[303] Kitteh~!

I’ve been so tired these passed few days. On Sunday I had a floorset at 4am to 12pm, then I had another floorset on Monday at 8pm to 3am but we were there until 7:30am, and that same afternoon I had work at 12pm so I only got an hour of sleep… then the day after I had work at 12 again… which is today. So Ive been really tired. But its alright! Cuz by the end of this week, I’ll be getting a paycheck on friday for $190 (i know, so little u_u) but then Ill have 34 hours this week, and 25 hours next week, and I get paid bi-weekly. Sooo that should be a huuuuuge check <3

But Im still really tired… regardless of going to bed at 11:30ish last night… but then again I woke up at 2am and went back to bed at 4am and woke up at 10:am u_u;; but whatever. Work is work. They also offered me hours tomorrow at Glastonbury but.. it’s my only day off sooo…. no.

Speeking of work, we have these new ‘parfums intimes’ (its french so its like… pronounced par foom on teem. S is silent apparently.) In english, its perfume. lol. But there are 4 of the new perfumes and theyre inspired by fabric; cashmere, silk, satin and lace. They each have a different scent (obviously) that represent and “evoke” the sensation of each fabric. My personal favorite is the Cashmere… Vanilla Jasmine. Fucking fantastic. I need to get it! u_u

After work today Mom called me all super excited. There’s a cat where she lives that is orange and yellow and lives outside… along with like 50 other cats. This one particular cat though is sick so she took him to the vet (Mom is so sweet <3). Turns out he has an itty bitty cold, so they gave him some medication for that, which lasts 14 days. Also, he wasn’t treated very nicely from some of the people in the neighborhood.. they decided to cut some of his fur, apparently (though there are no bald spots) and apparently, someone decided to cut his whiskers short, which is detrimental to cats! The poor little guy. Its so upsetting, especially since he’s insanely affectionate, its almost… unbelievable. I mean for an outside cat to be as sweet as he is?

How affectionate is he?… Well. He’s never met me before, and when I brought him home, after he woke up from the medication making him drowsy, he came up to me, stood on my lap and started purring and then just parked himself right there. Laid down and started nuzzling me. SOOOO CUTE. I love him to death already <3 And yes I took pictures.

Hm… My latest 3 posts all have pictures in them o_o;;; Im whoring my blog with pictures! But its okay. But anywho! Ontot he kitty pics!

Check out those markings! So weird. Mom says he looks like a rug. And he has copper eyes. Like, super copper colored. And its a boy.. obviously. And a boy. And hes pretty big for just being about a year old… so I named him Rugby!

Yup. Thaaats pretty much it~ Im gonna go watch Twilight… again

[288] Time to realize youre worthwhile

Blaaaaah I’m rather tired, I actually don’t want to update this but since I said I was going to…

I dont wanna go into too much detail about certain events about last night cuz its really not my place to say much of it. But it involves Everett and it actually bugs the hell out of me so much. He does have a girlfriend now but that actuallY i don’t care about. I care about who it is and everything, and then what he had the nerve to say to me after he told me he had a girlfriend which was “I dont know why we didn’t work out. We were extremely close.” thats the short version. Thats just a wtf statement.

After that (theres a hell of a lot more to it but I dont feel like going into what specifically went down. Just know it involved a bowling alley, waiting for an hour and a half, and then promptly leaving once things started actually happening Was nice to see some people though. I miss some of em.). I was going to head over a girlfriends house just to talk and vent about everything thats been bugging me. Everett was one thing, but that was just from that night… most of the things I wanted to talk about were things that were piling up overtime, and pretty much plaguing me and then like… decisions Ive been making and crap. But that went shitty and I changed my mind due to more things I’m not allowed to talk about.

