom gave me a kiss and asked me how i was and if I enjoyed being in Oregon. I told her the truth: I didn’t want to come home. I told her that one of the reasons why I left, was to run away from all the stress and problems I had down here. She asked if I liked Ryuki and if we were dating. I told her I liked him a lot, and it was great being with him but that I was afraid of starting an actual relationship with him because he lives so far away. But I also told her we basically were going out now. She then proceeded to ask me if I had slept with him. She was so blunt about it I couldn’t help but blush and yell out the childish “Mom~!”…but she saw right through it and said “Yeah~ you did.” I couldn’t lie to her, I had no reason to anyways. So I admitted to it and she laughed a bit and asked if I used protection and I said Yes.

I told her how nice it was, and how everyone was so nice and that for some reason everyone I met had called me cute. She was happy for me I suppose but I don’t think she fully understands how much I really enjoyed being there…

As we drove home, everything became a painful reminder of how much I hated living in CT. I realized that if I could live somewhere else…I probably would decide t pick up and move, any time. I started thinking…if I had grown up somewhere else, like Portland, would I be any different? I don’t have very many positive memories in CT..mostly negative, and they keep increasing. So…if I were to leave, I would be starting over. And I don’t mind that thought or feeling at all…

Being in Oregon made me feel new. I also felt very at home with everyone I met, and comfortable. Ryuki himself told me it was like I was ‘native’ to Portland. Like I was always from there, and not a visitor from New England. It meant a lot to me for him to say that…because it really does feel like home to me…but then again, any place away from CT would feel like home to me most likely.

Ryuki says that I shouldn’t be so sad because he has to deal with the burden of missing me, just as I have to deal with missing him…but its much more than that to me. I was finally stress free, and happy. Not one thing brought me down…not even the fact that Luis kept trying to contact me every day and would leave a voicemail every once in a while. I didn’t care…because there was no way for him to contact me otherwise. Everything I hated, was in CT and would remain there. In Oregon I had nothing but Love.

I’ve been fighting tears all night. I hate it here…and the main reason why I even bothered coming back, is because I have school to possibly attend to…and I feel that I can’t abandon my sister, Lauren. Not like this.

So here I am…at ‘home’.

[105] Portland, Day 5

So yesterday was pretty cool. Woke up at around 10 and got ready for a wedding rehearsal thingy. It was a little odd. Like when I think weddings, I think of huge over the top events with dresses and brides maids and…yeah. But this was just a casual small get together of sorts. Do the legal stuff in a courthouse then just party on afterwards lol But it was nice nonetheless.

The night before that, we hung out with Tony and Paul over at some guys apartment, named aaron. We played Rockband but I will admit the fun was ruined by Aaron. He’s just flat out…strange. And since it was almost 1-2am and Aaron’s apt. is like…on the 3rd floor, we obviously got complaints. And Tony was sick so we called it a night.

I called my Mom finally. I had my phone off for a few days and she got so worried, she left me 4 voicemails…lol when she answered shes like “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!” it was funny and cute. she also told me Luis called the house numerous times…he called my cell too and left a voicemail saying he’s been trying to get a hold of me for days and he needs to talk to me. He has not failed to cal me once a day every day this passed week…I dunno what he wants, really. He told me to leave him alone, so I did…but ow its like he’s panicking and shit and his life depends on talking to me or something.

Its 10:12 at the moment. My pretty boy is sleeping still, which is ok. He’s sick :/ thats what he gets for not dressing appropriately when it’s freezing outside! I leave today though…my flight is at 12:20 and I’ll be home by midnight over there…it’ll be 9 down here..thats gonna be SO weird…I fly to Las Vegas first though and around 4:40 I’ll be heading home. Rawr…unnecessary waiting.

I didn’t realy get to say bye to Tony or Tiffany…or Jeff for that matter. Thats so sad… I hate this though. I ended up liking a lot of the people down here that I met. I mean like, really liking them (as friends, mind you). I’m afraid that once I get back to CT that we just wont talk at all…which would be understandable because they’re only friends with me because I’m Ryuki’s gf…least that’s how I see it. But I really don’t want that…I dunno though. :/

Hm…Ryuki wants to shower with me. *-* Noooo thats embarrassing! lol Time to go~

[105] Portland Day..uh…4?