After that I went over Kyle’s house. By this time it was like 3am and he was just getting off of work. I needed the company and I figured… if I cant get love from Everett or someone else…. why not Kyle? I mean he already says he loves me, and hes wanted to spend time with me for a while now…

When I got there I was rather shy and he seemed distant, but he was actually just being respectful. he wasn’t sure what I wanted or what I was expecting so he just took it slow. It was nice though. No expectations, no strings attached… And things happened that I actually wasn’t counting on. Its been about 3 months now and I actually was intimate with Kyle again and I loved it. It was nice engaging in that sort of activity with someone that genuinely cares about and loves you… its about time… 4 times…. and quite a few times he told me he loved me. We talked a lot too about everything and  a lot of things became clear… he lves me, and he sees things in me that I want Luis to see, and he also sees what Luis has seen and regardless he loves me! Its unconditional love, and its everything i’ve ever wanted. I dont have to do anything differently,  dont have to bow down to him and do everything he says, I dont have to fight for his attention and I never feel neglected… its just so surprising to me. I’m not sure why. And when I think about how Kyle loves me and compare to how.. Luis ‘loved’ me, which Im beginning to think he never even did and never will, it just… it blows Luis out of the water. Its pretty much like Kyle is the man of my dreams, the one I should spend my time with and Luis is just a distant nightmarish mistake.

I’m hoping that in time… I’ll fall in love with Kyle. I mean really… its stupid not to. Of course it’ll take time, but I’m sure I’ll get there eventually and I know he’ll still be there for me.

So yeah… I didnt get to bed till like 6:30 and this morning around 12 Kyle and I fooled around again, right before he had to go to work. After that I went to my Dad’s house and picked up my mail~ I bought Cooking Mama: World Kitchen I’m so excited to play it. I got some other junk too, tax stuff and another jury duty letter rescheduling it to september~ Mom showed up about an hour after I got there and like the entire time she was on the phone and whatever friends it is that she dragged along with her to the house kept talking to me.. and they only speak spanish so I couldnt even really talk back to them or have a full conversation… yeaaaah….

Then I got home, finally did some damn dishes and then went to work. I have yet to eat in the passed two days. Kinda lazy. I want a fricken burger. But again, too lazy.

But yeah! I went into work at 4:30 today and I just got out at 1:110am. Floorset. With just me and Jackie, we had to do eeeeverything. And Im exhausted. We got everything done though, so thats great. And I got some hours in too so yay money!  I was gonna go to Kyle’s again tonight… but Im too tired and I need gas and I dont feel like leaving the apartment again. Though I would liek to sleep next to him again… I always sleep so goddamn well next to him. its weird.

But anyway~ yeaaaaah. That is all. u_u

[283] Slip on through

I feel kinda bad cuz my entries lately have been kinda.. blah-ish… I havent gone into detail about anything that Im doing and I just babble, but of course theres reason for that. But I cant go into it… made a promise. And also i know who reads this based on what they search, how they search and when they search for my blog. It’s rather entertaining. I feel like making up information just to piss certain people off but Im not that much of a bitch and I’m not a liar.

There are things that people have talked to me about that sort of make me feel better about the situation I’ve recently put myself in (can’t go into it, sorry but don’t worry its nothing too serious. Nothing dangerous or whatever it is you may be thinking right now O_o;). People have told me, in short, that regardless of what has happened that… I’m still there. I’m still rather important despite what I think or how I feel or how things seem to be playing out… and that maybe things will go back to how they were. ANd when I hear that, it makes me feel so great, like I’m not wasting my time but then of course, I start to think… and I haven’t thought about things seriously in so long. Like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve pretty much trained myself not to think so much because it gets me in trouble, it gets me depressed and I find out things that I don’t want to know… So I started thinking and because I’m naturally pessimistic and ‘realistic’, everything these people have told me, despite their efforts to try and make me feel better or have some sort of change of heart or hope or whatever… it still just comes back to me and it all results in… What they’re saying isn’t true.

Nothing is going to change, it wont go back to how it used to be and I really am just wasting my time and that really hurts especially with how I’ve been behaving and how I’ve felt. I think that I’ve behaved in a manner that says… hey, I’ve made a lot of changes, I’m a better person, I’m not at all who I used to be… but it doesn’t matter. I am just not enough. And that really hurts, it really bothers me but what can I do? 

Theres sooo much more I can say about this but the more I go into it the more I break my promise.

There is also another thing thats been bugging me quite a bit and actually it pisses me off more than anything. This person is not a friend of mine, and I don’t know them personally because I never got the chance to for various reasons. But recent;y I came to learn some things about this person and I just have to say that I am very disappointed and I’m embarrassed because I thought you were a cool person, and I even thought you were so much better than me for certain things. But really.. you’re just a selfish little bitch. I thought you were, on some levels, sort of like me because we seemed to like the same things, and we spoke the same way and we dealt with the same things. I thought you wanted to be my friend because you thought I was cool and I admit that I wanted to be friends with you but I told you we couldn’t unless something in particular left your life, but it turns out that you just wanted to keep your ‘enemy’ closer. You thought I was a threat and you were jealous of something that no longer existed and you made someone hate me because of that. And yet this whole time you were being a skeazy bitch. You were being selfish and telling me to stay away and get over everything already. You dont know what love is. You dont know how relationships work and since you havent gotten hurt, you’re not going to learn anything. But go ahead. Have your fun and be a hypocrite. I feel bad for you and I feel stupid that I thought you were cool, and that I thought you and I had some things in common or that we ere alike. We clearly are nothing alike because I would never, ever, ever fucking do what you did no matter what happens or what someone does to me.

And it just goes to show that I am a good person. A damn good person. And everyone knows it.

Okay! Now that THATS out of the way. What else is there to discuss?…

Oh right! My dear old friends and not so friend. Ryan came to me and asked me fi I was going to this thing on some friday that amanda was having. I laughed and told him Amanda would never invite me if she had a choice and she surely wont now or ever again. And I was right. She didnt. He said he would talk to her and try to get her too and I laughed again and told him that it wouldn’t work, but he tried anyway and surely enough she said No. He was pissed. Jen was pissed. Ximena was upset. DIego was confused. I think its hilarious, I mean I’m upset that she can’t get passed her grudges. I have told everyone I have nothing against her and they know that I dont. The only issue is… all in her head apparently. So pretty much its back to High School where everyone but her hangs out with me at m place without her knowing, or extending an invitation but not expecting her to come at all because its me, and not going to her place to hang out, or hanging out at a neutral area like Jen’s or Ryan’s or Diego and Ximena’s house so we can both be there. I think its completely ridiculous, I don’t want to do that but nothing I do is gonna change anything and everyone else just stopped caring and doesn’t want to deal with the drama and said Hey… she doesnt want to then whatever but we’re not ignoring you just cuz someones gonna throw a hissy fit.

Another thing that I find hilarious… actually it’s two more things, about this situation. Amanda is pissed at me and hates me for something I wrote on my blog and she doesnt like the fact that I wrote my thoughts out about a situation regarding her and a bunch of other crap. I seem to remember a situation where she wrote something about Jen and Joe, and Jen got a bit upset and confronted her about it and her excuse was “Its just a blog, I can write anything in it, Its not a big deal and it doesnt mean anything.”

Uhm. Does anyone see what went on there? Hypocrisy! 

The last thing is that she apparently invited Chris Kuhn, whom she doesnt even really know at all and isnt friends with, to the whole friday thing. He didnt go. We were talking about it, briefly, when Jen and I went over to Eric’s house to play some halo and Rockband. Funny stuff.

On to random boring things. I switched my phone from my Mom’s name, to mine and I was approved for 3 lines with no deposit… so that means my credit, though I dont have much, is pretty awesome! So that makes me happy. Also, my credit card limit was just recently raised from $500 to $1000 and I was late on one payment… so thats awesome sauce as well, so I’ve been buying a lot of stuff lately… >_>;;

Had a meeting at work today and I was just so out of it. Completely anti-social… but apparently in a couple weeks we have a new bra coming out with a ‘removable cookie’… when I heard cookie, and thankfully I wasnt the only one that thought this, but I was thinking of like a sugar cookie or something. Well, the bra doesnt come with edible sugar cookies or whatever. The leaf-shaped padding that you see in bras that are often lost in the washer because we forget to take them out and hand wash them instead (you ladies know what Im talking about) thats called a Cookie! Yeah. Funny stuff.

After the meeting I went to starbucks and ended up getting a free pomegranate tea thing. Awesome! Its so yummi I’m really babbling again… and Im rather bored… and its sunday so there isnt anything to do anyways. Awesome. u_u;

OH! A word of advice: NEVER TAKE SHOTS OF AFTER SHOCK. That shit’s positively atrocious. It tastes like a Fireball and it has these itty bitty crystals inside of it, and if one of those gets in your shot, God help you. It’ll fuck you up and the next day everything is going to taste like a fireball no matter what you do.