We went to Pioneer Square (…I think lol) yesterday. It was so nice! It’s basically…Downtown Portland I think. Tony and Tiffany took us~ they’re crazy though…Tiffany was wearing a skirt and tank-top O_o no sweater or anything and Tony was in sandals…but atleast he had on a long shirt. But still. We went to Pioneer Mall and it’s sooo pretty in there…should have taken pictures of the Mall but that would’ve been a little awkward…but we went into 21 which…is basically Forever21 only…I dunno, the styles are a bit different and it has guys clothes in it too and its X111 or some shit…I don’t know my Roman numeral and crap so I dunno what 21 looks like. but it was so nice! So many clothes that I like…I almost went nuts buying things but…I ended up not getting anything because I was afraid of how much I would actually spend. Which is dumb because…theres no taxes up here so…it would’ve been awesome sauce.

Tony bought a really hot sweater though. I dunno how to explain it. But we made Tiffany wear it outside cuz we knew she was cold, and we took pictures so you’ll see it in the pictures. So we walked around and ended up in a lil plaza thing which I’m assuming holds special events seeing as it was huge an some stands were setup and junk…There was this one part that Tiff showed me…that if you stand on this one particular circle it amplifies your voice and you can hear it sort of..echo. Tony tiff and I did it but Ryuki kinda just took pictures and stuff. It was so weird though!

Eventually all we did was take pictures in this place. Mostly with Tiff’s camera cuz hers is way better so I asked her to send the pictures for me when she finds me on myspace and junk.

Peter called Ryuki and asked us if we wanted to go out for some sushi so he picked us up by Nordstrom I think is where we were…and we headed towards San Sai…and it took FOREVER to find parking lol but it was well worth it. The Sushi was fantastic…nothing like I’d ever seen before. Ryuki and I shared a Red Bull roll and a Tiger Roll (which is much different than the ones my restaurant make…) and all together it just came to $13 since theres no tax…and the whole happy Hour thing makes it so some rolls are half off all the time. And then Tiffany and Tony got some Curry and Tony….got full really fast O_o so we basically mooched off of his food and we ended up all just sharing rolls and stuff. Awesome experience.

Peter dropped us off at the parking garage Tony parked in and we went to Ryuki’s afterwards. there wasn’t much to do since it was already like 8:30 or so and it was Sunday. So we played some GH3 and just talked and sort of attempted to play Truth or Truth. Ryuki kept telling me I wasn’t being as affectionate and he thought I was mad at him…like the whole day. I don’t entirely know why I was acting the way I was. I mean for the most part I felt fine and nothing annoyed me… but it seemed like Tiff and Tony were sort of in a bad mood so I guess it kinda caught on to me. And plus the dream I had of Tony must’ve been bugging me. I don’t really enjoy the fact that he was the one in my dream. It makes me feel kind of awkward and I figured Ryuki would be upset about it… but he didn’t seem to be…although he did get upset at the fact that I called Tony’s brother hot. lol. Which he is but he’s only 14 (I swear he doesn’t look that young though) and nothing would ever happen between us. Even if he were of proper age, I doubt anything would occur. Another thing, I just remembered, that kinda bugged me is the fact that…Ryuki’s ex is trying to mend things once again and she liked spammed his away message yesterday… I didn’t read any of them cuz it’s not my business or place to be reading things like that but I did ask him about it and he said that she said she was sorry for how she was treating him (?) and that she would be fine with talking to him or something. I dunno. It kinda bugged me. Not sure why, it’s not my place to get upset. He can talk to whoever he wants to and junk.

That’s pretty much all that went down yesterday. We’re supposed to hang out today as well. I’m not entirely sure what we’re doing though. Tony has yet to call…hrm.

Oh yeah! Weird dream once again. I don’t remember much. But I was…in my basement I think. And Tyler B. (I dunno how to spell his last name but he’s from FHS) was over along with…I don’t remember who. And something about killing kittens came up and I broke into tears and wouldn’t stop crying over the kittens…cuz like the way they died was just weird horrible. I dun wanna go into it though.