[277] via cellphone!

I’m actually updating on my cellphone which I find a little bit funny… But anyways!

The same day I came home from the floorset, which was Monday, I had work at 330-730 with an on-call to 9… Yeah, ended up getting out at 10!… Wasn’t too bad though. While I was on my break around 730, Steve actually stopped by to see me. He said hed give me a ride home after work and we could hang out.

So we did. Lauren was going to join us, along with ed but it didn’t happen. So Steve and I went to tisane, got some food then hung out at my house. He was playing geometry wars^2 while I showered but when I came out he stopped. Maybe he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of me :p

Anyways. He was acting a bit strange…he was his usual self at first; being a perv and such. But then he got really sweet and affectionate. He actually cuddled me and said he could stay with me like that all night…he then asked if I needed a ride to work the next day and I said not to worry about it. I was completely oblivious to the fact that he was trying to sleep over.

Then when we were just chillin on the couch, he kissed me, and it was different. There was oasion in it of course, but still not the same. Like he waa trying to tell me more with that kiss… But of course he wouldn’t say anything about it. After that he left and said he may give me a call on new years eve if I’m free.

Next day, Tuesday, I had work at 1215 – 415. Thank god I didn’t have an on-call! It was a rather uneventful day though. I went to work, went to my parents house, hung out with mom a bit and was home by like 7.
At 830, Peter called me! It turns out we have much more in common than I thought. He even grew up in Manchester like I did, so when he mentioned a few of the stories or rumors from there, he was really happy that I knew about em all.

He also knows Steve. They had a class together at central. But that’s not really important Lol

Peter invited me to his house party for new years… Which is today. Its great and I really want to see him and hang out… But the weather doesn’t seem to want to let it happen… Rawr. We shall see!

Oh, and apparently Amanda thinks that the entries about my friend issues were all about her… Haha… No. They weren’t at all. Why would I get that upset simply because she doesn’t like me? That’s just retarded.

Anyways. Time to clean up the apt… I’ve been lazy today and all I did was talk to Diego on aim while laying in bed. Oh! Speaking of which, mom finally called in for internet at the apartment. Should be getting the setup stuff in the mail soon. Until then, ill have to keep using my cellphone… I still hate this blackberry pearl though.

[276] Oh those floorsets

Did I mention in my previous post that I had work at 6pm yesterday(Sunday)?

Yeah…I JUST got home from work. 12 hour shift. Ridiculous. u_u;; and I have work again today at 3:45. Luckily,it’s only until7:45with an on-all to 9… depending on how busy weget, I may only be there until 7:45 andthen I can hang out with Steve and possibly draghim to see Twilight…

hopefully my liense will come in today…*oh happy day*

Its 7:26,Ive been working all night and Im not the least bit tired. I should be getting sleep but its bright out… and since I’m at my Dad’s, that means Ihave to sleep in my old roomwhichhas… no shades… and newly painted white walls, which faces directly where the sunrises. If you haven’t caught on yet; it means my room is extremley blinding in the morning.

theres plenty to write about regarding the floorset but that will  comelater on today. Toodles.

[271] COOKIES!!!!

I have no cookies… So sad.

 

I already updated earlier this morning, didnt I? I believe I did.

But anyways, Dad picked me up and it wasnt as awkward as I thought it would be. He talked to me just fine~ on the way there he told me Mom went to NY to pick up myaunt at the airport. She has left around 10 and still wasnt there at 4… she got lost u_u;;; She didnt get back home until like…. 9:30-10pm O_o;;; crazy. She called me and asked why I didnt just have Dad drive me to the house and she’d bring me home earlier… I didnt know what time shed actually be home and by then Im pretty sure she would have complained about being tired and not drove me home…

Tomorrow she’s bringing me my cat, Ninny… if the weather allows it, that is. Supposedly we’re supposed to get like what… 6-9” of snow~? And then its supposed to snow again on Saturday or Sunday or something. Im not looking forward to this. I’m not a fan of snow at all… I mean when its actually snowing I love it because its almost literally dead quiet and its peaceful (does that sound morbid?) but aside from that… the cold and snow is just nooot my thing.

Work was pretty awesome~! I need to work on getting credit though… for some reason I have a hard time bringing up the Angels Card to people and getting them to sign up… but anyways. It was really busy today and a lot of guys/men came in today. Some of them were really easy to work with while others were just… kind of rude. Actually only one was rude and I was the lucky one that had to deal with him. He wanted the Miracle Bra in another color and a matching thong to go with it for his wife. So I try to help him find a bra with the matching panty but unfortunately we didnt have all of the panties in the size he needed and when I tried to suggest other ones hes just like… No. So then I went back, chose another color bra and he seemed okay with that. Then he asked about pajamas and said he saw an ad on the tv about a Cashmere pj set or whatever and was wondering if we had that. I told him no, but that we had other  pj sets, so I started pointing them out and hes like “I said cashmere”… yeah asshole I heard you, and I told you we dont have that. Christ. u_u; thankfully he just got the bra and panty and left. Jerk.

But the other guys that showed up definitely made up for it. When men walk in there it’s so fun. Theyre so easy to convince to get things for and really they just want to please theyre significant others. Its adorable when they get all shy and ask what size you are… of course, its merely for reference. Katherine is the universal reference though apparently. Quite often guys say “Oh shes kind of like her.”. But anyways,  a pair of men walked in and came to me right away and they were so nice! They were hilarious too. He wanted to get his wife something really nice but that she could wear everyday, and that he could enjoy as well. His friend was very helpful too but it was a little strange His friend seemed to compliment the wife quite a bit… but in the end it all worked out really well ^-^ he got her the Miracle Bra with matching garter, 3 panties, a shirt and a pair of pajama pants… oh, and stockings too. He asked me if we get commission so I could ring him out but unfortunately we don’t… but at the register he told them I helped them out wonderfully <3 he made everyone laugh though. Those guys were great.

Oh! And lets not forget the really, really, really hot guy that came in… it’s so fricken upsetting when guys come in there sometimes. You know damn well theyr’e always taken! But this guy…. h’oh man. He was like the older, white version of Taylor Lautner. He was just delicious. u_u; Thats the only thing I dislike about working at Vicky’s… *sigh*

Thats really all I have to update on O_o; Ive been waiting for like 3 hours for my browser to start working just so I could update this thing… Mom called me like 3 times. She’s been calling me a lot more to check on me and make sure I’m not getting depressed or lonely. It’s really nice and it actually does help a lot. The Christmas tree helps a lot too. I don’t know what it is but whenever I have the lights on it just cheers me up so much. I can sit here and stare at it for like an hour and I’l enjoy every minute of it. It keeps my mindn completely thought-free!

I’m actually getting a lot better at not thinking… I’ve found myself with an empty head and I’m like “Whoa Im really not thinking of anything! This is fantastic!” which it really is. Ask anyone that knows me, they’ll know how much thinking troubles me. BUt yeah.

Another thing, work related sorta… Kaitlin and Lindsey want to hang outttt and I do toooo and Lauren should come cuz we love her~ <3 oh, and Katya! I think we get along with each other the most out of everyone in there. I dunno why… theyre just really cool people. Lindsey said she’d come over my apt. whenever I wanted her to. It old her she could come whenever she wants, and they all can actually. They don’t even have to ask just… tell me theyre comin over and it’ll be set. Plus Tisane is right down the street so we could go to the bar whenever. And if we don’t wanna drive… then they can come here and sober up or whatever. So it’s awesomness. We all need to see Twilight again, too… 

I feel so bad! I havent gotten any christmas shopping done because I havent had any transportation whatsoever… T_T I gotta get Lauren something! She is by far the most important person on my list for various reasons. She’s like a sister to me <3 Im also kinda poor too… which is really weird. I got my bank statement today and I didnt see all the checks that were supposed to be deposited into it… for work I have direct deposit and Im starting to wonder if maybe I didn’t do it right… but when I check on my work info on the site, it does show my bank account and everything… maybe Im just being stupid. I feel like I should have more money in there though… and I dunno when our next pay is coming in Probably next week~

But yeah… maybe Lauren and others on my list won’t mind getting my gift… after christmas… aka whenever I get my license back… stupid dmv needs to get a move on with that shit.