~*~

[104] Portland <3

I really… really don’t want to leave here… I’m just too happy…

[104] Portland Day 3!

Last night was quite the event. I read a little more of my book and then once Ryuki got up, we rocked out at GH3. We spent like an hour taking turns unlocking songs and stuff…and for the first time, I battled against Lou on that…Devil Went Down to Georgia song thing. It was pretty damn awesome but quite difficult but I got it…in defeating Lou, you unlock a crapload of songs in the Bonus section and you get to play DragonForce in the ending credits while you’re character rocks out on a stage by herself. It was so cool, but even on Medium…DragonForce is really hard. lol.

In the middle of GH3 I went and took a shower…I came back into the room and Ryuki’s brother, Peter, was sitting at the computer *-* soooo awkward cuz I was in a towel! lol I didn’t care much but I felt bad because it was obvious that Peter felt uncomfortable…but I really had no idea he was gonna be there. If I had, I would have just changed in the bathroom…but he was cool about it. Once I was finally deressed and Peter played One, he invited us over to hang out for a bit so we could get out of the house. Later on in the night I was going to meet Jeff…Geoff…w/e, and then we were supposed to go Bowling or something…

So we went to Peter’s house. Its so cute! And nicely decorated! I love the layout of his house. He thinks its rather small but I think its perfect…Its like an apartment with like 2 floors and its own garage and stuff…but anywho. He gave me a tour of the house and it was kinda funny. He’s a very cool character and I’ve come to realize that Ryuki has lots of awesome people in his life.

Peter offered us food and drinks…and Ryuki proceeded to say I like to drink >_> he makes it sound like Im some sort of drunk! Hehe. I don’t mind though because I know he doesn’t mean it and he doesn’t see me that way. I just know how to have fun in different ways ^-^ We ended up just having some bitch beer: Smirnoff Ice Green Apple and Wild Grape. the Wild Grape was okay… Grape is never a popular flavor in anything though because it always tastes kind of strange. That isn’t to say I didn’t like it though.

Oh yeah…I just remembered. Before we left, Ryuki’s sister came in to the room with her friend Mercedes. I think his sisters name was….Michelle…? She keeps referring to me as Ryuki’s girlfriend which is fine, I don’t really care. Ryuki just calls me his lovah. But I dunno. His sister is cool and all, but for some reason she kept calling me cute in different ways. She said first “Aww youre gf dresses cute.” and then eventually she said I had a cute butt…but she said it in like…Laos or something so I didn’t find out till later in the night o_o; She isn’t bi or les or anything. She’s just like me, int he fact thats he checks out other girls every now and then. It was funny though…

But anywho! We played some more GH3 at Peter’s house. Mostly Battle and every so often we’d do a song on Hard in Pro Face-off to see who would fail first…it kinda went back and forth on that one depending on the song. Peter’s Fiancee came home afterwards. I think her name is Joanna. She is adorable! I love her laugh. She’s very nice too. But then again I didn’t really have much interaction with her and I was worried that she was upset that Ryuki and I were there…but she didn’t seem displeased.

Eventually, Jeff, Tony, Tiffany and Jeff’s ex-wife…Jam..illa…or something. I’m just gonna cal her Jay because I cannot remember her name for the life of me and even if i did, I doubt I could spell it. So, Jeff tried to play One by Metallica with Tony on medium. He wasn’t very good but I’m assuming it was his first time since he wanted to play on Easy really badly. But he eventually got the hang of it. Tony gave up midway supposedly because he just didn’t have the patience for it at the moment. After playing DragnonForce for everyone, we left to drop off Tiffany and I find out…we’re going to a club instead. So I’m like alllrighttt….I’m not dressed for the occasion. So we went to Ryuki’s real quick and I changed into leggings,black boots (with the fur! :O), a tank top and the vesty thing I usually wear to give the illusion that I have boobs. I’m not sure if Ryuki approved of the outfit…he didn’t want other guys hitting on me or anything which I totally understand and I didn’t want to get hit on either but sometimes it isn’t something I can help =_= so we got ready and went back tot he car and I showered Tony my outfit and he said he approved lol I figured Id ask him since it would be sort of unbiased since he doesn’t like me the way Ryuki does.