jesus christ. I just checked my schedule for next week and apparently I’m working the Tuesday Floorset which is 9pm to 3am. What the christ?! We’re not robots! What on earth could we possibly be doing that would take us until 3am?! I just hope I have my license back by then… otherwise how in hell will I have a ride home… goddammit they know I dont have my license… T_T Im upset now~

[229] Down the rabbit hole

Can I just say I love working at VS? Yesterday I was there from 1-9pm. Honestly, I was considering calling out because I just felt awful when I finally got out of bed. I’m still rather sick but it’s only terrible when I first wake up… But I figured it wasn’t a good enough reason to skip out on work entirely, especially since I was closing.

So I got there and Lauren and Diana were working., which made it all the more awesome to be out on the floor. I was taught how to use the register, how to do sales, exchanges and returns, using checks, coupons and what not and it wasn’t as awful as I thought it would be. Lauren agreed with me that part of my fear and distaste of it stemmed from working at Jasmin Sola.. where I had received no training whatsoever and compared to this environment, JS was mean. Here at VS, I feel welcomed and liked despite the fact that I’m not much of a conversationalist while working. Not yet anyways.

I loved working at the register, actually! Interacting with the customers and asking them if they found everything okay and how they were doing… which is really odd. I’m not much of a people person in situations like that… and to top it all off, our sales went better and doubled from the day before.

Heather, our new CSL, and I were the only ones closing that night. It was kind of intimidating at first and nerve wracking especially since she was relatively new herself but she’s really easy going and shes a sweetheart. Although she’s adorable she’s a great employee and you cant mistake her sweetness for weakness. She can be quite commanding but never in a horrible fashion.

While I was at work, Steve had called me half an hour before my break so naturally while I was actually on my break I gave him a call. He had apologized for missing my call the night before, and explained that he had fallen asleep. I didnt mind and I told him so. He asked when Iw as getting off of work and when I told him 9 he seemed a bit disappointed, because he had class and was working until 1:30am just like my shift on Sunday, so he wouldnt be able to see me that night… and he’s really busy this entire week. He let me know though that he would let me know when he’s free so we could hang out~

He also left me a voicemail from the first missed call which I have saved because he sounds so cute.

When I got home, Kyle texted me after he got home from class. His computer went lame so he’s been trying to fix it. We got into a tiff. I don’t remember what it was about really but I remember confronting him about going to D-brown whenever him and I had an altercation. It turns out that he’s been going to her whenever he fights with mea and she’s beginning to find it creepy and is no longer attracted to him. She’s even said to him before that he’s with me and he shouldnt be going to her like that… and at first when I was told this, I didn’t entirely believe it. When you hear things like that from somebody else… I dunno, it’s hard to believe. But it was confirmed from a very reliable source… so thats very upsetting that he’s been lying to me this whole time, and trying to keep one of my friends on the back burner.

So when you look at it, he’s really just a Luis. Can I pick em or what?

After a while I didnt want to argue anymore and I changed the subject. Angry text messages never solve anything anyways. He then asked me what time I would be up tomorrow and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch around noon before he went to class. To be honest, I didn’t really want to… but I told him that if I was up, then sure. Besides… what could be the harm?

I was actually afraid he’d be overly affectionate with me and call me babe and hun and try to hold my hand and all these things that I normally dont like.

But this morning he texted me and said he didnt have time. So I had nothing to worry about.

Today I havent done much either. Around 630 I went to Borders in hopes that I could find a book to read, then go to Michael’s and buy some felt to make more plushes. Lauren suggested I read Twilight, and really I dont want to because everyone is going nuts over it and theres already a movie on its way… but then its super popular for a reason, so might as well give it a shot… I also wanted to buy Kieli vol 2. Unfortunately thats not out yet.. Amazon lied…

So yeah, went to Borders but they didnt have Twilight, they had like… New Moon or something which I think is the 3rd book… I dunno. And like I said, Kieli isnt out yet. I was going to go to Michaels but I wasn’t sure just yet… I wanted to get the book before anything else and I figured that I would just go to AC Moore since its so much closer to my house. So I skipped Michaels and went to the Borders at the mall… there were like 8 copies of Twilight and the sequel to it so I got one and walked around for a bit. I saw one of those books that have blank pages with questions and you answer… basically its a book about your life. I had bought one years ago and never finished it. I was interested in trying it out again, because I figured I would have more interesting answers this time… but I decided against it. Maybe another time. So I purchased Twilight, along with some japanese cookie filled with chocolate called “Hello Panda”. I used to have these, along with Pocky and other treats all the time.