But yeah we left, and drank some Spark on the way there. Which is totally weird…it tastes like juice but it is some sort of beer. Jay and I agreed it was a little too sweet and having n odd effect on our stomachs…but we chugged them anyways. We hadn’t really eaten too so ti got to us pretty quick. Nothing too heavy though, just a nice buzz. Ryuki didn’t drink though. For some reason he didn’t seem like he was in the mood to be going out…

So hyper and a little bit inebriated we made out way into the club and…went straight to the bathroom. lol. We all had to pee. So did that…then went out tot he dance floor and…well danced. It was really fun and rather different from the club I went to with Chrissy back in CT…this one was smaller, but it was still pretty crowded…instead of stripper poles, there were cages. And there were fans everywhere and lots of openings so it didn’t get insanely hot. We still got sweaty. But it wasn’t as awful as when I went with Chrissy where everyone was doused in sweat. I danced with Ryuki and Jeff, which was surprising to me. Not only have I never danced with 2 guys, but this was Ryuki’s friend. I know he was just having a good time so it wasn’t anything serious but I was hoping Ryuki wouldn’t get upset since I was there with him but his friends all know and I doubt they would try anything with me. I danced with Jay too…and Tony but with Tony it was just a joking thing, not actual dancing. Which reminds me, we went to a mini-mart thingy and Jay’s friend…some black guy whose name escapes me at the moment, came tot he car to introduce himself and he asked Tony if I was with him…and then asked Ryuki…and once he found out i was with Ryuki he like…I don’t quite remember what he said. But it was apparent he was checking me out…lol which is odd and embarrassing.

At some point in time, some drama started to build up between jay and Jeff which I guess is understandable since they…were…married or something or other. I don’t know. It’s not my business to know or tell so I’m leaving it at that.

We got outta there around….2:40-3am ish We attempted to go to Taco Bell but it was closed so we went to BK instead then went back to Ryuki’s and ate. Jay was upset so they left earlier than planned. Jeff and Tony wanted to stay though but…I dunno. Tony had his license taken away the previous night for some stupid shit so it’s not like he could’ve just stayed or something, although we did invite him to spend the night lol.

Ryuki and I stayed up until like 6:30… doing stuff. *ahem* Yeah. Eventually I got so fucken tired…I didn’t want to sleep but I didn’t have a choice. My body just refused to do anything D: Had…the oddest dream. It was set in a High School somewhat resembling FHS but…a little bit more…nice and pretty. lol. I was dropping off my sweater at the locker and eventually just wandering the halls. Then the lights flickered a red color a couple times…and for some strange reason my dream had subtitles! lol It said at the bottom that there was a fire drill and everyone had to get outside in like…10 seconds. So I make my way outside and everyone around me notices its raining like fuck so we try to get back inside to get like..a jacket or umbrella or whatever to shelter ourselves…but right when we got to the entrance, they like locked the door like a steel vault at a bank. lol So needless to say everyone was pissed…but then…Tony came up to me and hugged me and put his arms around me and wrapped me in his sweater O_o I’m like…wtf…in my dream I didn’t fight it. I’m not sure why. Logic tells me I just didn’t want to get wet by the rain cuz I fucking hate the rain. But at the same time its like why Tony? But I shrugged it off and just figured it was just a friendly gesture towards me. Or maybe I really think he’s attracted to me? I mean he does look at me a lot. but w/e. I’m not going to take it seriously. he’s Ryuki’s friend and he’s heavily attracted to Tiffany which I don’t blame him, she’s such a cool person.

We’re all supposed to hang out today and stuff. I’m hoping Jeff can join because he’s pretty fun and he had a crummy night…but who knows~

Ryuki asked me last night if I wanted to stay…because it seems like I’ve already settled myself in here and that everyone here likes and accepts me…I thought about it and it’s true. I really like it here. Everyone is so nice and inviting and it’s comforting…I really don’t want to leave. I mean even yesterday spending time doing nothing in particular…was alright with me as long as I was in Ryuki’s company. I was bored but I didn’t mind. Most of the time was spent me looking at him and just…kinda…daydreaming about him and kissing him.

I dunno what I’m trying to say other than the fact that…I really don’t want to leave.