I walked around the mall for a bit, trying to remember what else it is that I wanted to do… I kind of wanted to stop by Blue Moon in hopes of finding another voodoo doll like the cupid and devil I have… and maybe buy one for Steve but I wasnt sure if he would think its cute… then I wanted to go to Hallmark and possibly by a cute little halloween thing but then I wouldnt know why or what to get… then I wanted to go to Macy’s and buy myself another pair of skinny’s… but I didnt remember this until I was already outside.

So I went to call Mike so I could pick up my Wii and I end up calling Steve but halfway through the first ring I hung up. I didnt want to seem desperate to see him… but he called me back right away and asked how I was and what I was up to. I let him know, and then he asked me if I was doing anything tomorrow because he’s free after 2… so I told him I was working at 9 and wasnt sure until what time but that I would let him know and he would figure out something to do. But since tomorrow is wednesday Im pretty certain he wants to go to Tisane, which is perfectly fine with me. Besides, it doesnt seem like Everett is going to be having anymore wednesday parties… which doesnt matter anyways because I would rather hang out with Steve then go through the awkwardness of being around Everett. I love the guy (as a friend, mind you) but for some reason I dunno. It’s just strange being around him after the last time we hung out so late together…

So yeah called Mike, and picked up my Wii. He’s under the impression that Everett is moving out… and he’s pretty much right. His computer, bed and clothes were all gone. So he’s pretty much slowly moving out without even telling Mike or anybody… so Mike is a bit upset. :/

He invited me to hang out at Essex but I told him I had work early and just headed home… on my drive home, I went a different route home and took exit 39 and drove through Meadow Rd… where I used to go through all the time to get to wherever it was Luis wanted me to take him or pick him up from. I had always liked going through that road back in the day because its just a rather long road amongst cornfields and its always very dark at night and I like that… but this time when I drove through, it actually physically hurt. I could feel the chest pains coming back again, and this time they were pretty bad. I havent had them much lately. It seems when Im out working I dont feel them at all but when Im at home theyre horrible. And anything that involves Luis, seems to bring them back. Which is rather odd since he’s finally out of my life…

Dad was getting ready to go to work. He’s working from 9pm to.. around 7am or later tomorrow. I felt kind of bad and told him that if he needed anything to just call and he assured me not to worry. Mom is also staying over tonight but she accompanied him to the job sight and should be back… in about an hour (1am). Before Dad left he told my mom to take it easy and that he didnt want her working at the job because she’s been really sick and has had some blood clotting issues. when I heard this I joked and said we were all falling apart; Dad with his back pain and constant dizzy spells, mom with her on-going period (its been on 2.5 weeks now…) and me with my severe chest pains. Thankfully Dad joked with me and said my chest pains were probably due to being in love. At that we both laughed and he ruffled my hair like I was a toddler…. thats what I miss… we seemed normal for a couple minutes.

Ive been reading Twilight since and watching tv and much to my disappointment Ive encountered a name I’m not too fond of in this book; Jessica. Theres a character in the book with that name when whenever that name appears in a page, sometimes more than twice, no matter where I am on the page, I can always see that name and its like it’s highlighted. On the periphery of my vision, all words around that name are blurred and it seems like that name is 3x the size of the rest of the font on the book. Like its laughing at me. Another painful reminder of things I want to forget and put behind me but something (and it sure as hell is NOT me) just doesnt want me to forget about it. If I had it my way, I would have had this disgusting memory erased along with my entire childhood…

But I bought the book, I’m gonna finish it regardless of that names appearance and how much I’m really not into the book… or rather, I’m STARTING to get into it. It started off slow but it seems Im starting to fall for Edward Cullen’s charm in this book. He seems like me, in that he warns the person he cares for that he’s dangerous and he should stay away. It’s funny, I’e done that so many times but the opposite always happens… He’s a Lovely Sin, just like me~ <3 I came first though.